Comus Fantasy VII: The Revisiting

lucifer_sam · 06-10-2009, 10:28 PM

you might have to change your pants again.

i can't wait for the crossdressing scene.

WWWP · 06-10-2009, 11:41 PM

I can't even put into words how amazing this is.

Comus · 06-11-2009, 12:19 AM

Ah! The flashback, the horribly misunderstood cousin of proper plot development. Badly and overused, and as always this is no exception. We get a little glimpse into why Ethan hates everything.

It probably evolves around her not learning to say "father" properly.

Oh god, not this nancyboy again. I can handle pretty boys, and I can handle mammas boys. But not a combination of both. He doesn't have the madness of Kefka or the pure sex of Kuja, and his name doesn't even begin with a K. Worst.FinalFantasy.Villan.Ever. This includes Exdeath, the giant tree.

*click* and you're back in the room.

I moaned as I grabbed my genitals. The rest was pretty straight forward, zoom back to before the flashback, we just climbed down into the reactor, an exact duplicate of the other one. Yay money saved is money earned, amirite? And the bomb was set up very well. So we make our way back up, and start possibly the most infuriating minigame in the history of ever.

Yeah, with no actual indication of when they're going to do anything...

Comus · 06-11-2009, 12:25 AM

TEN MINUTES LATER

AAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Comus · 06-11-2009, 12:32 AM

Anyways, as time went by, and my insanity deepened, I figured out the timing, around two seconds, but not quite.

We make it out of the reactor, and everything thing seems well... Until.

No, they're red marshmallow men OF COURSE SHINRA SOLDIERS. Seriously, for the head of what is apparantly such an important terrorist organisation, you've really not studied much about defense tactics. Shinra are a massive organisation, they are the richest fuckers in the world. They rule the city, no, they are the city of midgard. There are 7 reactors left, they have the resources to turn each reactor into a trap. If you were shinra would you:

A) Trap one reactor
B) Trap all reactors
C) Do nothing

Yeah, unless you're an idiot, or Tore, you're going to do B.

I just explained it, douche. But I'll put it in simpler terms:

So yeah, we're trapped, but suddenly! Enter President shinra, now, in my opinion, would be the perfect time for Tore to use the gun. You know, the gun on his arm that has unlimited range in battle. What really happens is a long boring conversation.

Less shooting off your mouth and more shooting off your gun.

Comus · 06-11-2009, 12:40 AM

Continuing the baffling "let's all stand here armed to the teeth and chat nicely to our enemy" scenario.

Yeah, appropriate. The conversation turns to the topic at hand, blowing the reactor. Here's the fun part, try to imagine what he means by "fireworks".

Tore doesn't take kindly to Vermin.

MORE VERMIN

Vermin count: Shinra: 1
Tore: 4

All this time talking about Vermin could be time spent aiming and shooting. Failure.

Comus · 06-11-2009, 12:45 AM

Finally! Some action, I hope it's Jayde Nicole, she's got some epic tits.

Hey, you listen to low fi indie folk, you're the last one to be complaining about noise of any kind.

Wait, wait wait wait wait. It's not a playboy playmate but a

Okay. I'm officially pissed off right now. I'm about to start raging, this is the third time I've been promised some action in this game. And it's the third motherfucking time it's been denied. Where, oh where does my fantasy begin :(

Comus · 06-11-2009, 12:54 AM

Oh NOW you want help, but when I apply for mod it's all "well, we already have enough." or "I'm sorry we're too busy right now, can you call back later". I'll help you, sly bitch, but you owe me a shag now.

That one is also sexual...

That's what she said.

Yeah, Tore, I'm kinda in a tough spot here. You can jump further than this normally, so what the **** gives.

Comus · 06-11-2009, 12:58 AM

Nice to know you care, douche.

I won't die, here's six reasons why.

1. I'm Comus
2. Comus is the main character
3. Falls never kill RPG characters
4. We're not even out of the first city
5. We're not even on the second disc
6. There are three discs

But hey, let's at least pretend to care.

So when posed with a question as stupid as the one below.

The only proper course of action, of course, is to refer back to the six reasons why I won't die.

Comus · 06-11-2009, 01:36 AM

Just don't smell her flower, if you catch my drift.

What the hell do you have to be sorry about? For all you know you didn't pay attention to the last few posts and as such think I have a chance of dying. If I do die, you won't have to pay me the 2000 gil I was promised. That would be ideal for you, stingy bastards.

So yeah...

I couldn't have said it better myself. o wait.

What? That's it? You're just giving up? Nonononononono you're supposed to say "but we can't go on without you" or something to that effect. Christ tore, you're cold man.

06-10-2009, 10:28 PM	#21 (permalink)
lucifer_sam Unrepentant Ass-Mod Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 3,921	you might have to change your pants again. i can't wait for the crossdressing scene. __________________ first.am Last edited by lucifer_sam; 06-11-2009 at 12:15 AM.