Trollheart

Can’t be tamed --- Miley Cyrus --- 2010 (Hollywood)

So is the perhaps blind optimism of youth vanished, as the girl becomes a woman? Is she more or less into her themes, have they changed and most importantly, is she still writing her own songs? Well, as to the last, the answer is a clear yes. Not only is she writing but she is writing more: only one song on this album does not have her input, and that’s again a cover. However, is she writing well, or contributing well? Let’s have a listen and make up our minds.

“Liberty walk” opens the album and right away it’s more disco/pop oriented and it definitely sounds like there’s more autotune being used. Then she attempts a rap. Oh dear. Much more in the way of keyboards and synths than the dominant guitar on previous albums. I suppose the title could be a statement, an attempt to leave behind her the philosophy that may or may not have been forced upon her as the perceived voice of teen girls in America. Miley shaking herself free of cloying influences that try to control her? Somewhat like Kylie on “Confide in me”, although contrary to that song this is I feel something of a step backward for Cyrus, as she loses the rock sensibilities of the last two albums and succumbs to pop and r&b mores.

Sounds a bit like something Madonna or Britney or Rhianna would sing really, not much of the Miley Cyrus identity here. “Who owns my heart” doesn’t fill me with confidence either, with a trancelike disco beat and handclaps, again little in the way of guitar. Very dancefloor. I could do without the title track, with its bouncy club beat and sub-Janet Jackson vibe, then she does an okay version of Poison’s “Every rose has its thorn”. Sadly, the superb guitar solo appears to be taken by synth, which really waters the song down. Sigh. The handclaps don’t help either. Talk about emasculating a classic.

The first song that doesn’t bore me is “Two more lonely people”. Even though it retains the disco beat that has been so disappointingly prevalent through this album, it has some nice guitar for once and some strings too, plus the hook is really catchy. Best track so far by a country mile(y), though that’s not at the moment saying much. Close to the first real ballad then is “Forgiveness and love”, but it sounds quite derivative and is not really worthy of Miley, nor is “Permanent December”, another disco-oriented song with more bloody autotune -- god I hate that poxy thing! --- while the chorus is much better than the verse, almost but not quite rocky.

“Stay” is a totally different proposition, with Miley singing against a solo piano in a lovely ballad, the absolute standout on the album, with emotion, heart and passion dripping from every note and every word. Hmm. Has the album taken a late upswing? Will it end much better than it began? “Scars” is another great track, guitar-driven with punch and power, more like the stuff off her previous album and a real change of pace, and “Take me along” continues this shift in direction. It’s almost like since she ditched the production team of Rock Mafia after track six the songs got progressively better. Probably coincidence, but these last four are all written by her and John Shanks alone, and they’re miles better than what has gone before.

And as I say that we’re back to the disco europop with “Robot”, though with a title like that you would probably expect something like that. Even at that though it’s got a certain rock vibe to it and a sense of excitement I just didn’t get from the earlier tracks. There’s also a message to Disney as she shouts ”Stop trying to live my life for me!/ I’m not your robot!” The closer is “My heart beats for love” and it’s a stirring ballad with a great organ opening and sort of choir effects with a marching drumbeat, kind of sounds like something Cher might have recorded during her short-lived comeback. Good closer and a whole lot better than I had expected.

TRACKLISTING

1. Liberty walk
2. Who owns my heart
3. Can’t be tamed
4. Every rose has its thorn
5. Two more lonely people
6. Forgiveness and love
7. Permanent December
8. Stay
9. Scars
10. Take me along
11. Robot
12. My heart beats for love

After what was a disappointing start showing a serious change in direction, both musically and creatively, I feared this third album would be a total letdown, but it rallied at the end. The exuberant pop/rock of her previous albums trumped the not-quite-soulless but uninspiring disco/dance of the first half of the album and it really picked up at the end, sort of Miley returning to what she does best, and what she knows. Perhaps as I said “Robot” was a marker thrown down: maybe she had been advised, convinced, pushed to go in this more club-friendly direction and take on the likes of Rhianna and Beyonce. Or maybe it was her own decision.

Either way, she seems to have thought better of it halfway through. Or maybe she was trying to please both camps: offer something new to the uninitiated and take a step into their world while still remaining true to her fans. I would call this a flawed album, and whether her latest pushes the envelope more towards the first half or returns to basics as here in the second half will for me define the direction Miley Cyrus is destined to take for the next few years. My fingers are crossed.

