Trollheart

Wow! Praise from Caesar! Or are you being sarcastic...?

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

The Batlord

Not sarcastic, but still trolling.

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Trollheart

If anyone wants to make the obvious comment go ahead, but remember that in 1980 I was seventeen years old, so it’s not that surprising that most if not all of the Metal albums that made an impression on me would come from that decade. As did this one.


Metal on metal --- Anvil --- 1982 (Attic)

Second release from Canada’s premier Metal band, this was an album I loved and have continued to have great respect for. Unlike the previously featured “MSG”, I know exactly why I bought this, and it was indeed down to that tome of all things Metal, “Kerrang!” I read the review of this and I just knew I needed to buy it. With their debut album released in 1981, two years before two of the “Big Four” and three and four years respectively before the other two, Anvil have had a significant influence on many of the bigger metal bands, including these four giants, and are still going strong today.

Not surprisingly, we start off with the sound of, um, metal on metal as the idea of a hammer striking an anvil is recreated by drummer Robb Reiner (bet he gets lots of versions of “I loved the work you did on Lethal Weapon” etc!) as the title track gets us in the mood with a hard, grinding rocker with great snarling guitars from Dave Allison and also from vocalist Steve “Lips” Kudlow, whose voice is gravelly but understandable, giving you the real idea of someone perhaps toiling in a smithy while using his off-hours to crank out some furious riffs and sing about his work. Solid. There is of course nothing original or new in the lyric, but well that’s not really what Heavy Metal is about, is it?

One of my favourite tracks on the album, “Mothra” sees the boys pay homage to one of Godzilla’s enemies, the giant moth, and the tempo speeds up as Allison is let loose on the fretboard. The song really does a good job of capturing the excitement and yet basic silliness of the Japanese monster movies of the sixties, and you could almost imagine this translated into Japanese and being used in one of those classic battles. Hey, they could do worse! There are definitely elements of the music that characterised the NWOBHM over the far side of the world here, and “Stop me”, the longest song on the album opens on single, jangly guitar before cutting into a fine introductory solo from Allison, Kudlow putting in one of his best performances on the album.

To be fair, the song is really quite weak, almost wimpy with its lovesong lyric, but it’s nowhere near a ballad, and its hardness is reasserted by the flying fingers of Dave Allison. Even so, it’s a sad followup to “Mothra”, a very basic rock’n’roll track that I could have done without. If only they had taken their own advice! An instrumental is up next, the only one on the album --- and from what I can see, only one of two they have recorded to date --- as “March of the crabs” gets Anvil back some of their balls, Allison and Reiner thumping out a hard-hitting melody that rocks along like there’s no tomorrow. Reiner then leads in another of my favourites, the groove/boogie “Jackhammer” (no, not our beloved member!), driven on a machine-gun guitar and rolling, galloping drumbeat, it shows the boys right back on form after the embarrassing “Stop me”.

There’s little subtlety in the lyric --- ”Jackhammer pounding your pile/ Jackhammer you’re gonna cream” --- but who need subtlety when the music is this good? Anvil keep the pressure right up with “Heatsink”, another screaming rocker with scorching solos and a battering backbeat (yes, I like my alliteration, don’t I?) while “Tag team” slows things down but retains all the heaviness you’ve come to expect from these Canadian metalheads, with a punchy, marching song that no doubt has fists pumping the air at live gigs.There’s a full-out twin guitar assault then for the bitter “Scenery” --- ”Dyed blonde hair/ Makeup packed on thick/ The way you look/ Could make your mother sick/ Gave me that look/ That I've seen before/ Give up babe/ I find your type a bore.” --- heavy stuff guys! Real Lizzy vibe to the guitars here, then we’re into the slightly less than insightful “Tease me, please me”.

You don’t really expect too much from a song with a title like that, and what you get is a fast headshaker with formulaic lyric but riffs to die for, and a chance for bassist Ian Dickson to show what he’s made of. The last track I have something of an issue with. Having professed no interest in Satanism prior to this, Anvil’s decision to close the album with the thrashy speed monster “666” is an odd one. It seems to me that they were just trying to hitch a ride on the emerging Black Metal bandwagon driven by Venom and Bathory, while those two spin the wheel and try to shake them off, roaring "Fuck off! You're not real Black Metal!" It's true though; they're not, and despite the fact that Kudlow sings it well there is no real sincerity or belief in the lyric. It just seems like something they thought they could, or should do. They can’t, and they shouldn’t have.

