Urban Hat€monger ?

10. Dr. Dre - I Need A Doctor (feat. Eminem & Skylar Grey)

Nice to know that after all these years Eminem still sounds like a petulant teenager who's whining about being grounded. The video is hilarious. He looks like a little kid lost on some sci fi movie set. I was half expecting some guy in a clipboard to come into shot and lead him away to where his mummy was waiting for him in the wings
This is over slick, over glossy, over expensive, over produced garbage.
This is to hip hop what November Rain was to rock music.
You hit a moment where you think to yourself ...WHY?
Don't you have anything interesting left to say?
Where's the attitude?
Where's the energy?
Where's the balls?
Hip hop now reminds me so much of how hair metal was circa 1990, just lost in it's own extravagance, fat & bloated just waiting to die.
Now if only something would come along & kill it.


09. Rihanna - S&M (Come On)
Boom
Thud
Boom
Thud
Boom
Thud
(Parpy 80s synths)
Boom
Thud
Boom
Thud
Boom
Thud
(Parpy 80s synths)
Boom
Thud
Boom
Thud
Boom
Thud
(Parpy 80s synths)
Rihanna is wailing away over the top of this about how she's such a kinky bitch or something.
Just like that last female pop singer who said the exact same thing probably using the exact same beat & tune maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago.
I couldn't watch the video to this. It's too dangerous for my virgin eyes apparently and I couldn't be bothered signing up an account on Youtube just for this shit. Which is quite funny considering her titties have been splashed (literally) all over the internet and viewable just about everywhere.
Still at least I know who she is which is more than I can say for....

08. Katy B - Broken Record
Like one of those anonymous club anthem one hit wonders from the 90s
Katy B ladies & gentlemen 2011's Olive
everybody sing along with me
"Youuuuu are not alllllloooone"

07. Jessie J - Price Tag (feat. B.o.B)
Why is it that every music producer seems to think that sticking a rap in the middle of a song that clearly doesn't need one makes it sound hip?
Do something different for fuck sake
How about a kazoo solo?
How about a marching band?
How about a stadium full of people with vuvuzela's
How about an entire fucking orchestra made up of people with down syndrome?
Anything but another fucking rap

B.o.B .. You're not needed on this record
Fuck off.

06. Wiz Khalifa - Black And Yellow
The best tribute to Stryper I have ever heard


05. Nicole Scherzinger - Don't Hold Your Breath
No please do hold your breath.
Preferably for around 5 minutes or so.
Let us know how you do

04. The Black Eyed Peas - Just Can't Get Enough
Fortunately I did however get enough of this autotuned peice of shit, somewhere around the 20 second mark.

03. LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem ft. Lauren Bennett, GoonRock
Timmy Mallet retro cool
Actually forget that, It makes it sound much better than it actually is.

Spot The Difference

02. Adele - Someone Like You
This song breaks all the laws of physics. Time seems to ground to a halt, The concept of infinity becomes a revelation in your mind. The understanding of it rushes over you and you realise that you are a part of something never ending (this song). Adele quite literally has invented something that will go on forever. i bet she's still in a recording studio as we speak still singing it and whether it be 100 year, a million years, a million million years this song will still be going on in a seemingly endless loop for all eternity.
Or at least it felt like it anyway.

Dull

01. Jennifer Lopez - On The Floor ft. Pitbull
Booty shaking club anthem taken from her forthcoming concept album based on the life & works of Russian poet & playwrite Vladimir Mayakovsky and his concepts of Russian futurism entitled A Slap Of My Arse In The Face Of Public Taste.
Pitbull says "Yeah, Yeah" a lot.

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Bulldog

Eminem grates like nails on a chalkboard for me. I loved the guy when I was a kid, and I think there's something of a fire in the belly of his first two albums, but to say I've turned on the philandering cunt over the years would be an understatement.

That Rihanna tune is just knockoff garbage. It's unabashed Gaga-lite, as if the world needed any of that.

Listening to Adele is like listening to paint dry...I'd sooner be caught listening to fucking Enya.

And as for the Black Eyed Peas, they seem to exist for the sole purpose of finding me new reasons to hate them every week.

Merkaba

Urban the ADHD review was brilliant. Love the music, it's like a whisky and a pack a day version of David Yow on vocals.

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She thinks I'm a reclusive genius, she's going to be very disappointed when she finds out i'm a reclusive wanker

Urban Hat€monger ?

Ridiculous Moments In Music History

1. Introducing your teacher with the matching moustachioed/afro permed combo Mr Richie.



2. Introducing the blind chick, here seen acting giving the brush off to another equally moustachioed fellow student.



3. Lionel thinks 'Mmmm I'm gonna get me some of that'



4. Lionel decides that stalking her in a ridiculous jumper is the best policy.



5. Blind chick takes solace in a giant lump of clay.



6. Lionel decides to stalk her some more.



7. Blind chick is disturbed by a phone call in bed.
Who could it be?????????.......

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Urban Hat€monger ?

