My best friend's uncle just got a pet chimpanzee. That's not gonna end well.

I sincerely hope his face gets eaten.

Well I'll be an uncle's monkey.

Christamighty

Chimps will literally rip your balls off

I have exactly the same thing. I think in my case it's just autistic tendencies
And of course the self-isolating because of the anxiety of leaving the house is also very familiar. It sucks

And you call me autistic? At least I can make eye contact ...

It extra sucks cause tbh as much as self-isolating turns me into a lonely nutjob who loses touch with how actual humans think I don't really get that much fulfillment out of all this social interaction I'm getting so I feel like I'm just sort of breaking even as far as mental health goes.

Yay I can call you autistic now!!!!

I was thinking of an incident a few years ago where a woman had her face torn off after the chimp killed her best friend (the owner).

She was on Oprah. Another dude lost his testicles in showdown with a chimp in whatever you call those fancy zoos. The chimp pulled his pants down, gripped his scrotum, and yanked it off complete with contents. I can’t say for sure what he was thinking but that’s a tough situation for even the most optimistic fellow to find a silver lining in.