Mojo

I'll have to check these videos out when I get home Urban, because I find that very hard to believe. Then again you're expecting people to, so this is intriguing.

In saying I find it hard to believe because I wouldn't say I hate Cliff or anything, but just that if I were to meet both him and Russell Brand I wouldn't know which one to push under the nearest bus first.

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Last.FM | Echoes and Dust

Urban Hat€monger ?

Phil Collins : You Can't Hurry Love
Oh dear God, now I'm going to have Phil Collins polluting my Last FM page for all eternity.
Why do I get the feeling this isn't going to be the last time I have to listen to this boring slaphead in this series.
Where the hell is Diana Ross & her 2 buddies when you need them?

Duran Duran : Is There Something I Should Know
Well it's no Girls On Film or Planet Earth but at least it's not Wild B-B-B-B-B-Boys or The R-R-R-R-R-R-R-Reflex, or anything else Simon Le Bon recorded with a stutter.

UB40 : Red Red Wine
How is it possible that I have heard this song approx 10,000 times in my entire lifetime without even trying. I just don't get it I have never, ever once said to myself 'I really want to listen to Red Red Wine by UB40 I think I'll go put it on'.
Never, not once.
Hell I'm listening to it now and I didn't even say that, I'm skipping this garbage.
There's a rap in the middle of this one, where did that come from?

Limahl : Only for Love
I thought the theme song to Never Ending Story was his only hit after leaving Kajagoogoo. Apparently not.
It says this was his debut single that got to No. 16 in the charts, so I guess I am right about that being his only hit.
He got lucky getting it as far as No16, this sounds like a bad white Prince imitation. At least it's not the sappy ballad I was expecting with that title.

Heaven 17 : Temptation
All you have to know is this is one of the greatest synthpop songs ever written and I love it just as much now as I did when I first heard it.

KC and the Sunshine Band : Give It Up
Before listening to this song I remembered sometime in my childhood liking a song called 'Give it Up' or something along those lines. Sadly this wasn't it. This is the song I remembered as being the annoyingly happy song that irritates me with a similar title to a song I like.

Malcolm McLaren : Double Dutch
It's funny how your mind plays tricks on you. I do have vague recollections of this song and I definitely remember reading about it years later saying how it broke down barriers and bought hip hop into the UK charts and what have you.
All I can say is if this is all true why does this sound like a giant turd coming out of my speakers.
Awful.

Bonnie Tyler : Total Eclipse of the Heart
I made a comment somewhere (Not here) on the Eurovision song contest saying I had no desire to listen to Bonnie Tyler in 1983 let alone now.
So I'm going to stick to that
Fuck off you Welsh tart.

Culture Club : Karma Chameleon
I quite liked Culture Club back then and I still do now, they put out some fantastic singles. This isn't one of my favourites but it beats having to listen to Bonnie Fucking Tyler.

Men Without Hats : The Safety Dance
This is one of those songs you see the song title but you can never remember how the song goes. Then you hear the song and you think 'OOOHHHH it's THAT one'.
And then the next time you see the song title you can't remember how it goes or if you hear it on the radio you forget the title.......
And so the whole vicious cycle begins again.

Kajagoogoo : Too Shy
I can't actually bring myself to slag this off because I used to quite like this at the time.
For some reason I always remember that the bass players name is Nick Beggs. I have no idea why I remember that but it says something that I can name him 30 years after his one and only hit and yet I couldn't name the other three in Coldplay at gunpoint.
So fuck you Coldplay

Mike Oldfield & Maggie Reilly : Moonlight Shadow
Can't listen to this song without thinking of this...

There's actually a pretty decent guitar solo at the end of this which I never knew about.

Men at Work : Down Under
Isn't it the law that you have to like this song?

Rock Steady Crew : (Hey You) The Rock Steady Crew
The song that REALLY bought Breakdancing & Hip Hop to the UK Charts.
And yes, I still love it.
Yes others came first but it wasn't until this came out that I began to see people with boomboxes doing it in the street on oversized pieces of cardboard suffering from headaches during the school holidays.

