Trollheart

Although the last few times we “looked beyond the darkside” of metal we were having a laugh, it's not only comedy that defines the lighter side of this music. In just the same way as the Hell's Angels are generally looked on as badass bikers you do NOT want to cross, but may take disadvantaged children for picnics (do they do that? They probably do), it's often not expected that heavy metal artistes will get involved in charity projects, but they have, at least once that I know of.


Originally the brainchild of Dio men Jimmy Bain and Vivian Campbell, Hear'n'Aid (geddit?) was a response from the metal community to the likes of Band Aid and USA for Africa. Metallers are, after all, also people and deplore the injustices in the world, usually through their music, and like anyone else they want to do what they can to lessen the suffering on this planet, and one of the major treatable causes of most of the maladies afflicting our less well-off brothers and sisters is the spectre of hunger.

So, to try to raise money to combat famine in Africa, Bain and Campbell enlisted the aid of their boss, the late Ronnie James Dio, and soon bands like Iron Maiden, Accept, Y&T, Kiss, Motorhead, Rush and the Scorpions, to name but a small few, were getting involved. The result was an album of songs whose profits were to be split between famine relief for Africa and Dio's own project to help runaway children, Children of the night.

The finished project was the album “Stars”, with the title track written and performed by the Dio team, who also contributed a live version of “Hungry for Heaven” to the album. I'm not going to be reviewing the album, mostly because it's primarily comprised of live versions of songs you probably already know backwards, like “Heaven's on fire” by Kiss, “The zoo” by the Scorps and “Up to the limit” by Accept. But the project raised a cool million for famine relief, with the proceeds divided as I mentioned, and remains one of the only times, to date, that metal artistes have come together in the name of a good cause that wasn't a tribute to a fallen comrade.

Who says headbangers have no hearts?


Stars --- Hear'n'Aid --- 1985

TRACKLISTING

1. Stars (Hear'n'Aid)
2. Up to the limit* (Accept)
3. On the road* (Motorhead)
4. Distant early warning* (Rush)
5. Heaven's on fire* (Kiss)
6. Can you see me (Jimi Hendrix Experience)
7. Hungry for Heaven* (Dio)
8. Go for the throat* (Y&T)
9. The zoo* (Scorpions)
(* = indicates a live version)

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Urban Hat€monger ?

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Trollheart

You always have to go that extra mile to prove me wrong, Urb, dont'cha?

Ah well, as I said: the only time that I know of. Or knew of, I guess...

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Urban Hat€monger ?

I think of it as an extra couple of metres rather than miles.

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Trollheart

Time for not only our final look at Irish metal, but also our last stop on our short voyage through the metal that the four countries featured in this section have to offer. After hitting two for two with the last offerings, I'm sticking with reasonably well-known bands from Ireland, and who could be better known than

Songs of innocence --- U2 --- 2014 (Island)


HA HA HA HA HAAAAA! Oh GOD! Your FACES!!! Oh stop it, my poor sides! Oh that's just too much! Really? U2? Metal? Oh dear god no! Oh hell no! Even I wouldn't try to pass that one off! Oh it's just too funny. I think I'm gonna be ---

Seriously though, all joking aside, for the last Irish band I've managed, quite to my surprise and delight, to track down a band who sing in my native tongue. Not that I could understand a word of Irish --- well, a few --- but it is nice that, as we had bands singing in Portuguese, Spanish and German, we can actually find an Irish heavy metal band who sing in Irish, and more, that we can actually find an album from them we can feature. This is it.


Dair --- Corr Mhona --- 2014 (Independent)

Fronted by two brothers, Stephen and Paul Quinn, on bass and guitar/vocals respectively, and two other brothers, Robert and Martin Farrow, on drums and guitar, Corr Mhona (pronounced “cor voh-na” is Irish for heron, and this is their debut album. You might imagine that as an Irish native I would be able to translate the lyrics, but I somehow doubt my language skills will be up to the task. It's a long time since I was forced to learn “gaeilge” as we call it (pron. “gail-ga” or “gwail-ga”) in school, and little if any of it stuck. My teachers would not be impressed. Nevertheless, it's a refreshing change of pace and a great opportunity to sample the true flavour of indigenous Irish metal.