I must admit though to a sneaking feeling that this latest album, the last in her current discography, is going to reverse my view of her and confirm why so many people seem to think she’s grown out of her FMBs. This quote from her on her previous work does not bode well for me, and anyone else hoping for a return to the days of the first two albums: "Right now, when people go to iTunes and listen to my old music, it's so irritating to me because I can't just erase that stuff and start over. My last record I feel so disconnected from – I was 16 or 17 when I made it. When you're in your 20's, you just don't really know that person anymore." (Copied direct from Wikipedia: Bangerz - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

Also, the influence of rap stars wili.i.am, Circut, Pharrell Williams and guest vocals from Big Sean, Ludacris, Nelly and even Britney make this sound more and more like an album I’m going to hate. The fact that it’s described as “dirty south hip-hop” does nothing to ease my mind. This is not going to be a happy ride.


Bangerz --- Miley Cyrus --- 2013 (RCA)

Given that this is her first release since finishing the television show that made her name, Cyrus may be forgiven for referring to it as her debut album, but I think she’s doing a massive disservice to her longtime fans and also to her music. Essentially what she’s saying is that her “old” music is crap and she doesn’t like it: this is her now. That’s all very well and good --- every artiste goes through changes and develops. Kylie soon moved away from the SAW-manufactured pop hits that made her name, and Madonna changed her image more than a chameleon (Hi, DJ!) changes colours. But few if any of these artistes ever put down their previous work and sneered at it in the way Cyrus appears to be now doing. Even Kylie still plays “I should be so lucky”, sometimes for ironic effect but mostly because she knows there are fans out there who bought that record, fell in love with her music then and while they remain fans today and follow her current career they still like to hear the older stuff. I mean, I have to wonder if Miley is even going to play the material from the first two albums? If not, she is as I say being really nasty to her fans. It’s like saying “If you liked my old music you’re an idiot: this is what you should be listening to.”

Anyway, whatever the case, the proof, or not as the case may be, is in the music so let’s just hit play and get this over with shall we? The album opens on “Adore you”, which I must admit is not what I expected, starting out as a slow ballad with some lovely piano and tripping drumkit. It’s one of admittedly few on the album into which she has no songwriting part, but even at that, she ropes in so many other songwriters --- seven, including her, on mor than one --- that again you have to wonder how much input she actually had. But it’s a nice start and I am impressed, even if that bloody autotune is everywhere again. Damn whoever invented that (thank you, NASA!)!

Nice start but of course it can’t last and the next track has that hip-hop style all over it, with a voiceover at the opening by someone who sounds like Darth Vader and seems to talk about a house party, a typical teenage rebel song transplanted to the slightly older generation. It’s mid-paced and really not that bad at all. Slow, echoey drumbeats and soft synths with a decent vocal performance from Miley. The title track is more uptempo, reminding me of Salt ‘n’ Peppa’s “Push it” (hey gimme a break! I don’t know much hip-hop ok?) but a whole lot more annoying. I think the deep, heavy vocal, returning here from the previous track, is someone called Milke Will Made It (?) --- DJ probably knows him well. It doesn’t make my ears bleed but it doesn’t float my boat either. Oddly, the track is shown as one of several labelled as “explicit”: I don’t hear (on first listen admittedly, which will probably be my only) anything terribly explicit here. Maybe I’m missing it. Maybe it’s more subtle, or they’re using that Urban Slang? Oh yeah. Britney guests on vocals here. Apparently.

“4x4” is built on a children’s nursery rhyme idea, with bouncing synth and guest performances from Nelly but to me it’s very basic and not at all memorable. “My darlin’” is a little better, featuring Future (again, ?) with syrupy autotune and a slow balladlike beat. Almost sounds like a mandolin there, but I’m pretty sure that’s just synth. Nice organ work but don’t ask me who plays it among this cast of thousands. Very good vocal performance from Miley, very passionate, probably her best on the album so far. Still, I find guest vocalists often tend to do more than guest: they take over, and this is certainly the case here as Future makes the song more his than Miley’s, to the point that it almost seems like she is singing on his song.

