The Sorting Hat Thread
 

It's dumb, but it might be fun:
Sort yourself/fellow forum members/whoever you like into Hogwarts Houses
Let's see if you guys are dorky enough to go along

(I'm definitely a Hufflepuff)

Viridian.

Is that some fantasy book reference? Don't outnerd me, you Ravenclaw

Nah. It just sounds like something vaguely fantastic. I don't really know the world of Harry Potter.

I have been sorted into Gryffindor 100% of the time

Slytherin

'Cause I'm a crawlin' king snaaaake

I usually get either Ravenclaw or Slytherin when I do the tests.

I always get Hufflepuff.

I'd be a Slytherin if I wasn't such a Hufflepuff.

Yeah you're def a Gryf, steph. No offense.

I’m a Hufflepuff with Racenclaw tendencies.

PS- All Puffs are socialists. Power to the people.

I think Puffs are just kinda "Eh, what's on TV?"

Why would I be offended when it's undoubtedly the best house

Filch

That old squib? What about him?

That's the house I got sorted into.

Can we talk wands and patroni pls

Remind us what Wanda are potentially made of? I feel like mine would be stubby and made of something weird and gnarly.

My patronus is probably a chimp or orangatan.

No, more like you're a Slyth bc you're a music snob

How dare you

What the **** am I? Where do I find out?

I'm member of a house so obscure that not even Harry Potter nerds know about it.

Let's be honest, hogwarts was run by bigots that played favorites and treated Slytherines like ****. Never trust a school that segregates students to reinforces social disparity through stereotypes and labels. If I went to that school I'd reject the identity they'd try to force on me. They don't even teach math. They're trying to keep wizards dumb.

How they gonna teach spells when they don't teach kids to read?!

Yeah, you're a Gryffindor

Seriously though, the Harry Potter books are not thought through well enough to survive an analysis like this

Just look at quidditch. The other team has to be ahead by, what, eleven points to be able to win if they don't catch the snitch?

Why would you even teach kids to do all sorts of powerful, potentially dangerous spells? I do not understand the Harry Potter universe.

Are they supposed to go and get jobs that involve spellcasting when they grow up?

How quick could an angry muggle mow down a school of wizards with an ak47?

He could also Snape them from the rooftops.

How come nobody has sex at hogwarts? It'd be easy.

I took a quiz that says I'm 54% Slytherin and 42% Gryffondor.

I'm making a new house that uses pink and purple as our colors and Lil B as our spirit animal.

I just threw up in my mouth.

Were you planning to upload another photo?

I can't. My phone camera splintered after I took the last photo.

Easily. There’s no “anti gun” spell. It would honestly be a breeze for Muggles to decimate the magical population.

Idk about other schools but Hogwarts is bewitched precisely because of those crazy muggles.

Yes, exactly that. Harry became an Auror, for example.

Expelliarmus, nerds

I thought Expelliarmus could only be used against other spells? My understanding of canon is that the wizarding world is secretive and closed off specifically because there are so few compared to the number of non-magical humans- and at one time, the Muggles had the upper hand, because there's strength in numbers.

Honestly, the whole series would take a major turn if Muggles ever again found out about the truth on a major scale. The wizards would be ****ed.

Expelliarmus is a general disarming charm. Magic can be used against muggles, it's just against wizarding law and their memories are wiped afterward.

There's no way the wizards wouldn't win another war though come on

Especially in a post-Voldemort world

I mean... muggles have nuclear bombs.

I'm willing to give the wizards a lot, but honestly I have a hard time seeing them win against modern armies and armaments. Or even just drone strikes. Or chemical weapons.

We all know that if Trump found out about wizards essentially running England using shadow organizations and that he would be waving nuclear missiles ASAP.