Fetishes, sexual repression, polyamory vs monogamy etc. discussion

Chiomara · 02-08-2017, 05:09 PM

Oh lord, yes, the drama. I've encountered it a number of times without meaning to. Most of them seemed to be pretty young, so maybe that's partly the reason for it. (That was another problem I had with fetlife. Seemed to be mostly people under 26.)

But tumblr (I'm referring to the good parts of tumblr, not the insufferable teenage fandom parts) is positively filled to the brim with heathens, so that's nice.

Tristan_Geoff · 02-14-2017, 01:59 PM

Was meaning to get around to responding to this sooner or later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiomara

Glad you shared this. I think more people ought to know about it. (since there seems to be this assumption that all asexual people are like frigid nuns utterly devoid of desire or attraction) I'm not asexual but my best friend was, and she suffered a lot due to it.

Definitely. It makes things easier when knowledge of it's more widespread and people know just how cut and paste it ISN'T. On the plus side though, I LOVE how I'm in this position, and I don't have to deal with sexual drama, blue balls, or sexual dissatisfaction with partners. It's hard to get people to understand at first at times but I think my experience with it has been easier than others. I'm pretty grateful for that.

Quote:

Well, I for one think pedophilia is quite different from garden-variety fetishes-- though I can see how one could view sexual depravity as a sort of wide spectrum. (But each case and each person should be evaluated individually, for obvious reasons--there are so many intricacies to these sort of things.)

Though if I'm recalling correctly, it was found that pedophiles have actual brain abnormalities
And I'd say most fetishes (and kinks) are harmless-- like the people who are aroused by balloon popping, or feet or inanimate objects. I'm not sure yet if any studies have been done on those folks but I'd guess it's only a matter of time.

Correct yeah, I don't have a problem with fetishes or kinks if they pose no threat or make people uncomfortable. All these foot fetishists trying to steal/ask for people's shoes for sexual reasons though? Disgusting. If it's consenting smelling it's fine (lmao).

Quote:

Humans are incredibly absurd and complex creatures; I don't really think the development of a fetish (the harmless ones, that is) is much unhealthier than the development of any other mental fixation or habit. Obviously it depends on the degree of the obsession and whether it inhibits their daily functioning or impacts how they treat/view others etc. etc.
Anyway, back to the pedophilia thing-- here's some studies I pulled up just now, here and here.

But A N Y W A Y ... Fetishes. I've dated a foot fetishist and a guy who I suspected had a tickling fetish. Aside from those things, these men were utterly normal, rational, well-adjusted people. There's also a loooooot of people nowadays who are into BDSM (which many would consider a fetish) and I've dabbled in it myself, despite not having any need for it.

Ha, I knew a gay guy who was super into BDSM. If that's what you're into I guess. I remember he made me do an innocence test once that I got a near perfect score on.

Quote:

I agree. (Well, minus the female empowerment thing. I just don't think strippers should be maligned. That entire industry is extremely complex, especially considering how it's tied into poverty and so on.)

Due to my morbid curiosity I've extensively researched the whole camgirl thing and it's actually quite a bit more work than people assume. Physically, I mean. They make most of their money through private shows (not free chat where they get occasional tips) which can involve any number of things. The ones who make hundreds of thousands off of it also have to constantly market themselves and churn out content and videos daily.

Yes, it's ridiculous the amount of work that goes into some of it, and the opportunity for exploitation is always ever-present. Some of these people do seem like they were certainly well off beforehand so I didn't know about the whole poverty thing.

Quote:

Yes but you know, weirdly I feel like this is in a way of symptom in it? We're awash in sexual imagery but at the same time, sex education is SO dismal in many areas, and many, many people are still extremely Victorian when it comes to discussing sex frankly-- similar to how people tip-toe around the subject of death-- and so I think we're more desensitized (rather than liberated necessarily) than anything, if that makes any sense. I think there's a lot of collective anxiety and insecurity around sex (which is worsened by porn) that manifests in all sorts of ways.

It's ridiculous that. My sexual education was very, very sparse, and yet we grow up in a world full of it. Sexuality in America is definitely a confusing and counterintuitive subject.

Quote:

Very true. Rape especially... I believe 1 out of 4 women have experienced rape or sexual abuse? Something like that. Virtually every single woman I have known has either been raped, molested, stalked or sexually assaulted at some point. And it's heartbreaking how many male victims of sexual abuse don't feel they can speak out about it. Though I can't blame them. There's a disgusting tendency to gaslight victims while defending the abuser.