“Wrecking ball” was one of her singles, but I haven’t heard it till now. Built around a peppy piano melody that reminds me in certain ways of Miss Bush then kicks up with a very Bon Jovi/Heart pop/rock chorus with dramatic heavy slow drumming, and I must admit this is pretty damn good! This is, interestingly and rather disappointingly, the other of the two songs into which she had no writing input. Not so great is “Love money party”, into which she did: a hip-hop/dance tune with a fast beat and a rapid vocal delivery from Miley, it’s a bit throwaway with squealing synths and a rap guest performance from Big Sean. Hold me back. “Get it right” has a better more interesting rhythm, sort of funk with a great guitar line and some whistling, which I haven’t heard since, well, Whistle on “Just buggin’”. Very bright and breezy, quite pleasant.

More in tune with new-wave bands like Visage or Human League is “Drive”, with a deep buzzing synth backing, then a slow heavy drumbeat with a moody, dark vocal from Miley, showcasing her considerable talent. It’s good to see that even among all these hip-hop stars and producers she can still maintain her own persona, even if it is being obviously slanted towards the world these people inhabit. “FU” (wonder what that means!) has an almost French chanson quality about it: you could almost envisage her onstage at some twenties nightclub singing her heart out for the patrons, or maybe at the early Eurovisions. Impressive. Another rapper, French Montana, guests here but this time Miley keeps the song her own and he really does guest.

Samply, jumpy synths introduce “Do my thang”, probably the most dancy/trancy song on the album so far, with the first really explicit lyric I’ve heard (which is some feat considering the subject matter of the previous track) and, you know, I don’t hate it. Even with Miley rapping, which she does well, though I think Brit does it better. “Maybe you’re right” has rippling piano and hollow, metal-sounding drums with a sort of mid-paced beat and something of a refrain to the melody of “Wrecking ball”, while the closer “Someone else” references Rose Royce’s classic soul hit “Love don’t live here anymore” before ramping up into an uptempo hip-hop/dance track with some restrained and quite passionate sections and a lot of emotion in the lyric. A good closer to an album that was a lot better than I had expected it would be.

TRACKLISTING

1. Adore you
2. We can’t stop
3. SMS (Bangerz)
4. 4x4
5. My darlin’
6. Wrecking ball
7. Love money party
8. Get it right
9. Drive
10. FU
11. Do my thang
12. Maybe you’re right
13. Someone else

Quite surprised. I really expected to hate this album, to be talking about how Cyrus had turned her back on her fans and changed her image to appear grown up, and was walking in places she had no business being. But I find that I actually applaud her for taking her music to what was perhaps not the next logical step, but definitely the next step in the road along the evolution of Miley Cyrus. Not my favourite album but I couldn’t swear I wouldn’t listen to it again, and that’s a big thing for me.

So, the verdict then. When I began this study of the girl who rose from obscurity to stardom perhaps too fast, moved through media like quicksilver and might have burned out too quickly, I warned that the decision as to whether or not she was just trying out music as a diversion or a way to make more money might not be as cut and dried as it may have appeared at first. Certainly you have to take into account the two biggest musical influences in her life, her father Billy Ray and her godmother Dolly Parton. With people like this in your life it’s hard to say you wouldn’t be attracted into the world of music, or at least showbusiness.

So was Miley Cyrus’s move from TV teen heroine to teen pop star a calculated move intended only to wring as much moolah as possible from her fanbase? You know, I have to say that I don’t think it was. This looks like a woman who was certainly controlled and directed for much of her early life --- but when you work for Disney you have to expect that --- but who eventually, like many of her contemporaries, broke free and decided to ditch the image she had been painted with by the megacorporation and try to find her own identity.

She seems to have a genuine love of music, as evidenced both in her songwriting (though she has yet to write one solo) and in her recognition of how dated and irrelevant to her current image her older material is, notwithstanding the rather harsh comments I aimed at her earlier for just this reason. She may not have reached the top of her potential yet, and her antics onstage at the likes of the VMAs have certainly not helped that, but musically I think she is growing, and will continue to grow. She hasn’t found completelly her own voice yet, but she’s working on it and I have no doubt will in time get there.

As for being a jumper on bandwagons?

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Unknown Soldier

Miley Cyrus is certainly better Duran Duran.

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Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History

Trollheart

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Trollheart

Murder Ballads --- Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds --- 1996 (Mute)
Disclaimer I: This is another of my original reviews from my old website, written at least fifteen years ago, probably longer, so bear with me if the writing style is not up to my usual standard.

