DwnWthVwls

The most intimate relationship I've had is with my current best friend. Unfortunately, she's married with kids. It's the kind of thing where we just clicked immediately, and under different circumstances we'd probably be together, but I have to respect that she wants to do the right thing for her family. After we decided to end things physically it's been pretty hard, we both have to keep ourselves in check, and there have been a few very emotional slip ups, but I'd rather have it this way than not have her in my life at all. It's honestly probably best for both of us to just distance ourselves, but we aren't there yet. And if anyone is thinking it's just a fling, it's been a 3 year emotional rollercoaster. I normally have no problems being friends with women, even ones I'm attracted to, this time it's just different.

In the meantime, I'm hoping to meet someone that makes me even half as happy as she does, but online dating is a real bitch.

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I don't got a god complex, you got a simple god...

The Batlord

I remember this starting. Was supposed to be fun and fancy free?

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Tristan_Geoff

The story gets better, I'll post the rest in a few minutes

also

Tevin Cofield Mugshot | 07/28/14 North Carolina Arrest

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DwnWthVwls

Yeh, it was supposed to be, but feelings and ish. I don't think either of us expected it to turn out this way. It's a work in progress, what can I say. lol

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I don't got a god complex, you got a simple god...

Chula Vista

Ya never know when the lights are going to go out. Enjoy whatever is in front of you, as best as you can, while you can.

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“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well,
on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away
and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

The Batlord

Don't listen to him, he's an idiot.

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Chula Vista

yesistrue.

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“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well,
on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away
and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

Tristan_Geoff

In leaving, we both agreed to not tell and give credit to Nathan for how happy we turned out that day. I went over to his house a few days later in order for her to drive us both into Raleigh for graduation practice, and as I discovered, neither of us had kept our promise. The doorbell rang and outside the door I saw her shape. This person, she was my girlfriend. She was closer to me even early on than anyone else in my life had been. I thought many things until I reached the door to greet her with another embrace and a kiss. I couldn't believe that I was at this moment of my life. Our second date, and we agreed to switch each other planning them, she arranged to be a surprise picnic. We cuddled and kissed the whole afternoon, having no plans bar each other. But then, I realized I wanted to tell her something and found it escaping my lips: I loved her. She happily returned this sentiment. For the next few days, we discussed on how quickly we found how compatible, comfortable, and caring we both were, and how we both realized we had fallen for each other. This early love grew and grew, until one day she wanted me to come to her house without a parent. I clarified that I was not wanting to advance that fast and have sex, but she told me that she didn't want that either. I hinted to her my situation, and then we both discovered that we felt asexuality described us well. It seems crazy, and for sure I was acting on impulse, but crying and feeling so much emotion, I expressed to her one night over text just how deeply I cared about her, and told her I thought she could be the "one". Both of us crying, we felt the same way. We had both found people who cared and loved the same amount about each other. This lasted a long time, us planning on marriage and at one point looking into getting promise rings for each other. I remember PMing Mordwyr asking for advice due to his level of commitment to his own love, and he expressed happiness for me and good advice as to what to think about my situation. At the end of June, we both went on vacations, in which we had a final date where we went to her neighborhood pool and then to my house to eat the dinner my parents prepared and invited her to. We had an intense goodbye, standing by her car, sobbing and telling each other how much we’d miss each other for that week and a half and what we’d do once we were back in each other’s arms. I went on a trip to Philadelphia and then New York, where after two days we boarded on cruise on the way to Saint Johns and Halifax in Nova Scotia. During the cruise I was unable to contact her, but before we were able to say further goodbyes. The cruise was immensely fun, and seeing Riley’s homeland was neat, but I did miss her intensely, and waited patiently for a time when we could yet again hold hands and whisper sweet nothings yada yada yada