Rod Stewart : Baby Jane
Rod Stewart has always been a great enigma to me. I want to hate him but can't because of that voice which was made for singing dirty blues or garage rock. I loved him in The Faces, they were perfect for him. But then he had to go and leave them to start a solo career singing utter tat. At least some of his 70s tat was listenable & had some kind of novelty value. This is just shit.

Paul Young : Wherever I Lay My Hat (That's My Home)
True story, Paul Young bought a load of land off my Grandmother after the success of this to build a recording studio. Sadly the hits dried up shortly afterwards and his fame ran out before he could finish it and in the end he just sold the house that had been built there instead.
I want a make a joke about not seeing a hat or something while the house was being built but i'm fucked if I can think of one right now.
I'm so glad that my family are not responsible for a deluge of Paul Young albums to get released.


Part 2 coming very soon.

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Mojo

This is some fine reviewing.

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Last.FM | Echoes and Dust

Unknown Soldier

What a torture it must be listening to one of these albums, I remember most of these terrible songs when I was at school where half the other kids where usually humming or singing these songs! Agree the Heaven 17 song stands out for its quality and is the only good song on there. Must admit I liked the "Safety Dance" I think it must've been the only hit the band ever put out and dug the video and I bought the single when it came out.


Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance HQ (Music Video) (1982) - YouTube

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Metal Wars

Power Metal

Pounding Decibels- A Hard and Heavy History

CrazyVegn

I happen to really like this one, although it reminds me of a funeral that was going on the same overcast day it came on the radio.

Urban Hat€monger ?

New Edition : Candy Girl
So I'm listening to this thinking that none of them sound any older than 8 years old so I do some googling and I'm told the band were put together in 1978, so by the time this came out in 83 they'd been together 5 years!!!
What were they? The Jackson Five Fetus Tribute Band?

Kajagoogoo : Big Apple
So apparently Kajagoogoo had another hit.
I don't remember it either.
The bass players name is Nick Beggs you know. He sings this one as well. The other singer had fucked off for a solo career by now.

Tina Turner : Let's Stay Together
Tina Turner's career reminds me of that of Stevie Wonder in that I'd happily listen to anything they put out in the 60s & 70s but I wouldn't piss on the master tapes of their 80s material if it was on fire.
This is dire

The Human League : (Keep Feeling) Fascination
Oh God, I'm in synthpop heaven. People might remember 'Don't You Want Me' more but I always felt this was their best song.
This is getting turned up loud.

Howard Jones : New Song
YAY!!! It's Howard and he's throwing off his mental chains.
Despite the fact I only liked this song because of the bald guy in bondage dancing along to it this still sounds pretty good.
As soon as he ditched baldy nobody really cared. A lesson for anyone in a band with a bald guy in bondage who doesn't play an instrument.

UB40 : Please Don't Make Me Cry
This is about as reggae as me blacking up, putting on a dreadlocked wig, putting a yellow, red & green tea cosy on my head and singing a Westlife song in a Jamaican accent.
At least the accent would make it sound more genuine than this sub-sentimental slush.

Peabo Bryson & Roberta Flack : Tonight I Celebrate My Love
I had no idea what a Peabo was so I looked it up on Urban Dictionary...

Peabo
An arch of colors ranging from yellow to orange formed in the sky in certain circumstances, caused by the refraction and dispersion of the sun's light by urine or other pee droplets in the atmosphere.
Double peabo all the way across the sky; It's starting to look like a triple peabo; Look at that peabo.

Peabo
Another word for the male penis.
Wow, his peabo is huge.

Peabo
Acute vicarious embarassment, such a watching a friend hit on someone in a clumsy manner. Often spawned by watching Three's Company.
After seeing Susan perform an earnest karaoke ode to Celine Dion, Micheal's peabo made him avoid eye contact with the other horrified patrons of the bar.