Disclaimer II (Original): All the views, theories, interpretations and explanations offered in these reviews are my own. They do not necessarily reflect the views, meanings or symbolisation which may have been intended to have been conveyed by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds in these songs. I am making my own judgements, and in many cases guessing the meanings of songs, based on what I have heard and on what I have divined from the lyrics. If my ideas turn out to be completely incorrect or inaccurate, I apologise to the artiste and welcome any corrections and/or advice.

What can I say about this album that hasn't already been said? You either love it or you hate it (guess which side I fall on?). A unique album in many respects, such a thing has never been attempted before to my knowledge, a collection of original compositions as well as arrangements of traditional songs, all dealing with the subject of murder, and all handled with Nick Cave's usual flair and talent. Songs like the old rock standard Stagger Lee are given new life, with a lyric that you definitely wouldn't let your mother hear! In fact, taken on its own, Nick's version of Stagger Lee, the tale of a "Bad motherfucker" who by his own admission will "Crawl over fifty good pussies /Just to get to one fat boy's asshole" is at once staggering (no pun intended) and hilariously funny. You have to see beyond what seems gratuitious use of expletives and four-letter words, raw porn imagery and hysteria to realise that this song is crafted so well that you couldn't really take offence at it.

The instances of murder are all handled in various different and clever ways. The aforementioned Stagger Lee all but glorifies the drunk, psychotic protagonist, but then so, in a different way, does The Curse of Millhaven, in which an insane fifteen-year old girl (nice twist, Nick!) gloats about her multiple murders: "Yes it is I, Lottie, the Curse of Millhaven/I've struck horror in the heart of this town". I defy the the loopy Lottie's parting comments to fail to raise a smile in even the most stony-faced puritan, as she gleefully declares "They ask me if I feel remorse/And I answer Why of course!/There's so much more I could have done if they'd let me!" But in Song of Joy, the opening track, murder is treated in very much a different manner, with the narrator of the tale relating the horrifying story of the slaying of his wife and their three daughters, with the slowly-dawning realisation that he who speaks of his pain is perhaps more than he seems.

Then there is the ethereal, quite stunningly beautiful "Where the wild roses grow", which was selected (not surprisingly) as a single from the album. This song features Kylie Minogue in a wonderful duet with Cave, while violins, cellos and a full string section weave a tale of love, rescue and of course, in the end, murder. On this track Kylie shows the full breadth of her range: it's a pity that she has become identified with soulless pop ditties, seen by the world in general as a vacuous, empty sex symbol, and she should try to address this and redress a balance which, in my opinion, circumstance has cruelly tilted against her. (Note: remember the disclaimer? This was written sometime in the late nineties I think... TH) Oh yes, and let's not forget O'Malley's Bar...

A crazy, blood-filled, gore-spattered tale of a man who walks into O'Malley's Bar, desperate for some recognition in his home town, and shoots dead everyone there. Well, apart from Jerry Bellows, who gets the distinction of receiving the attentions of the gunman with "An ash-tray as big as a fucking really big brick/I split his skull in half"! As he glides through his dance of death, the gunman declares that he is not to blame, claiming that he is being controlled: "My hand decided that the time had come/And for a moment it disappeared from view/When it returned it fairly burned/With confidence anew". Each shooting is described with loving care, almost like a good episode of Itchy and Scratchy: I particularly like the account of how he kills O'Malley's wife: "I jammed the barrel under her chin/Her face looked raw and vicious/Her head it landed in the sink/With all the dirty dishes".

Cave admits that this is a humourous song, and shouldn't be taken too seriously, but the way it is played differentiates it, in my opinion, from the crazy, madcap Curse of Millhaven. In my view, if you want to simplify it to basics, the latter is the "funny" murder song, while the former is much more serious. We are shown the gunman's true colours in the end however, when, ready to blow his own head off, he chickens out, and comes out, hands above his head, shouting "Don't shoot! I'm a man unarmed!"

The album ends with a stunning rendition of Bob Dylan's Death is not the end, with both PJ Harvey (who guests on the lovely "Henry Lee") and Kylie taking a verse, as well as the rest of the Bad Seeds, Shane McGowan and Anita Lane. To me, the effect of this last track is like sunshine after the rain, the calm after the storm: after the senseless slaughter of O'Malley's Bar, this song, for me, closes the album in fine style, with perhaps a message that those who have died in all the songs herein have gone on to better things: Death is not the end....