Sounds like some sort of synth but could be a drum effect I guess as strong chanting voices declaim what I assume to be an Irish call and then sounds like violin which becomes hard guitar, with bass coming in as thunder rolls and we open on “Toirneach” (tor-knock) which marches slowly along on the guitar line in a nearly-but-not-quite doom metal rhythm. In the third minute it stops for a second then picks up again in a much faster tempo, almost running into a reel on the guitar. Halfway through the song now and the vocals come in, clear and understandable but with someone doing a death growl behind the singer. I'm not sure who does the vocals as three of the four are shown as doing “vocals”, with no lead in sight.

Now that it's got going it's a brisk rocker with darker doom-tinged edges and a sense of restrained thrash about it too, a good start to be sure (to be sure!) and the guitars of Paul Quinn and Martin Farrow certainly drive the song along. Perhaps oddly, perhaps not, for an album with only seven tracks three of them are instrumental, and Dearcán (Djar-kawn; seems to translate as “thorn”) opens on thick bass then joined by the two guitars wailing in harmony but with no percussion as yet, or none I can hear. It's a slowish piece, almost anthemish in its way, and quite short, just over two minutes, but brings us into one of the longer ones. “Dealg” (jalg) has a frenetic opening that barrels along on guitar and with Robert Farrow on the drumseat getting back involved again. It slows then on dark bass and reflective guitar before a mad scream cuts in and the vocal has now become very much a black metal one, or a death metal one. Not sure if these guys switch vocals, or if the guy who sang on the opener is the same and just versatile here, but I'd suspect the former.

That would seem to be the case, as the other vocalist can now be heard singing sort of backup vocals as the two guitarists harry the song along until it breaks down into a slow rhythm with low chanting and a nice introspective piece. You might be tempted to think that at just over eight minutes long this is the longest song on the short album, but you wouldn't even be close, as the final track is twice as long. Yeah, I said twice as long. Very passionate singing now from let's say the non-screamer with good backing vocals from someone else who either isn't the screamer, or who again can control and regulate his voice well. I love the dark, chimy bass and guitars here. Very effective. With a lot of anger and resentment the tempo builds until the screamer is yelling out against hammering guitars and trundling drums, and taking us into the second instrumental.

“... Na lamha-sa” (na law-va-sa) rides on a soft gentle acoustic guitar, slightly over the three minute mark, very redolent of a lament with what almost sounds at times like Spanish or classical guitar coming into the tune. The three dots in front of the title show this to be an extract, possibly from a poem or quote, but don't ask me from what. I know “lamha” is hands, but other than that ... it's “the something hands”, and that's as far as I can translate it. Lovely little piece though, never really rises above a murmur from the guitars, and another springy bass launches us into “Dall” (doll) which I think means blind. Punchy guitar kicks its way in and the drums batter their entrance also, the vocal a shared one as two of the guys sing the opening, then the dark screamer roars his bit as the guitars grind a little more. The song's lyric seems to pursue the idea of blind hatred, the unquestioning following of orders that lead to despair and destruction.

Heavy doom metal riff there later --- can't exactly pin down where in the song, as the only place I could find this album was on YouTube, and of course it's all one track --- with a really nice solo coming through, the first I think I've heard either of the guitarists really let themselves go in any sort of show of individual expertise. A big heavy finish takes us to the third, and last instrumental, Dreolín (drow-leen), which seems to have piano but I don't see any mentioned. Hmm. Slow and gentle, with a reflective air about it, bass and guitar combining perfectly and another three minute deal. That takes us to the epic closer, and title track.

With a big romping guitar opening, “Dair” runs for a total of sixteen minutes and thirteen seconds, and seems to celebrate the rebirth of the world as winter comes, goes and spring arrives. Possibly a pagan ritual thing, maybe it's just a metaphor, I don't know. The initial vocal is clean and very uplifting somehow, the guitar complementing it superbly. Now it turns a little darker, slowing down as perhaps winter reaches out with cold dead fingers for the world, turning everything white and trying to squeeze the blood from every living thing. Another chant, a slow lament, suffuses the song with fine vocal harmonies. As expected, the dark screamer makes his entrance as the drama in the song builds, though it fairly quickly slips into a nice, smooth groove as the double-vocal chanting returns.