Peabo
Peabo is a 395 pound black man who's in prison ,Mangles his cock at night, likes to hold his cell buddies safely and securely in his rough strong arms late at night, sodomises his buddies in in the jail showers, has a strong deep voice, has a 18 inch penis and every sentence that comes out his mouth starts with looke here boi.
Peabo-Looke here boi, if you bend ova and be quiet this will be nice and quick .
john-sobs.
Peabo-bend ove boi and take this chocolate in yo rectum foo.
john-ahhh that fucken hurts!
Peabo-i said be quiet or ill put in the rest of the 12inches.
john-ok ok ok (sobs!)

What you just learned there was far more interesting than this turgid ballad.

Tracey Ullman : They Don't Know
In between leaving the BBC television series 'Three Of A Kind' where she starred with Lenny Henry & David Copperfield (Not him, a rather dire comedian from the north of England). And being known as the person who first aired The Simpsons on her show on US TV, Tracey Ullman had a short career making bad records where she sounded like Cyndi Lauper on helium.

Will Powers : Kissing with Confidence
I used to have a friend called Craig
One day I was invited to Craig's sisters 14th birthday party on the basis that the house would be full of girls and Craig was allowed to invite a friend around to stop him getting bored.
I have very vivid memories of the DJ and his shitty traffic light disco lights playing this song and forcing Craigs sister and her friends who were all about 5 or 6 years older than me and about a foot taller to kiss (read dribble over) me.
It still haunts me to this day.

Genesis : That's All
If only

The Cure : The Love Cats
I was about to say that this was what really showed off Simon Gallup's genius in The Cure only to discover he left the band in 82, returned in 84 thus not playing on this.
Oh well

Simple Minds : Waterfront
This song wasn't on The Breakfast Club soundtrack, and it also wasn't used to announce the launch of the Premier League so I've never heard this.
I'm going to have to listen to a few Simple Minds albums in my other journal, if this is anything to go by it's nice to know I won't totally hate them. Good, but not spectacular.

Madness : The Sun and the Rain
I quite like a lot of Madness' early material but by this point they were pretty much a joke band and their 2 Tone roots had all but disappeared. Hearing this just makes me wish I was listening to Baggy Trousers, Cardiac Arrest or Night Boat To Cairo instead. Having said that it's not as terrible as some of the stuff they were putting out in 82/83.

Culture Club : Victims
I couldn't remember this song from the title at all although I know a lot of people who think it's their best.
Then when it started I remembered it's the ballad I hated. I hope Church Of The Poison Mind comes up on these compilations, I love that song.

Highlights
1. The Cure
2. Heaven 17
3. The Human League

Lowlights
1. UB40
2. Bonnie Tyler
3. Peabo Bryson & Roberta Flack

Volume 2 coming soon ...........

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Trollheart

I love this idea! Always the one thinking outside the box, eh, Urban? Mind you, listening to, what, about twenty boyband albums nearly killed me! You're gonna listen to --- how many volumes of this trash is there now? --- Jesus! 84??? All I can say is, if you can listen to that amount of garbage without going insane and killing your family you're a better man than me, Gunga Din!

I will pray for you to the Rock Gods, that they keep you safe and do what they can to shield you from the evil that is bland pop music.

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Urban Hat€monger ?

It's the 26th of March 1984 and out pops the second instalment of....


Queen : Radio Ga Ga
Isn't 80s Queen really depressing?
Not that I thought they were much better in the 70s but it was better than this guff.

Nik Kershaw : Wouldn't It Be Good
Nik Kershaw appeared on my local radio station last year promoting his new album under what I thought was the mistaken assumption people still care.
Well consider me told because this guy has 1.5 million listens on Last FM and will be playing the O2 arena on Dec 23rd for Kim Wilde's Christmas Party.

Thompson Twins : Hold Me Now
Sometime around the time this was released I was in the record shop with the last £1.30 of my birthday money. I went to the bargain bin and pulled out Madness' 'Seven' album for 99p a Thompson Twins 12 inch single for 15p and I bought a few apples with what was left over. I'm not sure it was even this song I bought and I can't remember any of their others so it must have left a great impression.
I know you were desperate to hear that riveting story.

Matt Bianco : Get Out of Your Lazy Bed
This song needs to win an award for being the most used song on kids TV shows or on cheap imported TV shows featuring dubious hidden camera stunts & tricks being played on Eastern Europeans.