Produced by Nick and the Bad Seeds, and Tony Cohen and Victor Van Vugt, Murder ballads takes Cave's genius to new heights, and even though he may not have written all the tracks hereon (some are, as mentioned, reworkings of traditional songs), he has made every one of them forever his.

TRACKLISTING

1. Song of Joy
2. Stagger Lee
3. Henry Lee
4. Lovely creature
5. Where the wild roses grow
6. The Curse of Millhaven
7. The kindness of strangers
8. Crow Jane
9. O'Malley's Bar
10. Death is not the end

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Trollheart

Some people have asked me --- well, they haven’t, but I pretend --- what is the difference between this section and MUSH? After all, they both feature slow ballads and love songs. Why have two sections essentially covering the same ground? Well, although as I mentioned in the opening slot of this feature this will be concentrating on “Easy Listening” music, while it is generally accepted that that genre is defined by slow songs, they are not always love songs. I mean, Manilow’s “I made it through the rain”, Mathis’s “When a child is born”, Williams’ “Moon river” are all examples of slow songs that are not love songs. So whereas MUSH will always concern itself with ballads, there may be occasions here where the song is not a love one.

That said, this is a love song. You can say what you like about Perry Como (and you probably will) but I like his music. Oh, I would never buy an album or go to a gig --- well, I couldn’t, could I? He’s dead --- but I do like a lot of his music. “And I love you so”. “Catch a falling star”. And this one.

For the good times --- Perry Como --- “And I love you so” ---1973

You can look at this song two ways. One, it’s the tale of a love affair that, for reasons unclear, has come to and end and the two lovers are having one last night together before saying goodbye forever. The two snuggle in bed and listen to the rain outside, knowing this is the last time they will lie together, perhaps the last time they will ever see each other again. The man tries to comfort the woman, telling her it had to end some time and that she’ll find someone new, as will he. We don’t hear the woman’s side in the song so we don’t know whether she is mollified by his words, whether she has turned her back huffily, feeling discarded and used, or whether she has decided to grab the opportunity to spend one last night together with both hands.

That, in and of itself, while trite and cliche, is touching. But you can look at the story another, more basic way. The man, knowing the jig is up, tries to convince the woman to make love to him one more time, just so he can get his end away before he dumps her. It seems clear from the lyric that it is he who is making the move, and is in control, unlike Manilow’s protagonist in “Weekend in New England”, reviewed in the MUSH section a while back. There, the woman seems to hold the reins of power, deciding when and where the couple will have another illicit meeting. Here, the man has decided it’s time to end this, and perhaps wants to “get his money’s worth” before the party is over.

Whichever way you look at it, or choose to interpret it, it’s a lovely song with some great lines. I’ve always found ”Hear the whisper of the raindrops/ Blowing soft across the window” to be very evocative of a quiet night with a warm fire crackling in the grate, and even though here its backdrop is the breakup of a relationship --- maybe even a divorce, but somehow I don’t think so --- it’s still a comforting vision. I’ve always liked the rain, and particularly at night it can be very soothing to hear the soft kiss of the raindrops on the glass while you’re snug in bed.

There’s a sense of philosophical acceptance too --- ”Life goes on/ And this old world/ Will keep on turning” --- though whether that’s just a device to not quite trivialise the relationship but make it seem as if it’s less calamitous an event than it may seem at the moment -- -the quintessential “You’ll get over me” idea --- I don’t know. It is though interesting how Como sings ”Make believe you love me/ One more time” : if they’re still in love it shouldn’t really matter that they’re going to be parted. They should continue to love each other. Hmm. Then he tries to make it better by promising to be around if she needs him. But why? If they’re making a clean break here --- or if he is --- why would be make this promise? Is he just blowing sunshine up her skirt, lying so that she will leave without fuss?

Well, as ever, I overanalyse everything, but that’s half the fun for me. At its heart, “For the good times” is a simple love song of two people splitting up, possibly forever, and having one last night of passion, remembering the things they have shared during the time they were together. But it could just be a little more sinister, a little colder, a little more calculating than that.

Trollheart: making things more complicated since 2008…


”Don’t look so sad, I know its over;
But life goes on and this old world will keep on turning.
Let’s just be glad we had some time to spend together
There’s no need to watch the bridges that we’re burning.

Lay your head upon my pillow.
Hold your warm and tender body close to mine;
Hear the whisper of the raindrops blowing soft across the window
And make believe you love me one more time
For the good times.