In about the sixth minute, near as I can figure, the music fades out completely and the boys set up a truly beautiful and heartbreaking acapella chorus which carries us into the eighth, before the carefully constructed atmosphere is blasted aside as the guitars wind up, drums punch in and the screamer returns. But the mood previously established stays with you, like the faint sound of a dying echo as it ripples away over the mountain, and it's pretty profound. The boys now strive to outdo each other on the guitar as they head into the tenth minute of the song. It's quite power or even progressive metal for a time, until everything is dialled back and with the sound of tolling bells one of the guitars smashes out, the tempo dropping then slowly building back up again on a shimmering guitar line as we cross over into the twelfth minute of this epic song.

Then that Spanish or acoustic guitar makes a welcome return, taking the song solo other than the rumbling, bodhran-like drums from Robert Farrow, electric guitar then joining in as we reach the final three minutes of “Dair”. A soft vocal comes in then, speaking of things reborn and rising, of hope and renewal and resurrection. The guitar perfectly counterpoints this, and we come to an extremely satisfying conclusion to a very special album.

TRACKLISTING

1. Toirneach
2. Dearcán
3. Dealg
4. ...Na Lámha-sa
5. Dall
6. Dreolín
7. Dair

First of all, I have to extend my congratulations to Corr Mhora, for attempting such a daunting prospect as writing a whole album in Irish. I'm not sure whether or not it will be a stumbling block for them --- most people within Ireland can't speak or understand the language, other than those in the more isolated west, and as for outside the island? --- but it certainly shows some courage that they attempted it. They also manage not to just sing heavy metal lyrics in Irish: they've imbued their music here with just the right amount of celtic flavour to enable them to draw us into the traditions of old Ireland, and rather surprisingly, have done so without the use of Irish instruments to help them. Not a fiddle, accordion, uileann pipe or whistle to be found here. It's quite a feat.

I do think however that they're limiting themselves by singing entirely in Irish. Their music is certainly strong enough to overcome any initial reticence you might have to listening to songs sung in gaelic, but at the heart of it is the possibility of success, and while Irish speakers and institutions will no doubt laud them for their efforts, it's hard to see them gaining any mainstream success with this album. Of course, bands have sung in their native tongue before --- we encountered Baron Rojo at the very beginning of this section --- but as a rule, these kinds of bands do not do well outside of their native country. Which is why if they continue to sing in Irish I fear the Farrow and Quinn brothers are destined to remain forever locked to these shores.

Which is a pity, as they really deserve to be heard far beyond them.

And so we finish our short jaunt across the world, having sampled metal from Brazil, then Germany, then Spain and finally ending up back where we started, Ireland. Some of the music we have heard has been good, some very good, some not so good and some bloody awful. But one thing has been evident throughout this series, that no matter where you go, whatever country you visit, however remote or small it may be, there are always guys or girls prepared to strap on guitars, sit behind drumkits or fire up keyboards and form a heavy metal band.

Music is indeed the universal language, understood by all and without any need to study to gain comprehension of it, and anyone can speak it if they want to. But Heavy Metal, as we have seen, and will see further over the coming years, is without question the international language, a medium through which we can all talk, all say what we want to say and all hear and understand the message being sent.

Viva la metallique! Or something.
Slan agus beannacht.*

* “Slan agus beannacht” (Slawn oggus bann-uckt) : old Irish blessing, literally “Health and blessings”, but generally translated as “Goodbye and God bless”.

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Ashen Eidolon --- Gallowbraid --- 2010 (Northern Silence Productions)
Recommended by mythsofmetal
Now this is an interesting one. First, it's an EP not an album, so only four tracks, although with two of them coming in at fourteen and eleven minutes each, it could almost be as long as an album. Secondly, it's by a band from Salt Lake City, and who knew they rocked, never mind played metal, in the City of Mormons (yeah, ignorant Irishman displays his total lack of understanding about a US city: sure, you can see leprechauns walking down any street in Dublin! Touche!) and thirdly, it's the first time I've listened to three choices fom a member. We've already heard mythsofmetal's Mondstille, but he also suggested yesterday's penultimate album from Forefather, and now he has the dubious honour of being the last album listened to in this section, and the only member to have all three of his suggestions reviewed.

