The Batlord

This reminds me of the time I was with my dude who was buying booze at a grocery store and there was this old crotchety bitch working the register and she asked for MY ID even though I wasn't the one buying the booze. Now, my ID was expired but it was clearly an ID and I was clearly the person in the picture but she wouldn't give my dude the booze cause my ID was expired.

Like, way to defend mindless bureaucracy, you prune faced cunt. Clearly I forged a fake ID that wasn't even current so that I could hang around the guy actually buying the booze cause we're just that dastardly. Bitch was probably mad wet just at the thought of defending the 18th Amendment.

Yeah I like literally everything about the bit, the word choice, the pantomime running down the field with the old timey pajama cap, the fake Chinese when ordering NFL prostitutes, everything, but it just doesn't make me laugh. It's great performance art but lousy comedy and oddly impressive that it accomplishes this weird task.

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jwb

When I got kicked out of the homeless shelter the 2nd time for drinking I ended up getting jumped (got into a random altercation with some teens and didn't know how to keep my mouth shut) and they took my wallet which had my ID and debit card plus the half bottle of soco I had left in my jacket pocket

I called the bank and cancelled my card which had about $700 leftover from my tax returns and I got an ATM access code and took out a couple hundred.

I had a hole where my tooth punctured clear through just above my upper lip on the right side and I went into Walgreens and washed it out. I could literally squirt water through the hole above my lip lol. Then I went to the register and bought a tallboy and some dxm gel caps no problem no ID. Bloodied face and all. Then I called for an ambulance and drank the beer while I waited.

When they got there, they said I didn't need stitches but they could treat the wound but that's about it. Didn't seem like they'd keep me overnight so I just said I'm good and they went on their way.

Walked down to the local motel near the Walmart and it's not quite a crack motel but low budget next to a waffle house and run by some Indians (I swear Indians named Patel run like all the hotels around here lol) and they wouldn't give me a room without ID even though I had 300 cash and the room is like $40. I even explained my situation and they were like sorry to hear that but it's the policy. No exceptions. Wasn't even a corporate chain either.

I honestly hate this aspect of modernity that the state has so much control over your identity or like they have to sign off on your identity just to exist as a person and do normal **** like find a place to sleep etc. I bet 50-100 years ago as long as you had the money you could find a place to sleep. Could be wrong but it seems like **** is only getting more and more soulless and corporate over time. The human element is eroding away.

Here I was with $300 sleeping in the Walmart bathroom stall. Some worker stumbled on me and asked if I was ok then left me alone lol. Southern hospitality. Some lingering vestige of the human element at least. In Florida, I can almost guarantee they would've run my ass outta there lol. But yeah wasn't a fun night.

Then again there was another time I was with my brother at Walmart shopping and I had a case of beer I was buying, among other things. My brother was just with me for the the errand. He was like 17. The cashier was this nerdy guy who insisted my brother needed an ID for me to buy the beer. I said he's not buying it, it's my stuff he's just with me. Wouldn't budge. I was like really??? So I just found a cooler cashier and bought it from them. He saw me on the way out as I circled around to the exit and he just looked at me awkwardly like I give a **** about his rules once I already made the purchase. I don't understand why he was being such a Nazi about it.

The Batlord

I'm sure the cashier wouldn't dream of doing that to a parent and their kid. Just young people who are clearly smoking crack and worshipping Satan.

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jwb

It's a mixed bag at Walmart

Went in one time to get a USB cable and the bitch looked at me like I was speaking Greek. I found the **** myself.

Then another time I got this autistic seeming guy who was awkward but friendly and meticulous. I was like I need an aux cable and he was like we have 3ft 6ft 8ft 12ft.... I settled for 3ft.

The Batlord

I wouldn't dream of asking a Wal-Mart employee anything even vaguely smelling of tech ****.

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jwb

I worked at Walmart in the electronics section and got questions I didn't know the answer to all the time but a micro USB cable is the kinda **** I can buy at a gas station or a family dollar. Not exactly high tech

jadis

RIP Robin Williams, a brutally unfunny person. Fortunately, the circumstances of his death were made extremely funny by the cumboys, and thus in his death he was redeemed.





(though the uploader shouldn't have have cut it off halfway into Nick's brilliant Charlton Heston impression, "come to the show and give me sucky sucky")

Plankton

lolz


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGEAiUeiaKs

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adidasss

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“Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle.

Last.fm

jadis