I’ll get along, you’ll find another;
And I’ll be here if you should find you ever need me.
Don’t say a word about tomorrow or forever:
There’ll be time enough for sadness when you leave me.

Lay your head upon my pillow.
Hold your warm and tender body close to mine;
Hear the whisper of the raindrops blowing soft across the window
And make believe you love me one more time
For the good times.
For the good times.”

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Trollheart

IT ALL KICKS OFF

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Isbjørn

Can't wait!

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The Batlord

I'm also looking forward to this, but you'll understand if much of my attention is being taken up to Thor #1, which is being released tomorrow and is the issue where the new female Thor is revealed. Sorries.

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Trollheart

No problem man. Sure it's a whole month. Thor can't take up a whole month on you, can it? CAN it???

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Trollheart

Once upon a time, one man had a dream. A dream to bring the joy of Heavy Metal to the world. A dream of changing the minds of those who would not give this music a chance. A dream of introducing those who had not heard or experienced Heavy Metal to its wonders, and of showcasing it for those who had. A week of this most excellent music shall I play, thought he, and verily it shall be called "Metal Week"!

But having come to this momentous decision, this man --- we shall call him Trollheart, for 'twas his name, and still is to this day --- did fain revisit his notion, and did ponder upon it late into the night, with many cups of good brown tea and several packets of chocolate biscuits. No, he doth NOT be sitting on the toilet! How darest thou suggest such a thing!



Harrumph! Anyway, as I was saying... And when he had given the matter enough thought, he did rise from his place of contemplation. "Lo!" Remarked he. "Doth have I laboured these many long hours, and by my troth ---" Why are you talking like that? Like what, varlet? In that ridiculous voice and using that archaic mode of speech? To build a sense of grandeur. To create an ambience. Now dost thou shuttest the fuck up and hie thee from my presence, thou wearer of ladies' underthings, lest I smite thee and makest thee run home to thine mother, callow wretch! L-L-Ladies' ... Who told you?... I mean ... er ...sorry, go right ahead. Speak whatever way you want. I'll be over there, you know, NOT getting fitted for a new, um, dress...

Hah! Finally, that carbuncle on the backside of humanity hath gone, run off like the little girl he doth be. What? No, no. I'm sure they're just vicious rumours. Heh heh.


Now, where was I? Ah yes! Tis a good dream, spake he. But hardly a great dream. How to squeeze all this Heavy Metal into one short week? And lo! He had an epiphany; seeing that there would not be enough time for his enterprise he boldly reimagined it. Instead of one week, there should be four! Yes, a whole month of Metal, thought he. And what shall I call this extravaganza, in sooth? Why, surely the only fitting title could be ...

And so it did come to pass. And by the serried ranks of Valhalla, 'twere a complete triumph! So much so that 'twas not long before this yearly custom became an annual tradition. But as the anniversary of Metal Month did approach, Trollheart didst ponder 'pon its significance most deeply. "Last time" spake he, "Verily didst I fly by the seat of mine panties. This time, it shall be most exceedingly different.

This time, let there be order.
This time, let there be pattern.
This time, let there be ...
structure!

And lo! ‘Twas so!

A man synonymous with nothing about Metal, Chris de Burgh once wrote “Closer they came, the army of Richard the Lionheart/ Marching by day and night, with soldiers from every part” --- that song was about the Crusades, and in a way this too is a crusade. A crusade of noise. A crusade of brutality. A crusade of power.

A crusade of Metal.

And like in the abovementioned song, from every part they did come: the Berserkers of Burzum and Morbid Angel rubbing shoulders with the True Metalheads from Manowar and Virgin Steele. Old vikings like Bathory and Moonsorrow nodding curtly to Destroying Death Angels from Slayer and Metallica, while at the head of this momentous army rode the shining generals from Iron Maiden, Judas Priest and Motorhead. As far as the eye could see it stretched, from pole to pole and from horizon to horizon, one mass of heaving, snarling, belching, singing men, all marching to the one tune, all acknowledging and praising the sacred name of Metal.

These are men (and some women) who know the ancient Secret of Steel, who yearn to Die With Their Boots On, who snarl Kill ‘em All! and who sing of the End of Days, the passing of all things, and the glory of beer and women. Men who do not flinch from the battle, men who revel in blood and gore, men who, to quote one of their august number, always play on ten. They are the Army of the Immortals, the Soldiers of Death, the Masters of Puppets. They are the Iron Fist, the steely gaze beneath the visor, the grim line of a mouth that speaks never of mercy nor quarter. Where their horses (steel and otherwise) tread, great gouts of fire plume into the air with the roar of the damned souls in Hell, and in their wake they leave nought but destruction, death and a bitchin’ good time.