I feel it's hardly likely that the band's record label will turn out to be symbolic of their music though, given that they're shown as playing melodic black metal! As I say, this is their debut, not even an album, but given the lengths of two of the four tracks it looks like they've put a lot of work into it. They've only been around since 2006, so are fairly new but given that this EP was released four years ago you would wonder if they plan to ever get an actual album out? Oh and no, I have no idea what the album title means, nor indeed the band name, unless it's something to do with the hangman's knot? None of which is really that important, as it's the music that will determine whether or not I like this band, and what future, if any, I see for them.

Well, there's certainly no easing into this as we start with a drum crash then a heavy guitar, and I must admit that despite what I expected I absolutely love the melody in the guitar. Even when the annoying scratchy vocal comes in --- as I expected it would --- it doesn't spoil my enjoyment of the music, which I am totally getting into and which sounds nothing like black metal. If anything it's more melodic or even AOR with a harder edge. I'm thinking the likes of Ten, Shadow Gallery, maybe Kamelot, but with dark vocals which are almost incongruous with the music. Oh yeah, this is the title track, and also the longest, that fourteen-minuter I spoke of. Must say, if it keeps like this I could certainly live through a quarter-hour of this! Interestingly, Gallowbraid are again a two-piece, with one guy doing everything except drums and the other, well, drumming. That angry, nasty vocal comes from Jake Rogers (not Dark Master Deathblood, then? No?) who rather amazingly is also responsible for that wonderful guitar melody I'm listening to. He also plays bass, um, flute and keyboards. Wow. Alex Rogers --- surely his brother?--- plays the drumkit and he doesn't just hammer on it like some drummers but actually makes his own kind of melody on the skins.

We're nearly halfway through the track now and I've nothing bad to say about it, other than the vocals but I'm sort of ignoring them and concentrating on that sweet guitar melody. Now, just as I say that, Alex comes in with his own vocal, much cleaner as a backup, and Jake slides into a rather beautiful and laidback acoustic line. These guys do surprise at every turn! Keyboards now, and they really fit in to the tune, a high, rippling, lilting sound to them that softens the track even more and yet at the same time gives it a sense of drama. This is just great, and much better than I had expected. Guitar goes more in the line of black metal now, hammering out the riffs and speeding up, but even at that I'm still digging it. Man.

Some superb Spanish guitar from Jake now, completely unaccompanied and without any vocals until its' taken over by electric and then Alex crashes in with the drums as the song romps towards the finish line with a guitar riff that's somewhere in the Maiden playbook but does not come across as any sort of a ripoff. Slowing down now in a doom metal sort of vibe, the vocal almost hissed and Jake adds in some mournful flute as an uncredited female voice comes out of nowhere, making the song almost ethereal and gentle. Maybe she is credited: let me look. Yeah, there she is: Alison Vance. Big fast finish that returns to the original melody and I'm already a serious fan.

“Autumn I”, by comparison, is tiny, just over four minutes short, and is driven on a beautiful solo acoustic guitar from Jake, a soft, gentle, pastoral tune, choral vocals coming in after the first minute giving it kind of the feeling of a Viking chant or something. Very folk, very traditional. Flute now makes its entrance as the guitar stops, and dark, lush synth is the backdrop, no percussion whatever and so far, other than the choral ones noted, no vocals. Back to the acoustic guitar as the song heads into its final minute, framed by an acapella chorus, almost a lament. Just superb.

“Oak and aspen” is the other long track, just over eleven minutes long, and it opens on again acoustic guitar, though a little more uptempo this time. Percussion cuts in early though, and some bright piano, as the tune sways along in a sort of balladesque way. This of course doesn't last (though with this band it seems you can never be sure) as the guitar kicks up into a harder vibe and Jake lets go with one of his screamy vocals. Though the tempo has quickened, the song still retains some of its pastoral feel, and the guitars are now more majestic than snarling. Now there's a faster group chant going on as the guitars batter away, though never losing the “m” word. We're now in the fifth minute, almost halfway through. Sort of a Dio-style marching thing coming through in the seventh minute, ramping up the tension a little, then what sounds like violin but is probably on the synth.

Another big male chorus takes the song as the guitars pound away, and we're heading into the final minutes with a really nice repeating riff on the guitar, some hard piano joining in as the song comes to an end, leaving us with only the one minute plus of “Autumn II” before the album is over. Another acoustic instrumental, it's really minimalistic and the more beautiful for it, but if I can make a small suggestion to an album that is almost perfect: had it been me I would have bookended the album with the two “Autumn” tracks, opening and closing with them. That said, this has been one hell of a ride and an unexpected pleasure.

