Trollheart

Trollheart will not be updating for a while because he is sad...

Well, not sad per se, but a little depressed. Lacking in inspiration. No, that's not right either: I have lots of ideas and am excited about implementing them. But I'm finding it very hard to motivate myself to do anything. I think it all began when I decided to run Nickelback Week (yeah, blame Chad!); the more I thought about it and the closer it got the more I found I was dreading it. I still wanted to do it, and more importantly I didn't want to let Briks down, but I just could not get it together. I tried. I wrote some sections, but funny as they were they didn't make me happy. I just felt ... I don't know ... bored? Fed up? Not interested?

Thing is, those of you who know me will know that I don't do things half-heartedly, and if I had gone ahead with Nickelback Week the lack of interest would have shown in my writing. I'd rather not do it, or defer it, than just go through the motions because I felt I had to. The same with my journals, all of them: if the passion isn't there it will show in the prose and I know people would not want me just writing because I felt I had to. My journals have always been, and will continue to be, very important to me but my mental health is starting to suffer slightly and I have to make a choice.


The thing I realise now is that I have been running my journals and coming on here every single day (apart from the odd emergency) for three years solid now, and it's begun to sort of take over my life. Oh I still enjoy it of course and I wouldn't stop doing it, but it's gradually become clear to me over the last week that I'm really making this more a job, a task, a chore than a hobby. It's no longer fun. I'm putting self-imposed deadlines on myself, some of which I'm struggling to meet, and I'm waking every day with a sense of "what do I write today" or "I should be posting an update". Between everything I'm involved in --- album clubs, journals, the update thread, and just posting --- I've burned myself out.

So....


... it's time for me to take a little holiday. I'm not going anywhere of course, but I need to step back from this, this ... well, if I'm honest, it's become something of a grind really --- and I fully realise and accept that I have nobody to blame for this situation but myself. I put the pressure upon myself, nobody forced me to update, or come up with new ideas and so forth. (Even as I write this, my sister has called me down (hysterically) to kill two moths and it's 3 AM almost!)

Nevertheless, I need to wake up nor worrying about what review I have to write or what self-imposed deadline I need to meet. I want to watch trashy TV and NOT think about including it in the Couch Potato, I need to listen to music purely for pleasure and NOT for the purposes of review, and I need to kick back and just enjoy what I can of life. In short, I need a rest.

Nobody need worry about me --- what do you mean, don't hold your breath? Charming! --- I won't be gone forever. It may only take a few days, a week, a few weeks. It may take longer. I really don't know. But I need to pull back completely from this site as it has played too large and important a part in my life, through my own fault, and this needs to be addressed by me.

So there'll be no input at all from me until I sort this out. As far as the two album clubs go, either proceed without me or wait till I come back, I don't mind which. The journal update thread will be put on hold for the moment too. I just don't intend to be involved at all for the time being, unless someone really needs me for something, and I can't even imagine what that would be, be if you need me I'll still get my PMs through Gmail or you can email me directly.

I know people go off the grid all the time and nobody worries, but I tend to be such a permanent fixture here I just wanted to explain what I was doing, in case anyone thought anything was wrong. I'm not sick, I'm not grieving or dealing with any major issue. I am depressed, though I don't know why, although overwork could be the reason.

Anyway that's the story. Until I feel recharged you won't see me around. I'm sure it will be no hardship for most people, but for those who do miss me, don't worry: I will be back.

I just can't say when, just yet.

And with that, this is Trollheart signing off for now.
Be well, all of you.
See you some other time!


PS Briks, sorry man but I just can't face any of it right now. Hope you understand...

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Isbjørn

Trollheart, you've given so much to these forums it's been hard to believe it was all the work of one man. I would never manage to run the Update Thread, two album clubs, five journals (or was it six?) and the Official Welcome Thread all at once, so it was only a question of time before you got worn out by it. Man, if there's anyone on here who deserves a break, it's you. Go watch your favourite tacky television shows, listen to your favourite music without having to review it, go to the beach, hell, do anything you please. As for me, I can do Nickelback week myself; rather that than wearing you out even more. I don't know whether you'll see this before you come back, but I'm going to leave it here anyway, hoping that you do.

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Unknown Soldier

He lives in the British Isles, going to the beach is hardly going to be a relaxing sun-drenched affair.

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Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History

djchameleon

This is all your fault Briks! The Nickelback week broke the machine known as Trollheart.
I used to think that you'd burn out one day but after awhile it just faded away. I didn't think anything would stop you from writing all of those long winded posts.

I do have to admit I haven't read every single one but I may have time to actually get caught up on some that I find interesting without a new update in the way. Take care and good luck with your break. You definitely deserve it. Unplug for a bit.