Anyways so we both got back, we went to see Modest Mouse and Brand New, and she eventually got me a job at the grocery store she worked at, since so many other places weren’t following through with anything I sent out to them. Later, I convinced my parents with a lot of talk into going to the beach with her dad’s family. This was a few weeks until her semester started so it would be the last chance for us to be close before we were 2 hours apart for the rest of our relationship. During this time, I was finally able to sleep next to my future wife and felt immensely happy. Once she left for school though, is when I started feeling immensely insecure. I couldn’t imagine life without her, and she couldn’t with me. We meant the world to each other, and initially it was very hard to date long distance. My insecurities shaped into baseless accusations and freak outs. I would claim that sometimes I felt like I didn’t know if she loved me or not, or that I wished I could spend more time with her while she was home. In October, it got so bad that one thing I said rendered her to think the relationship was going sour, and she said precious little to me (nothing on one particular day) for about a week, only getting back up to speed when I talked to my mom and came to the conclusion that maybe the hard and fast love that comes with promising for marriage wasn’t doing us any favors along with the distance. From now on, we’d be more comfortable with each other, we thought. I would try to contain my insecurities as best I could, and I would try to understand her better. Meanwhile, the anxieties I knew she was suffering from and my insecurities just damaged her greatly. She claims that she suffered panic attacks because of certain things I said to her, and she wanted me to understand her like I needed to. It’s hard to say how I felt during these last few months, because they went everywhere emotionally, but I knew I loved her and I knew she loved me. But it was clear that the relationship was strained. She would come home every other week, I’d come over, buy her and her mom food from the mexican place next to my work, and we’d cuddle and watch movies. This was the tradition since she’d moved away. But from about November to December, the school work became too much for both of us, and once during her Thanksgiving break was the last time I saw her while we were dating. We spoke less and less as I was giving her more space to complete the schoolwork and prepare for exams. This lack of communication and understanding each other’s side during this time and throughout the long distance portion of the relationship proved to be too much, and it broke the week in December in which she finally came home for winter break. She was tired from school and had a hectic schedule, though I was anxious to see her and was looking forward to this month being like Summer was again, blissfully seeing each other often and feeling intensely in love. But the Monday she came home, she was too tired, and cancelled our hanging out in favor of sleep. We rescheduled to Thursday, it was fine. I would see her plenty after her hectic holiday season anyways and we’d be fine again. But in the back of my mind I knew it was far from fine between us. I claimed we were best friends, but what had our relationship become at this point? The flame had long gone, our chemistry was lost between the 1s and 0s of our text messages. She texted me Wednesday night after a long silence, in which I believed she was at a movie with a friend. She apparently had a dentist appointment scheduled that day, and in the confusion forgot on the calendar. Thursday was cancelled. I expressed that I missed her and was saddened. But this was the last straw to her, I guess. The time she made for me was never enough, she said. She clearly couldn’t give me what I needed, she said. She felt smothered by me, and during this newfound adulthood independence, the last thing she needed was someone so rooted to her. We went on break, with promise that we’d still hang out a bit, have Christmas, and be close friends. This was just after our 6 month mark starting in December. On the first time we hung out, I sobbed and told her we needed to talk at some point. I wanted closure. I wanted to get back together, and I missed us. But I think it was obvious even to myself that our relationship wasn’t what it was before. I wanted it to get back to where we were, and December was going to fix that, but it ended up not happening. Through the next few months we did talk and try to remain friends, but what I was doing was straining us further. I didn’t respect the space she wanted, and with time we’ve just lost contact. She ignores texts, even like during the Christmas we had I asked if she needed more time getting ready before I left, and I had to call for her to finally answer. It took me until mid February until I was finally over her, but I won’t look on the relationship like it didn’t happen. We were in love, and she’s given me some of the best memories I’ve ever had. I’ve never had a friend so close, or felt so understood. She gave me back my confidence in myself, and I can never thank her enough. Because of her, I don’t feel ugly, unwanted, or undesirable. Even though we aren’t friends right now, I feel like time heals all wounds. I don’t know our future together, and I don’t want to date her anytime soon, but I respect the hell out of her and her independence. She made me into a better person and I certainly changed her.

