What the **** am I? Where do I find out?

I'm member of a house so obscure that not even Harry Potter nerds know about it.

Let's be honest, hogwarts was run by bigots that played favorites and treated Slytherines like ****. Never trust a school that segregates students to reinforces social disparity through stereotypes and labels. If I went to that school I'd reject the identity they'd try to force on me. They don't even teach math. They're trying to keep wizards dumb.

How they gonna teach spells when they don't teach kids to read?!

Yeah, you're a Gryffindor

Seriously though, the Harry Potter books are not thought through well enough to survive an analysis like this

Just look at quidditch. The other team has to be ahead by, what, eleven points to be able to win if they don't catch the snitch?

Why would you even teach kids to do all sorts of powerful, potentially dangerous spells? I do not understand the Harry Potter universe.

Are they supposed to go and get jobs that involve spellcasting when they grow up?

How quick could an angry muggle mow down a school of wizards with an ak47?

He could also Snape them from the rooftops.

How come nobody has sex at hogwarts? It'd be easy.