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Fame, fortune, power, titties. People say these are the most crucial things in life, but you can have a pocket full o' gold and it doesn't mean sh*t if you don't have someone to share that gold with. Seems simple. Yet it's an important lesson to learn. Even lone wolves run in packs sometimes.

The Batlord

Oh no. Less Nickelback. The horror.

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Plankton

Forum burn-out is a legitimate phenomenon, and I'm fairly certain most of the reg's here can see why you'd need to do this. Take care Mr T, and I look forward to seeing you post again.

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butthead aka 216

to echo plankton i thin we all totally get the burnout aspect expecially from someone like u who takes 10x the amount of thoughts and work to make a post than most members. take it easy you deserve it and we will see ya when u get back

Unknown Soldier

When I made my last post here, I hadn't seen Trollheart's earlier post so I didn't know he was taking time out until I saw DJ's and Plankton's posts.

I kind of saw this coming with Trollheart, given the amount journals and threads that he runs on here, a break is the best thing that could've happened for him as nobody can keep up the pace he was setting for long!

I just hope when he does resume, he cuts down the amount of journals and time he spends on here and treats everything in moderation and remembers the old adage of quality over quantity. This forum like anything else in life should be enjoyed and shouldn't be a burden to meet deadlines etc.

Plankton is quite right, this is a case of forum burnout and it's kind of a newish syndrome.

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Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History

Trollheart

Seems my little holiday turned out to be much longer than I had expected! When I took a sabbatical from Music Banter I said I didn't know whether I would need weeks, a month or more. In th end, it was more. Much more. Reckon it's about six months now since I trod these streets --- oops! Checking that out it's actually only just over three. Felt like six though! --- but I did need the break: I had explained that I felt tired and burned-out, overstressed and overworked, and was losing, or had lost, my incentive, inspiration and passion for my journal. So I stepped back for a while, to recharge my batteries, which were almost in the last vestiges of red, about to shut me down automatically.

For the first week or two I did nothing music-related. I wrote nothing, listened to only a little music, planned nothing. I did other stuff. But you can't keep a good journal author down, and soon I was listening to music and watching TV with ideas forming already. Even though I knew I was not yet anywhere near ready to go back, I was formulating reviews. When I listened to an album, I was thinking about how or if I would write it up, when I watched a telly programme or movie I was considering including it in The Couch Potato. It wasn't long, therefore, before against all my own intentions I began writing again. I guess, as the caption says, it's in the blood. You either enjoy doing this or you don't, and if you do, you find it really (and I mean really) hard to stop.

Though this time I could write without the added pressure of a) having to meet self-imposed deadlines and b) dealing with other MB-related material. It was quite liberating: I was able to write what I wanted, when I wanted, and stop when I needed to. I had no eye on the clock, or calendar. As a result, I got quite a lot done. I was, in truth, planning to return around June, then July, but kept putting it off. Why? I just felt that once I stepped back into that grind I would be caught up in it all again, feel I had to meet targets and the pure enjoyment and pleasure of writing would be lost in the maelstrom of updates, posts and threads. And yet, there was no point in writing all this stuff and not posting it.

And then there was Metal Month.

I had already announced that last year's special on Heavy Metal, which ran from October 1 to October 31, was going to be an annual thing, and if I intended to stick to that then I needed to be back at the very latest for that. But I didn't want to leave it so tight. Metal Month was great fun, but the lead-up to it last year was almost as much fun, and I wanted to make sure I had plenty of time to signpost it. I'm writing for it now, and it should be, as the kids say (do they still say it?) epic.

So I've decided to come back soon. Not quite yet: I still have work to do. But I'll definitely be back before you know it. There will be a few changes in my journals: I'm going to be doing less in-depth album reviews than I did previously (well, that's the plan anyway!) and I will no longer be using YouTube videos in those reviews. Basically, I feel that if my writing doesn't get across to you how I feel about the album, there's little point in using a video to illustrate my points. And anyway, anyone who really wants to check the artiste out can do so easily.

Thanks to those who contacted me outside of the forum, and to those who “checked up on me”, especially Unknown Soldier and Janszoon, and of course both my equally lovely Jesses. Thanks as well to all who posted comments and messages of support here; it's really appreciated. (No Batlord, it's not gay...) I've had a good break and I'm ready to dive back in, so watch for me on the road, because one of these days very soon you'll see pale yellow headlights approaching over the hill, and the night air will be broken by the erratic honking of a battered old Ford Model T, signalling the return home of Trollheart... and I can't even drive!

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Isbjørn

Welcome back, Trollheart!

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