TRACKLISTING

1. Metal on metal
2. Mothra
3. Stop me
4. March of the crabs
5. Jackhammer
6. Heatsink
7. Tag team
8. Scenery
9. Tease me, please me
10. 666

Even given the almost embarrassing “us too!” of the closer, this is a great album. If you're looking for deep meanings in lyrics or subtle nuances in playing, you had best search elsewhere. These guys don’t do subtle. But if you want a rollicking good ride, an honest-to-goodness metal free-for-all, you’ll get it here. Even though it’s over thirty years old much of “Metal on metal” has retained its relevance, and the fact that Anvil have had such an influence on some of the bigger bands as I mentioned in the intro, and that they’re still going strong, must say something for Canadian metal, eh?

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Trollheart

Time to make our final return to the
Members' Top Ten Lists
for this week and conclude Janszoon's selection. We're now down to his top three, which start off with an album which I won’t be saying anything at all about at number
3

Reign in blood --- Slayer --- 1986

For obvious reasons…

Which takes us to number
2
and another weird, unknown to me band with a strange name

Idolum --- Ufomammut --- 2008

Well I find this good, but a little crushing and claustrophobic. Some of it is quite progressive rock in nature, lot of space rock of course, psychedelia and plenty of metal. Decent combination, but at times it gets so dark and muggy that it’s almost … boring? No that’s not the word, but it’s hard to keep your attention on it. Mine wandered and I found I was three tracks in already. I’ve stopped early, not necessarily because I don’t like it, but the closer is twenty-seven minutes long, and I do not have the time or energy to listen to a song of that length at the moment.

And so we arrive finally at the very top of the tree for Janszoon, his number
1
Oh for God’s sake man! ANOTHER Grindcore album? And a Japanese one at that!

Nise kyuseishu domo --- Swarrrm --- 2003

Well, it’s his list so who am I to put it down? But seriously: over half of this is grindcore, and I’ve yet to find any of that that’s listenable, never mind that I like. Oh dear! What a tragedy! I can’t find it on Spotify. Nor Grooveshark. Nor You --- ah. Damn. I mean, great great! Some kind/sadistic soul has put up the whole album on YT, so I can review it. Whew! What a relief! For a moment there I thought I’d miss out on this opus…(Does anyone have an icon for shooting yourself in the head? Neapolitan?)

Seriously though, given that it’s his top album in this list it would have been unfair and childish of me to not review it, and if I couldn’t find it on YT I would have asked him for a link. I may ---probably will --- hate it but he deserves the respect of having his top album at least listened to and reviewed. So here it is.

Some disarming mandolin, I think, opening it with what could be Spanish guitar, but I’m sure it will burst into unholy life any time --- yeah. There it goes, and down goes my knob. VOLUME knob, you filthy-minded… The vocal is, as I expected, a manic scream that alternates with a savage growl and I can understand none of it, but I’ll leave it playing on the offchance something happens that will give me reason to talk about it.

It didn’t. I can honestly say that was, from my point of view, the worst thing I have suffered through since Crypt --- yeah I know. I’’ll stop referencing it Batty. Soon. Very soon. I’m definitely never ever getting into grindcore, I can confidently predict that. There is nothing in this subgenre that does not repulse me or just make me laugh at it. Still, to each his own.

And speaking of to each his own, we’ll be tackling the second members’ top ten lists next week. Thanks for sending them in, even if this one did give me a super evil migraine at times!

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Janszoon

Three reviews skipped and one album half listened to, well I guess six and a half albums out of ten ain't bad. Thanks for mostly giving them listen.

As far as Swarrrm go, I think the lyrics are in Japanese so you're probably not missing out on content with the vocal style. I'm a little surprised you didn't mention the stately piano that dominates "Don't Mess with Texas", the moody basslines in the second half of the album or the abundant very un-grindy riffing throughout. I kind of expected those things to stand out for you. I'm glad you at least gave it shot though.

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A Night in the Life of the Invisible Man

Time & Place

25 Albums You Should Hear Before the Moon Crashes into the Earth and We All Die

last.fm

The Batlord

Oh, and strike Pig Destroyer off that list of torture albums I gave you. It's a grindcore album, and while I don't care about being nice to you, at this point it would just be redundant to hit you with another one. How about... Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog-Flavored Water... by Limp Bizkit.

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Trollheart

(Author's note: This section will contain some pretty close to the bone sexual innuendo and humour, and also graphic violence depicted through the written word. As such, I feel it only right to slap this sticker here, to warn you all. Over 18s only. You have been warned.