TRACKLISTING

1. Ashen eidolon
2. Autumn I
3. Oak and aspen
4. Autumn II

A short word before I write the closing statement here. I'm intrigued but glad that Gallowbraid chose to use the word autumn, even though they're American. I have always found fall, however more descriptive of the season, to lack the lyrical beauty that autumn does. Fall does not for me conjure up the images that autumn does --- even its spelling is a little enigmatic --- and I think when fall is used in a song it makes much less of an impression. I mean, can you imagine “Forever fall”? To say nothing of Mostly Fall? No, I think autumn is the word that should be used in music, regardless of your geographical location, and it would seem these guys agree.

Having heard, and been really impressed by Gallowbraid, I can only hope they do eventually release an album, because I would definitely like to hear more from them. Other than the scratchy vocals, I saw nothing black metal about this music, but the melodic part was right on the money. This will either be the precursor to a glittering career for this band from Utah, or a forgotten gem, a footnote in the history of metal.

I earnestly hope that it turns out to be the former.

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So this is the big one, eh? The worst album you could find? The one that's gonna make previous torture feel like friendly banter? This is the one that's going to reduce me to a catatonic wreck, leaving me dependent on others and needing special care 24/7 for the rest of my life? The one that's going to have me wetting my knickers in terror and drooling like an idiot. The very worst thing you could possibly hit me with?

This is, in effect, my Room 101, here in


Well you know maybe it is. I've avoided reading up on these guys, and though I haven't had the courage to listen to any of their alleged music, I see words like “noise” and “experimental” that do send little trickles of hot fluid rolling down from the legs of my panties. From what I can gather from the song titles, these guys make Fleshgrind look like kindly grandparents, and Cannibal Corpse the sort of people you would leave in charge of your children or your pets without a moment's hesitation.

Of all the dark, nasty, scummy metal bands I've heard, read about or hastily avoided this month, I think these guys come closest to fulfilling the criteria for evil.

And maybe this album will kill me. It probably will. But if so, before I go, I have one last thing to say to you, my quirky little captor, my dungeon master, my nerdish little tormentor. You might call it a final, perhaps futile act of defiance.

So, time to put on my big girl panties eh? Okay then: do your worst. See ya in Hell! Perhaps from Heaven. (Who am I kidding? Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls go everywhere!)

An epiphanic vomiting of blood --- Gnaw Their Tongues --- 2008 (Crucial Blast Records)

Would you believe it? This album was not available on Spotify or Grooveshark, but I eventually found it on YouTube. Lucky me. Well let's see: I don't see any Neil Diamond covers, no twelve-inch megamixes and I doubt there are any ballads on this album, though “Sawn asunder and left for beasts” does have a certain romantic feel to it...
Yeah, this is going to be Hell on Earth isn't it? I don't think I've seen Batty so happy since he dragged me down here unconscious. No, I was! Really! Seriously? You think I would come down here of my own free will? What sort of a sick bitch do you...?

Ah, he's going to enjoy this. So long, beautiful and perfect body. See you in the next life maybe, if I'm lucky. Well, can't put it off any longer: he's starting the CD and I am apparently going in.... Jesus, take my soul!

So there's a screechy slow guitar and what may be chanting to open (deep breath; stop looking at my tits Batty!) “My body is not a vessel, nor a temple, it is a repulsive pill of sickness”, which may qualify for the prize of longest song title ever, some screams, growls, like a deadly storm moving closer, inevitable, unstoppable, invincible. It's like waiting for the axe to fall, y'know? It's a reasonably restrained opening but you just know it's going to explode into madness and chaos any minute. And the song is over seven minutes long, so there's plenty of time. We're two minutes in though and so far it's still building I guess, sort of like an orchestra of the damned tuning up before the symphony of death and butchery begins.

Four minutes in and it's still a very atmospheric black metal introduction, but I'm not fooled. Albums like this have got me before, so I'm waiting with bated breath and clenched buttocks to see where this goes. Wow! Just checking on the lineup and I see it's one guy, who goes by the name of Mories but whose actual name is Maurice de Jong, and he's from Surinam. Interesting. I think thre are synths making most of those effects but I don't know as he's just credited with “everything”. So could be. How odd! First track is over and there's been no sign of the aural assault I expected.

