Alaska

Yes, so that makes it a paradox: feeling very unfree in some way leads to much freedom in another way. And with a bit of luck, exploring that freedom will provide a way out too

I mean if you can forget the feeling of overwhelming, panic-inducing claustrophobia that is kind of the hallmark of feeling like you have no way out. It's like saying that a hundred thousand dollars of debt when you have a minimum wage job gives you freedom because you have nothing to lose. I mean you still have to work your way out of debt while being the kind of person who has a minimum wage job as if you aren't in fact the kind of person who has a minimum wage job.

I realise that it all sounds naive and optimistic when you think about that. Still, it's worth trying

Honestly when I see rising suicide rates and rising mass shootings (that are essentially hardcore suicides) I kinda think it's the human race realizing the nihilism of existence and responding accordingly in a sort of Lovecraftian loss of sanity in the face cosmic horror. When I see the majority of the human race around me who don't understand suicide they don't seem to be on a higher level of understanding than their suicidal peers, they just seem to be more cow-like and willing to accept the generic platitudes meant to keep them compliant and productive. And the smarter people just seem to be eating up the atheist platitudes that living in a world with no meaning just means that you have to make everything out of the time that you have, as if it's not just another desperate platitude. I'm really beginning to think that mass suicide by "**** it, launch the nukes" mentality will be the end result of human psychology.

I mean life's only purpose is to perpetuate life and yet it's reached a level where life sometimes just negates itself. WTF even is that?

Wrong. Most people have a self-preservation instinct that convinces them to demonize any thought process that doesn't conform. Sort of like demonic possession. We should kill the "survivors" to save our fellow man.

*hits elph with stick/brain*

I'm sure it'd help to escape an environment I hate but I'd rather not be alone in a new environment. I can't leave my bipolar disorder and trauma in Utah, that'll come with me and that's mostly my problem.

I'm just uncomfortable about it today. I guess the response just feels undeserved when I know I'm far from the only person here dealing with these same exact thoughts. Especially putting, what feels like, an unnecessary worry in people's hearts over something they have very little control over. I know I'd personally be devastated over a lot of people here if they died and now I put it out there that "Hey, if I stop showing up there's a high possibility that it was a suicide." Which, in it's self, is a triggering and depressing thought for people already dealing with it. I don't know, I guess I feel selfish.

Shut up, you stupid gay bitch. No matter how many people feel their own misery, or how many people feel for your misery, you are literally the only person on earth who actually feels your own misery. You have every right to decide you want out and anyone who feels differently clearly is thinking more about their own feelings than the feelings of someone who was so miserable they'd rather not ****ing exist.

You could go somewhere where access to meds isnt so hard.

And have I ever read Plath, LOL
Next you're going to tell me George Elliot is a woman