8. It's Lionel!!!!!
And he's decided that singing to her down the phone will get into her panties.



9. But then decides to hang up after one line



10. Blind chick decides ' Most romantic thing EVAAAAAA' And then goes to sleep dreaming about Lionel's matching moustache & afro.



11. The next day Lionel is back, hard at work probably writing Dancing On The Ceiling or something.



12. When he's informed of a commotion in the art room.....



13. The blind chick reveals her masterpiece, A bust of a neanderthal Tom Selleck



14. Lionel informs blind chick that he has something else she can touch if she so wishes, and they both live happily ever after.

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Dr_Rez

I thoroughly enjoyed that. I hope there are more exciting true stories to come.
My only critique is the mustache on the bust of big Tom S is not nearly bushy enough.

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*Best chance of losing virginity is in prison crew*
*Always Checks Credentials Crew*
*nba > nfl crew*
*Shave one of my legs to pretend its a girl in my bed crew*

Mr Sensitive

No matter how many times I watch that video that clay bust always cracks me up.

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Paedantic Basterd

Please, in the future, Dancing in the Street.

Badlittlekitten

That look at the UK charts was the first time I've seen the top ten in years and how depressing it is. Thanks for adding humour to an otherwise morbid read.

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'Said do you feel it? Do you feel it when you TOUCH ME?. THERE'S A FIRE! THERE'S A FIRE!' The Stooges. Dirt.

https://soundcloud.com/bad-little-kittens
My Top 100 LPs
My Top 52 Indie Tracks Of The 21st Century (incomplete)

Urban Hat€monger ?

For a long time I have wanted to do something with Kiss's solo albums but never really thought much about it and as a result I been holding this off for ages.

Last Christmas my sister bought me Larry Harris's book '...And Party Every Day' which is about his time being 2nd in command at Casablanca Records in the 70s. With Kiss being Casablanca's main act and a large portion of the book being dedicated to them I found out quite a lot about the behind the scenes workings as to how the 4 solo albums came about now with that extra info at my disposal I feel motivated enough to give this a shot and to look at all four of those Kiss solo albums released all on the same day on September 18th 1978.

The allowance of solo albums had been a part of Kiss's contract with Casablanca but it wasn't until late 1977 after 6 straight albums & tours in 4 years that the label began hearing mutterings of certain members of the band wanting to do other things.

Peter Criss & Ace Frehley were the most vocal about this feeling that they were secondary to Gene & Paul. They because less involved with the band and more interested in various substances and all the other trappings that fame & fortune gives you.

Both Gene & Paul were against the idea at first, wanting to carry on releasing Kiss albums but when things started fall apart badly during the filming of Phantom Of The Park with Ace Frehley going AWOL during filming and Peter Criss getting into a serious car accident while drunk they decided that some time apart would do the band more good than harm.
The band reached a compromise that they would all release solo albums, all on the same day, all under the Kiss banner and all dedicated to the other 3 members of the band.

Casablanca Records were against the idea, they had already been bailed out of debt and just been taken over by Polygram Records. This kind of stunt was just the sort of thing that put them in debt in the first place, plus solo albums never sold well and were worth half an album on Kiss's contract. Meaning that 4 solo albums would mean that Kiss would have to deliver Casablanca 2 less albums to fulfil their contract. The label told Kiss manager Bill Aucoin they wouldn't do it, Aucoin told them that things had fallen apart in the band so badly if they didn't allow it to happen by the following year there wouldn't be a Kiss.

On the run up to the albums releases both the band & the record company got together to discuss the details. The record company wanted to press 500,000 copies of each album thus certifying them gold. Kiss wanted one million copies of each album pressed meaning they could say each album had gone platinum. As Kiss's last release had sold around the 5 million mark up to that point the record company relented and in total around 4.3 million copies of the albums were pressed.

It was a total disaster, each album barely scraped around 500,000 sales meaning that Casablanca were looking at over 2 million albums being unsold & thrown into bargain bins across the world. The company lost millions on both getting the albums out & promoting them heavily, Polygram were furious, Other record were furious as well because all their top stars would now want to know why their record companies wouldn't give them the same kind of deal that Casablanca gave Kiss.

Despite all the predictions that Gene & Paul's albums who would sell the most it was actually Ace Frehley who sold the most copies of his album (Just a few thousand more than Paul Stanley's) off the back of his minor hit single 'New York Groove'. Even more amazing when you consider that up till that point the only song Frehley had sung on with Kiss was 'Shock Me' on the Love Gun album.

Although the albums were a total failure I think you have to admire the balls to do something different. Despite what some people thing there is some great stuff on these albums. so I think I shall dig a little deeper into them.........

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