They ride with one purpose, and in one direction, in a straight unbroken line from sea to sea. From the mountains they have come, and from the valleys. From the cities of men and from the forests and woods bordering those cities, and from other, nameless places too. Yea, some have even broken the bonds of death and have sprung with revenge and lust in their eyes from the ground, storming the very gates of Hell in their desire to be able to say “Verily, I was there!”

Stand in their way, they will ride you down without a second thought. Join them, they will sweep you up in their steel embrace and carry you with them to the place where, once every year, Metalheads gather and the very ground shakes in anticipation. After many days’ riding and having endured much hardship --- which, like true soldiers of metal they have paid no mind to and have shrugged off --- they have arrived at their destination.

And you, riding among their company, one of them now: you too have arrived.

Welcome, my friends to


Over the course of the next month, here’s what you can look forward to:

The International Language of Metal
It’s said that music is the international language, understood no matter where you are or in what language it is sung, or indeed none. This truth also holds for Heavy Metal, and we will be proving that by sampling a tiny taste of the Metal four countries have to offer. This year, as this section launches, we will be travelling to Brazil, Spain, Germany and Ireland, to see how the music of each stands up to scrutiny, and what, if any, decent bands are lurking there, perhaps largely unknown. We will also possibly feature more well-known bands in each country, but the emphasis will be on the smaller bands who are less popular outside their homeland.

Featured Artiste
We will be delving deeply into the discography of a Metal artiste, trying to review all their studio output if possible. The identity of the first ever Featured Artiste will be revealed tomorrow.

What Metal means to Me
Some thoughts by members on why they enjoy this music, what they get out of it and what it means to their lives.

Triple Box Set
A look at three linked albums by … but that would be spoiling the surprise!

The Meat Grinder
Always popular during Metal Month (yes, yes it is!) we will be again running four instances of the series wherein I fall blind off the random cliff and choose a band I may know nothing about, trying to find some of their music and review it. My luck with this has been less than stellar so far so here’s hoping the Metal Gods will be kinder to me this year. You listening up there?

The Metal that made Me
Another chance for me to go on at length about Metal albums that influenced my early years getting into the genre. May ignite some memories for you, too.

The Celebrity Devil Music Deathmatch
Which really is the better Black Sabbath album? Paranoid or the debut? We’ll be taking a searching and scientific look at both, and answering this question once and for all. Yay science!

Freshly Forged in ‘14
Some of the best --- and maybe worst --- Metal albums released this year.

The Albatross --- Metal Version
Did this last year with Motorhead’s classic “Ace of spades”. This year we’ll be looking at another Metal standard that may have inadvertently stereotyped the band as “the one that did that song”...

Members’ Top Ten Lists
Does what it says on the tin. Out of hundreds --- well, ten --- lists recieved we’ll be taking a short trip through the top ten Metal albums lists of three members whose lists were chosen.

Don't listen to that --- listen to this!
I’ll be reviewing all of the albums suggested or recommended to me by members.

More than words --- Metal Edition
Another chance to dissect the oft-overlooked and ridiculed songwriting in a metal classic.

A Lighter look at the Dark Side
Funny, touching or just downright weird moments from our favourite Metal bands.

It’s only Day One, and you can expect several updates a day, every day, so who’s to say more stuff won’t occur to me as we go along? This itinerary may be far from complete, so keep checking back as there’s sure to be more good stuff as the weeks go on.

For you who have no interest in Metal, there is nothing here for you. If you don't like it loud, fast, hard and heavy you will not enjoy it here this month. To paraphrase the mighty Dio: "If you don't like Heavy Metal, well it's too late now!" Basically, if you don't like it you know what you can do: check out my other journals and come back next month. Or you could try staying, opening your mind to new ... oh. You're already at the door. Well okay then! See ya in November!

As for the rest of you, the true believers and the defenders of the faith, why not pull up a stool by the bar --- hey! Only poseurs sit down in the comfy lounge seats you know! --- let me draw you a tankard of your favourite poison and settle back as the first band takes the stage. T-minus ten seconds. Nine. Eight.

Oh I can’t wait…

Engage!

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018