The Batlord once mused “If I didn't have you to torture, Trollheart, this site would not be nearly as much fun for me as it is”. Or something close to that anyway. Well, always eager to please I'm happy to provide my Metal-obsessed buddy with an opportunity to do just that. Torture me. Musically, I mean! Musically! Our relationship isn't like that --- what? No it's not mine! How should I know? Look, what would I be doing with a rubber skirt, high-heeled boots and a leather hood, now come on! What? They all have “TH” stencilled in red thread on them? Well sure that could be anyone. Plenty of people with those initials I'm sure. Like ... like ... um .. like ... Stop stretching it! It's very tight yes. Made to measure. For someone with a very slim waist. What? Yes, I have a very slim waist, what of it? Oh stop it! You're getting finger marks on it! Do you know how long it took me to clean it the last time ---? Just put it down, okay?

God! As I way saying before someone started messing with a bondage outfit that is definitely, categorically not mine, this new section will allow Batty to run riot. He'll be suggesting the worst albums he can think of for me to listen to and seeing how much misery he can cause me. Here's how it will work:

I start off with 100% health. As the album progresses I rate each track on a scale of how much it sucks, and accordingly lose health. (This will be descriptive and is where the graphic violence comes in) So for track one let's say I lose 20%, track two 20%, track three 10%. By the time track four begins I've already lost 50% of my health. When it drops to 0% --- surprise, surprise! --- I'm dead. However, as some of the albums --- most of the albums? --- may kill me early, as Nick Cave once said, death is not the end. After my health drops to zero, I can continue losing health, which then goes into minus figures. When I am -100% I become a Proto-Zombie, but even then that's not the last of it. With a percentage health of -200% I become a True Zombie, -300% a Mega Zombie and -400% a Crypto Zombie (one of the worst kinds of living hell: a Zombie who enjoys Cryptopsy!)

The trends can of course reverse. If, before I drop to 0%, I hear a track I think is not all that bad, then my health could go from say 60% back up to 70 or 80, but once I hit True Zombie there is o going back. A Proto-Zombie state can be reversed, bringing me back to a simple corpse, and perhaps on from there back to life. But I'd really have to like the music for that to happen, and let's be honest, he's not going to pick any music that will help me survive. His mission is to kill me, kill me again and kill me some more.

Each album must be listened to in its entireity, but don't expect long in-depth reviews. There'll be just be enough to prove I have actually listened to the album, not just said I did. At the end of each track I'll post my Health Score, and at the end of the album we'll see whether I survive, die or become one of four types of zombie. If I survive, I can ask for an album that I might enjoy, or at least tolerate, and Batty has to honour that request. However if I become anything past a Proto-Zombie then he's free to go to town on his next selection. Somehow I feel I'll be enduring some pretty ear-tearing music...

Anyone who wishes to participate in my musical torture can do so, but this is Batty's Torture Chamber so you have to go through him. Just drop him a PM I guess. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a tight rubber miniskirt to wriggle into --- I mean, to return to its owner! Yes, that's it. That's what I meant to say.

Now, where did I leave that talcum powder?

Tomorrow: the torture begins as Trollheart suffers through a whole Cryptopsy album...

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Trollheart

First of all, sorry I took so long to get back to you, but even with a lot of this stuff pre-written it's hard to get the time as I'm still in the process of writing a lot of the rest of it.

As for the above, no. No I can't. If you want to hear "tightly written and precisely played compositions" listen to "Big Generator" by Yes. Now there's a band at the top of their game, operating almost as one mind, tight as the proverbial duck's and with not a note dropped nor missed. Almost telepathic.

I fully understand that you rate and love this music, but I can't make it be anything to me other than noise, and loud, discordant, disorganised noise at that. Sorry. You'll never win me over to grindcore.



What three? I didn't do FNM because I had already done it, which is the same way I will treat the list of anyone who has albums I have reviewed. Slayer will be reviewed in depth of course today or tomorrow, and the other one I couldn't find. I don't think missing out on a 27-minute grindcore composition constitutes only half listening to it, but I just could not face any more.
There are lyrics???
I must be honest here. Once the album started up I pretty much tuned out. I lowered the volume in case my neighbours thought I was murdering my sister or something and if I had to leave the room I probably just left it playing, not worrying about missing anything. It's possible these passages of which you speak occurred while I was not in the room. Or it could just be that I heard them, but at that point was so grossed out by the album that I really didn't care.

Sorry if my reactions were quite negative, but at least they were honest, which is something I always strive to be.

Hey, if you think I skipped albums on yours, wait till you see Plankton's!

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Isbjørn

Pretty please?

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Trollheart

Go through His Batness. His is the power to decide. Only his.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018