HEALTH: 100%

The second track has what sounds like the confessions of a serial killer talking to the police I guess, with more atmospheric synth and maybe guitar as “Teeth that leer like open graves” rises on a very dramatic keyboard line, someone screaming in the background, though really low in the mix. I must assume that's Mories. I've certainly heard worse. Goes from high-pitched maniacal screams to low, throaty growls. The music here, I'm amazed to admit, is quite captivating. Almost cinematic. Everything has a sort of echo like quality, as if the music were being played in a vast cavern or empty ampitheatre. That's over now too.

HEALTH: 100%

That charming ballad is up next, and though it's slow --- as indeed all of this so far has been --- it's again dark and cloying, claustrophobic and scary. “Sawn asunder and left for beasts” is not a ballad though (I didn't expect it to be of course, nor for there to be any such thing on this album, however I didn't expect it either to be this ... bearable?) and if that isn't synth then this guy is either a genius on guitar or has a whole array of sound effects at his disposal. The vocal, such as it is, is offputting but compared to a lot of the black metal I've listened to this month it's not so bad. There are a lot of weird sounds and effects going on, some discordant, but I've heard much, much worse.

I have to be honest, this is something I would consider music far more than I would grindcore. I can hear melody, I can understand that the guy is making some very freaky sounds but they all seem to come together to form .... something, and the vocals as I say no longer bother me since I learned to sort of tune them out or relegate them to a side-listen. If I get through the next track you owe me your computer, Batty!

HEALTH: 100%

So now we're into the title track. There's a heavy guitar note and maybe piano, lots of screaming and screeching and the music has a very sort of horror-movie feel to it, but so far my knickers are completely dry, to my surprise. It's atmospheric, it's dark, it's disturbing on one level but quite impressive on another, especially given that it's one guy doing everything. It's not something I'd necessarily listen to for fun, but I'd rather this than Cryptopsy. At least, so far. Some sort of Latin prayer being recited? Devilish ritual? Kind of bells pealing sound and maybe a choir there in the background somewhere? Think it's moved on into the next track, kind of hard to keep count when you're hearing the whole thing as one piece on YouTube, but it looks as if we're now listening to “The sewer rats of Calcutta”, which I think is my favourite track (who ever thought I'd say that?) so far, with its really evocative underground feel and the taped voices running under it.

I'll email you an address you can send that computer of yours to, Batty!

HEALTH: 100%

So now we're on “And there will be more of your children dead tomorrow”, which has a really nice scary feel to it, a dark, oppressive atmosphere kind of offset by something like a violin or maybe just a guitar note rising? Heavy, dramatic percussion adds to the crushing feel of the piece, and I don't hear too much in the way of vocals, if they're there. I think it's more taped voices --- no wait, there's the growl. Yawn. I thought this was supposed to batter me into submission? Not this girl, Batty! Some voice is now talking about all the children who have been killed. Looks like Mories has an unhealthy interest in serial killers and murders. That's either bells or a piano, not too sure, and now a choir making a sort of angelic sound --- children being taken up to Heaven? Now that big growl-scream is back, and the music is heavy and dramatic again, taking us close to the end of this track. And here I stand.

HEALTH: 100%

The closer then is the longest track, eight and a half minutes, and “The urge to participate in butchery” has an almost ambient opening, with soft keys which then changes to dark piano and juddering guitar, but it's nothing I can't handle. Screeching again but, you know, she's used to it by now. I feel about as scared as when I listened to Thorr's Hammer, which is to say, not at all. I'm actually quite impressed with how this guy is forming his soundscapes, kind of like Austin from Panopticon, though with a much darker tilt on it of course. Bit like NSK from The Ruins of Beverast maybe. Pretty accomplished, really. Kudos to the guy, certainly knows his stuff.

HEALTH: 100%

You know, I think I get it. I think Batty and the others were just pullin' my chain. They were bigging this album up, trying to scare me, trying to make it seem worse, much worse than it turned out to be. That has to be it. All a big joke. That's the only explanation for how I've managed not only to come through this intact, but to actually almost enjoy this album I've been dreading and fearing for weeks now. Either that, or I have balls of steel. Oh no wait: I'm a girl aren't I? Well, I certainly have buns of steel, and Batty, after this, you can kiss them again!