Oh and this next part goes in the timeline right about after I got back from Canada, but before I left there was a big fight with Neil and our recently new member, Rio, who’s been a friend of mine since about 10th grade and also a huge punk fan. So she had this racist prick of a boyfriend (I can delve more on him later, he was certainly a character) who ended up cheating on her and breaking up with her because of her “problems”, like normal anxiety and insecurities that he was too much of an ******* to confront and help her with. So me and Neil, being friends with the guy, knew this from back when I was in high school, while poor Rio was distraught with reasons why he broke up with her and why he treated her the way he did. Well I mistakenly believed one thing (I still am not sure what exactly happened) while Ethan knew the truth, and one practice (still before cruise) I was driving her to work, and the conversation with Neil ended up turning towards Ethan. I, being the emotional guy I am, felt awful for her, she was clearly distressed and feeling like a piece of ****, just like I was a couple months back, and Neil wasn’t helping at all by being loyal to Ethan and not really caring how Rio felt like. So I drove her to work, and her condition got progressively worse, as she almost got on the verge of tears. Slowly, I began hinting on what had happened before. Ethan had cheated on her with her best friend. Once she realized, she didn’t feel bad, it didn’t ruin her life, and she didn’t hate her. Now she knew. But Neil, being still in on the conversation through both of us texting, and him ranting to me through my own phone about how big a piece of **** I was. I dropped Rio off at work and prepared for the fireworks from Neil. I needed to respect Ethan, he said. Rio’s feelings didn’t matter and she didn’t need closure. Her best friend ended up not having cheated on her, but at this point Neil had shown his true colors as a misogynist piece of **** that cared more about keeping contacts and the bro code and not his friends feelings (she’s in a good healthy relationship right now by the way, I’m really proud and happy for her). Anyways so after the vacation, these feelings still stood between us. Then one night he gave me a call. There was a lot of money at stake and he wanted me to find a way to pick him up and drive him to what I assume was a deal for a hard drug, definitely more risky than the pot, adderall, and xanax he would regularly sell. Condescendingly, he told me how this would lead me towards me own freedom and independence. I needed to do this to become a proper adult. I certainly didn’t want to say no, I hate upsetting people and I considered him somewhat of a friend. But fumbling around his requests and manipulating, I told him I couldn’t. He claimed I was a pussy for not just getting out of what I was doing with my parents that day and forming lie after lie as to what I would say to them I was doing. But I stayed strong. I told him I would not. He said some very hurtful stuff afterwards, and I hung up on him. A week later, he texts me asking the next time we’re gonna practice. I tell him, you’re just gonna forget about what happened? I tell him that I don’t need him to hold my hand, and to look at the life I’ve created for myself without his miraculous “guidance”. I have a girlfriend. I didn’t need his crack help. I have a job, I have friends, and I don’t need him treating me like **** and bringing negativity into my life. He claims I’m a pussy and to call him to really talk it out. I told him I’ve already said what I need to. And never talked to him again. That was in July, and it’s still true almost a year later. Without Olivia though? Who knows? Maybe I wouldn’t have stood up to him, maybe I wouldn’t feel that surge of confidence I did and want to cut off one of the only friends I thought I had. But, I had her, and I had her at the right time.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you guys about that whole friend problem I had from the time we broke up until recent but I’ll explain if anyone wants to know.




Neils mugshots: Tevin Cofield Mugshot | 07/28/14 North Carolina Arrest

tl;dr: My friend/bandmate made me feel like **** in high school, met girl, fell in love, stood up to *******, dated her long distance, grew apart from distance and insecurities, took a break in december, grew more apart because I felt friendless and still wanted to be close, haven't talked and relationship currently is uncertain but I don't regret anything and I have a fresh aspect on life and have confidence and appreciation for myself like never before, all thanks to what she did for me

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DwnWthVwls

It's good that you learned something from the experience.. People grow apart, that's life, but I always try to remember all the amazing things I learn from each person that has made a difference from my life, and I'll always appreciate them. It's okay to miss them, just don't let it bring you down.

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I don't got a god complex, you got a simple god...

Tristan_Geoff

Thanks man I'm gonna go read your post now because I focused too much energy on writing mine.

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