The Relationship Thread

[Ninetales]

Originally Posted by elphenor

Damaged Goods

you have 13,000 posts on a music forum

[Marie Monday]

Oof.mp4

[Lucem Ferre]

I'm damaged goods until I can find the gold to put my pieces together.

Then I'll be a beautiful kintsugi man.

[OccultHawk]

Originally Posted by elphenor

I don't know if this is ****ty to say but if a woman says she's had abusive partners...Damaged Goods

very likely if you're kind to them they will not want that anyway

I swear on the music of John Coltrane and the Ramones that is not true.

You got this one super twisted bro

It might be true that a woman or any person that has been abused might make bad relationship choices as a consequence

But you have to find the kindness in you that’s so strong when you share your that love it will help the abuse victim transcend that mindset of self-hate and pain

People want tenderness and kindness and gentle forgiving healing love

I swear I’m not wrong

If there’s one thing ever I want you to trust me on it’s this

[Marie Monday]

^truth.

[OccultHawk]

It’s not dude. It’s win win.

I’m not just saying it because I want it to be true. It is true.

[OccultHawk]

You’re strong enough

[goldendoodle]

God some of you have such a black and white view on the matter. (I am looking at you elph.) Obviously it depends on the person. Don't write off an entire person because they have an abusive past. I have met countless people who are incredibly mature, self-aware, well-adjusted and empathetic who had horrific childhoods and/or an abusive ex-spouse or whatever. And plenty of people with idyllic childhoods who experienced no great misfortune/abuse yet are garbage, bitter, toxic people.
It depends on so many things. Obviously yes some young person in their early 20s with a string of abusive/vaguely-abusive exes may not yet have the self-awareness and emotional maturity (and therapy etc) needed to not keep falling into the same roles/dynamic and getting retraumatized and revictimized repeatedly, but that's partly to be expected because at that age you're still basically a baby.

Also!!! If one has actually BEEN in an abusive relationship, you'd know that the abusive person often seems totally charming and normal at first! They have to reel people in somehow, duh. They don't become unhinged right off the bat usually. And when you're young you aren't as good as listening to your intuition, especially if you have low self esteem already, which makes it even easier to be reeled in by those types despite alarms going off deep in your reptile brain.

[OccultHawk]

It's not just sentimental no, no, no
She has her grief and care, yeah, yeah, yeah
But the soft words they are spoke so gentle, yeah
It makes it easier, easier to bear, yeah
You won't regret it no, no
Young girls they don't forget it
Love is their whole happiness, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Marie Monday]

Originally Posted by goldendoodle

Also!!! If one has actually BEEN in an abusive relationship, you'd know that the abusive person often seems totally charming and normal at first! They have to reel people in somehow, duh. They don't become unhinged right off the bat usually. And when you're young you aren't as good as listening to your intuition, especially if you have low self esteem already, which makes it even easier to be reeled in by those types despite alarms going off deep in your reptile brain.

That's a good point, especially if people have psychopathic tendencies they'll often be incredibly charming at first. Sometimes to such an extent that there aren't even any red flags to make alarms go off.