I have three friends who were either raped or sexually abused, two of them being male. I have strong feelings on rape for that reason and I feel it's worse than murder, as the people have to live with so many feelings for life because of what they've endured. And being myself, I just want to be able to help them, but it's never possible. Nothing you can ever say or do will take it back for them, or heal them in one fell swoop. I feel helpless talking about it with them and I could never imagine what it must feel like for them.

Quote:

Yes, the whole power imbalance... A 19 year old and a 39 year old are at wildly different life stages. (not to mention a 20 year old's brain is still developing) I'm always extremely uneasy when I see a teenager-- a baby, practically-- dating some 26-year-old dude that is clearly grooming them. I've met so many young women who are practically addicted to the validation of certain types of men, and it's saddening.

I think there can be exceptions, though (so long as the younger one is over the age of 22 at the very least). I've dated someone that was 20+ years older than me, and there were no problems whatsoever. And older men are usually much better in bed, just saying.

I... wouldn't particularly care to find out.

~~Cuthbert~~ · 02-14-2017, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tristan Geoff

Correct yeah, I don't have a problem with fetishes or kinks if they pose no threat or make people uncomfortable. All these foot fetishists trying to steal/ask for people's shoes for sexual reasons though? Disgusting. If it's consenting smelling it's fine (lmao).

People like this annoy me. They are making the rest of us look bad.

Ol’ Qwerty Bastard · 02-14-2017, 02:15 PM

one of my best friends has an uncle who always casually offers women foot rubs. it's so ****ing weird to me because apparently they usually say yes.

Chiomara · 02-14-2017, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tristan Geoff

Ha, I knew a gay guy who was super into BDSM. If that's what you're into I guess. I remember he made me do an innocence test once that I got a near perfect score on.

I must know-- what is this innocence test? Is there a point system? I want to take the innocence test!

The Batlord · 02-14-2017, 02:41 PM

Pretty sure I'd flunk that test. Or pass it with flying colors depending on what constitutes passing.

Chula Vista · 02-14-2017, 03:11 PM

Between consensual adults = OK. Other than that? Go seek out professional help NOW!

So how graphic are we allowed to go here?

Chiomara · 02-14-2017, 03:13 PM

elphenor: Yes, you would think!

People ought to be more direct-- if you want a Eyes Wide Shut-esque BDSM orgy (for example), then schedule a proper orgy and follow through like a reasonable person! But based on what I've heard, those meetings and even the "play parties" are often awkward and disappointing. Probably doubly so if you've never met the people and you aren't attracted to them.

(edit: I'll expound more later on certain topics that have been mentioned (foot guys, for instance); I have boring real-life things to attend to at the moment.)

~~Cuthbert~~ · 02-14-2017, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chula Vista

Between consensual adults = OK. Other than that? Go seek out professional help NOW!

So how graphic are we allowed to go here?

Not very.

Please.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chiomara

(edit: I'll expound more later on certain topics that have been mentioned (foot guys, for instance); I have boring real-life things to attend to at the moment.)

Can't wait.

The Batlord · 02-14-2017, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by elphenor

Yeah it's funny how ordinary looking people don't want to **** other ordinary looking people

I'm sure it's not what's in their fantasies

**** ordinary people. Not literally of course.

02-14-2017, 03:11 PM	#47 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Between consensual adults = OK. Other than that? Go seek out professional help NOW! So how graphic are we allowed to go here? __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

02-08-2017, 05:09 PM	#41 (permalink)
Chiomara mayor of spookytown Join Date: Jan 2017 Posts: 812	Oh lord, yes, the drama. I've encountered it a number of times without meaning to. Most of them seemed to be pretty young, so maybe that's partly the reason for it. (That was another problem I had with fetlife. Seemed to be mostly people under 26.) But tumblr (I'm referring to the good parts of tumblr, not the insufferable teenage fandom parts) is positively filled to the brim with heathens, so that's nice.

02-14-2017, 03:13 PM	#48 (permalink)
Chiomara mayor of spookytown Join Date: Jan 2017 Posts: 812	elphenor: Yes, you would think! People ought to be more direct-- if you want a Eyes Wide Shut-esque BDSM orgy (for example), then schedule a proper orgy and follow through like a reasonable person! But based on what I've heard, those meetings and even the "play parties" are often awkward and disappointing. Probably doubly so if you've never met the people and you aren't attracted to them. (edit: I'll expound more later on certain topics that have been mentioned (foot guys, for instance); I have boring real-life things to attend to at the moment.)