Cos this girl has survived the worst you could throw at her, and now she's a-walkin' out of here with her head held ...

HEY! What's this? What happened to my boobs? Why are my legs not so slim --- oh. I see. Now that I've beaten his Torture Chamber, The Batlord's spell is wearing off and I'm returning to male form. Oh-kayyyy. Well, you know, it doesn't have to happen right away ... aw. Oh well.

Hey! What about my male clothes? Where are they? What? You can't leave me here dressed like this! A sexy, voluptuous woman in tight-fitting leather, that's fine. But a guy wearing a leather miniskirt? And stiletto boots? That's just weird man! How am I gonna explain --- where are you going? Come back! You can't just leave me here! Batty! Bat-tyyyyyyyyyy!

What do you mean, you'll leave me here as I left your hopes to destroy me, on a dead world, buried alive ... buried alive ... buried alive.....

You unmitigated bastard! I'll get you! You just wait!
BAAAAAATTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

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All good things must eventually come to an end....

And so we come, finally, to the end of Metal Month II. After thirty-one days, one hundred and three (!) albums, twenty-four separate sections, 266,521 words and over seventy days' research and writing, the second annual expedition into the world of heavy metal has come to a close. I hope you all enjoyed it, and thanks to those who contributed, whether by writing something, commenting or just reading. I aimed to give the month more focus this year, bringing in a lot more structure, and I hope that came across. Thanks to all of you who turned me on to new bands with your suggestions, or turned me inside out in some cases! I hope I did all your favourites proud, or at least didn't take them apart too much.

Over the course of this month I've learned a lot about myself and come to appreciate certain subgenres a lot more than I did, though grindcore remains and probably always will beyond my comprehension. I like to think I've grown musically, though I'm sure many of you will shake your heads and try to suppress laughter at that. In the end, it doesn't really matter though. What does matter is that, whether you passed through here occasionally over the past four weeks or stayed glued to my journal 24/7, eagerly awaiting the next upda--- sorrry, even I can't keep a straight face about that! --- you enjoyed yourself, that something here got your attention, tickled your fancy (I said FANCY! Someone give Batty a glass of water please), educated you or opened your mind up to new concepts in metal, or just induced neckache from too much headbanging. In short, that you had a bitchin' good time.

Immediately this ends I'm launching into research for next year, so if you thought Metal Month II was good, wait till you clap your eyes on Metal Month III! Yeah, we'll be back in 2015 to do it all over again, and hopefully better. But for now it's time for me to hang up my mouse, kick off my shoes and relax as winged maidens (not Iron ones!) bear me upwards on their gossamer wings and take me to my Fortress of Progitude, where they will see to my every whim --- yea, even unto the entire boxed set of Marillion rarities! --- and help me to relax for a while, free of the pressures of writing articles for Metal Month II. Not that I haven't enjoyed it, cause I have, immensely. But this sort of trojan work really takes it out of you. Worth it though. At least, I think so.

So again, thanks for staying with me, or dropping by, and we'll look forward to Metal Month III, in exactly ... three hundred and thirty-four days! And counting...

Peace out, and keep the faith!


Trollheart.

Trollheart would like to thank the following people, in alphabetical order, who helped make Metal Month II the success it was:

The Batlord, for trying to destroy me (and mostly failing) in his Torture Chamber. Also for his assistance on the Viking Metal segment. And for suggesting Primordial.

Briks, for his “What metal means to me” piece, and also his review of “Blood fire death”

Carpe Mortem, for introducing me to the wonders of Draconian's music

Janszoon, for supplying his top ten, and also for a lively and sometimes heated discussion on grindcore

Loathsome Pete, for introducing me to Sigh

Mondo Bungle, for his top ten.

Plankton, for his top ten. Sorry about Michael Schenker!

And thanks to all who suggested albums for me to listen to. Thanks also to anyone I may have inadvertently left out. Here's to next year!

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

The Batlord

Well... that was unexpected. I figured it would either freak you out, or at the very least there'd be so little to latch onto that you'd be bored into a coma. Well, if there's a next time around I now know that slow and atmospheric isn't the way to go. Now I wish I'd gone with Gorgoroth and Marduk like I was thinking of at first.

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Frownland

I would have recommended "For All Slaves...A Song of False Hope" but holy **** how is this possible? I think maybe it's you who's pulling our chain.

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Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth.