The world's worst movies

Quality Cucumber · 03-01-2015, 04:07 PM

I spent all of last year working my way through the filmography of David Decoteau. By chance, I purchased A Talking Cat!?! on DVD from a Blockbuster during a closing sale. I had a feeling about the movie as I placed it on top of my stack of bargain bin trash, but I had no idea just how far it would stretch my concept of bad.

Ohhh, sweet glory.

I've seen 19 of his 117 films, and each one is worse than the last:

A Talking Cat!?!
Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper
3 Wicked Witches
A Pony Tale (A Talking Pony!?!)
Badass Showdown
An Easter Bunny Puppy (The masterpiece.)
A Halloween Puppy
1313: Cougar Cult
1313: Bigfoot Island
1313: Giant Killer Bees!
Christmas Spirit (A Christmas Puppy)
Puppet Master 3: Toulon’s Revenge
Puppet Master 6: Curse of the Puppet Master
Puppet Master 7: Retro Puppet Master (Starring a young Greg Sestero of The Room fame.)
Puppet Master 9: Axis of Evil
House of Usher
Leeches!
Skeletons
Dreamaniac

**Yac** · 03-02-2015, 04:34 AM

David Decocteau!
I discovered him a couple of years back when I saw Grizzly Rage on polish tv... The whole movie looked like a failed project of a community film college or something ... Seriously, it is that bad.
I've been a fan ever since

The best thing though, he's still making movies. Someone keeps giving him money to waste. I have yet to figure out why. At least Uve Boll has some reasons to exist in the movie industry despite all the crap he's produced, but mr Decocteau?

Quality Cucumber · 03-02-2015, 08:21 PM

I met David Decoteau at a convention in January. Really nice guy, and he takes care of his talent from what I could see. He claims to have made A Talking Cat!?! as a joke (Quoth Mr. Decoteau as we were about to take a group picture while holding the DVD, "I'll hold this up and pretend I'm proud of it."), and by his admission, Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper was made in one weekend. I assume that the people in the production team, which is consistent across many of these films, share similar attitudes.

He has done a couple of decent films (Puppet Master 3 being the best I've seen, if only for Guy Rolfe's immersive performance as André Toulon), but the sheer volume of D grade cinema that he puts forth makes me wonder if he even wants to make movies with a budget and things like plot. In Hollywood, everybody puts up a façade and will lead you on before ultimately flaking. It is a pain in the ass trying to collaborate in Los Angeles (or doing something as simple as grabbing a drink together) because you'll make plans with someone and they will bail on you at the last minute, claiming that something came up, or worse yet, they won't even contact you and you'll be left high and dry. I imagine that Mr. Decoteau and his constituents don't want to have to deal with that and would rather churn out 4 crap movies a year than deliberate on a project for a decade only to have it fall through because nobody can keep a commitment. Part of me suspects that there is a money laundering scheme funding his projects, but I cannot substantiate that suspicion. He makes some residuals. I know that a few of his films are available on Netflix, and his connections with that stalwart of cult cinema, Charles Band, means that at least some of his content is distributed through Full Moon Pictures. Is it enough to sustain an empire of abysmal cinema? I'm not sure.

Bulldog · 03-03-2015, 05:47 PM

Ok, it's only March, but I'm pretty sure I won't see a horror movie worse than this for the rest of the year. I didn't really like the first Woman In Black remake from a few years back much, but this makes it look like a masterpiece. At least there was one scene in that movie which was actually kinda creepy. There is nothing to redeem this one. Put simply, when you find yourself laughing at a film's attempts to scare you, something has gone very, very wrong with your movie.

Would be the worst horror movie I've seen in this decade, were it not for...

*shudder*

~~BigDGarciaDancer~~ · 03-03-2015, 08:29 PM

how bout "Heaven's Gate" starring Kris Kristofferson, Christopher Walken and Jeff Bridges? theres a documentary on youtube on how the movie was made....to be a disaster, disastrous enough to put MGM out of business.

innerspaceboy · 03-03-2015, 08:51 PM

I'll offer a few of my favorite Z-movies.

There's the first official monster musical - The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (1964)

The Room and Birdemic are perhaps the most recently-released epically bad movies. Birdemic warrants repeated viewings.

And several craptastic movies are mentioned in the surprisingly enjoyable REWIND THIS! VHS-culture documentary from 2013. Films like -

Hamburger: The Motion Picture

Attack of the Killer Refrigerator

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

Any of David "The Rock" Nelson's shot-on-a-home-video-camera monster movies

The internet-famous Winnebago Man

And the horrendous Windows 95 Easy Instruction Video Guide (a "cyber-sitcom" featuring Jennifer Aniston and Matthew Perry IN CHARACTER teaching you about Windows.)

And as a life-long fan of MST3K, I can't leave out some of the best-loved b-movies they've riffed -

Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
Pod People
Hobgoblins
Space Mutiny
Soultaker
Manos: The Hands of Fate
and The Final Sacrifice

EDIT: Left out an essential flick - Troll 2, which is neither the sequel to the movie Troll, nor does it feature a single troll in the movie. (They're goblins.)

The movie has it's own making-of documentary from 2009 - Best Worst Movie. One of my all-time favs.

The Batlord · 03-03-2015, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by innerspaceboy

And the horrendous Windows 95 Easy Instruction Video Guide (a "cyber-sitcom" featuring Jennifer Aniston and Matthew Perry IN CHARACTER teaching you about Windows.)

OMG! I must have it!

innerspaceboy · 03-03-2015, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Batlord

OMG! I must have it!

simplephysics · 03-03-2015, 09:18 PM

An hour long? A cyber sitcom? A wacky bunch of propeller heads? I cant, I just can't.

Also, Rachel and Chandler never had a substantial story line, jeesh. Should be Chandler and Joey, obviously.

The Batlord · 03-03-2015, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by innerspaceboy

I could only take about twenty minutes of that torture.

03-01-2015, 04:07 PM	#91 (permalink)
Quality Cucumber Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2015 Posts: 60	I spent all of last year working my way through the filmography of David Decoteau. By chance, I purchased A Talking Cat!?! on DVD from a Blockbuster during a closing sale. I had a feeling about the movie as I placed it on top of my stack of bargain bin trash, but I had no idea just how far it would stretch my concept of bad. Ohhh, sweet glory. I've seen 19 of his 117 films, and each one is worse than the last: A Talking Cat!?! Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper 3 Wicked Witches A Pony Tale (A Talking Pony!?!) Badass Showdown An Easter Bunny Puppy (The masterpiece.) A Halloween Puppy 1313: Cougar Cult 1313: Bigfoot Island 1313: Giant Killer Bees! Christmas Spirit (A Christmas Puppy) Puppet Master 3: Toulon’s Revenge Puppet Master 6: Curse of the Puppet Master Puppet Master 7: Retro Puppet Master (Starring a young Greg Sestero of The Room fame.) Puppet Master 9: Axis of Evil House of Usher Leeches! Skeletons Dreamaniac __________________ http://i60.tinypic.com/b6awes.gif

03-02-2015, 08:21 PM	#93 (permalink)
Quality Cucumber Music Addict Join Date: Feb 2015 Posts: 60	I met David Decoteau at a convention in January. Really nice guy, and he takes care of his talent from what I could see. He claims to have made A Talking Cat!?! as a joke (Quoth Mr. Decoteau as we were about to take a group picture while holding the DVD, "I'll hold this up and pretend I'm proud of it."), and by his admission, Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper was made in one weekend. I assume that the people in the production team, which is consistent across many of these films, share similar attitudes. He has done a couple of decent films (Puppet Master 3 being the best I've seen, if only for Guy Rolfe's immersive performance as André Toulon), but the sheer volume of D grade cinema that he puts forth makes me wonder if he even wants to make movies with a budget and things like plot. In Hollywood, everybody puts up a façade and will lead you on before ultimately flaking. It is a pain in the ass trying to collaborate in Los Angeles (or doing something as simple as grabbing a drink together) because you'll make plans with someone and they will bail on you at the last minute, claiming that something came up, or worse yet, they won't even contact you and you'll be left high and dry. I imagine that Mr. Decoteau and his constituents don't want to have to deal with that and would rather churn out 4 crap movies a year than deliberate on a project for a decade only to have it fall through because nobody can keep a commitment. Part of me suspects that there is a money laundering scheme funding his projects, but I cannot substantiate that suspicion. He makes some residuals. I know that a few of his films are available on Netflix, and his connections with that stalwart of cult cinema, Charles Band, means that at least some of his content is distributed through Full Moon Pictures. Is it enough to sustain an empire of abysmal cinema? I'm not sure. __________________ http://i60.tinypic.com/b6awes.gif

03-02-2015, 04:34 AM	#92 (permalink)
Yac Super Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: It's a secret too. Posts: 1,363	David Decocteau! I discovered him a couple of years back when I saw Grizzly Rage on polish tv... The whole movie looked like a failed project of a community film college or something ... Seriously, it is that bad. I've been a fan ever since The best thing though, he's still making movies. Someone keeps giving him money to waste. I have yet to figure out why. At least Uve Boll has some reasons to exist in the movie industry despite all the crap he's produced, but mr Decocteau?

03-03-2015, 05:47 PM	#94 (permalink)
Bulldog why bother? Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: UK Posts: 4,840	Ok, it's only March, but I'm pretty sure I won't see a horror movie worse than this for the rest of the year. I didn't really like the first Woman In Black remake from a few years back much, but this makes it look like a masterpiece. At least there was one scene in that movie which was actually kinda creepy. There is nothing to redeem this one. Put simply, when you find yourself laughing at a film's attempts to scare you, something has gone very, very wrong with your movie. Would be the worst horror movie I've seen in this decade, were it not for... shudder

03-03-2015, 08:29 PM	#95 (permalink)
~~BigDGarciaDancer~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 34	how bout "Heaven's Gate" starring Kris Kristofferson, Christopher Walken and Jeff Bridges? theres a documentary on youtube on how the movie was made....to be a disaster, disastrous enough to put MGM out of business.