Carmel : More, More, More
I have absolutely no recollection of ever hearing this song whatsoever. It has a nice 60s Motown feel & some nice bongo action. Not the worst song I've heard on this compilation so far by a long shot.
Please Note: This isn't the 70s disco song you probably think this is.

Madness : Michael Caine
Great actor, Shit song

The Flying Pickets : Only You
The main thing I remember about this song is that my sister and I were watching some TV show at Christmas when they came on to sing this. One of the singers was bald and also bore a canny resemblance to Uncle Fester had a growing pile of snow on his head which to my sister who was 4 or 5 years old all the time thought was the funniest thing ever and couldn't stop laughing for the next 6 months.
Sadly I couldn't find the video of it so you'll have to make do with this artists impression of the event.



I could also give this song props because the lead singer was in the amazing movie Twin Town. But I'm not.

Nena : 99 Red Balloons
Eurovision shite, no matter what language it's sung in.

Cyndi Lauper : Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
I can't really say anything bad about this because this song was the whole catalyst for the whole Rock n Wrestling connection thing with Cyndi coming into the WWF and having Rowdy Roddy Piper smash a gold disc over her manager's head and kick her in the face at 'The War To Settle The Score' with Hulk Hogan & Mr T which ultimately lead on to the first ever Wrestlemania being the huge success it was. And it had Capt. Lou Albano playing her Dad in the video.

In another weird turn of events after the whole melee in the ring they cut to Mean Gene Okerlund backstage who did an interview with Andy Warhol on his thoughts about what had just occurred....



Tracey Ullman : My Guy's Mad at Me
Ugh, what's with all these crap Madness songs.
Ugh, what's with all these crap Tracey Ullman covers.

Matthew Wilder : Break My Stride
I must have heard this song 1000 times and I had no idea who sung it, I still have no idea

Julia & Company : Breaking Down
Generic mid 80s R&B by someone else I've never heard of. I'm assuming Julia didn't have company for very long.

Joe Fagin : That's Livin' Alright
While managing Liverpool to First Division, League Cup & European Cup glory in 1984 Joe also had a job on the side singing the theme tune to 'Auf Wiedersehen Pet'. No wonder he was voted manager of the year. Thankfully it saved us from having a Jimmy Nail sung theme tune.
Random fact: Gary Holton who played Wayne Norris in the series before he died of a drugs overdose the following year was in a rather good underrated trashy glam band called The Heavy Metal Kids who recorded 3 albums in the mid 70s.

Hot Chocolate : I Gave You My Heart (Didn't I)
This song wasn't in The Full Monty therefore I don't care.

Snowy White : Bird of Paradise
I have to give Snowy the benefit of the doubt here as he was very briefly Thin Lizzy's guitarist when they recorded their Renegade album in 1981, an album I've always been rather fond of despite it's critics.
Snowy was a bit too lightweight for Lizzy and they soon got rid of him to make room for John Sykes who shoved a rocket up the bands arse and was the main spark of inspiration that was responsible for the amazing Thunder & Lightning album which was the heaviest album Thin Lizzy ever recorded.
why am I babbling on about Thin Lizzy? Well it's much more interesting than this rather dull ballad which is your typical 80s guitarist ballad with a very slow mellow blues riff and a guitar solo in the middle and not very much else. Gary Moore did this kind of thing a million times better.
Oh look, another Thin Lizzy reference.
Probably the story of Snowy White's life.

Part 2 coming soon

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Trollheart

I am absolutely hooked on this! Mind you, you do know that you have just lost three quadragillion points in street cred on your Last.FM list, dont'cha? Small children will point at you and laugh as you shuffle by, head down muttering "It's for a blog, it's for a blog! I don't listen to this stuff for enjoyment! I'm much deeper than that!"

Sadly, your protests will be drowned out by the laughter and general jeering.

Brave man, brave man...

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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

Urban Hat€monger ?

I don't care I'm having fun.

Besides...

I think I can hide a handful of Phil Collins tracks in that lot somewhere.

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