The Batlord

No the actual Bible. I opened it to a random page and read part of the Book of Judges. The Jews committed genocide on a bunch of Canaanites but didn't kill all the Canaanites and God got mad that they didn't kill them all. How do modern people even read the Bible?

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OccultHawk

I read the version Jehovah Witnesses use. I remember thinking damn hating Jews ain’t nothing new. God is always pulling a Hitler.

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The Batlord

I was just reading the King James version that was just lying around the store cause some random person handed it to an employee who didn't care. But yeah all the Jews have to do is not murder a set amount of people or stamp out a religion and they get cast aside and it feels like an older generation did some good stuff for god but the younger generation didn't appreciate it and became douchebags and the whole lesson is young people don't appreciate what they've been given accept it's in the Bible so of course it's apocalyptic but it's in the Old Testament so of course it's Tolkien before he made that **** entertaining so it's godawful tedious. The joke is always that the Bible is very entertaining if you like fantasy but it's really not. If you like fantasy go read anything but the Bible.

The Bible sucks.

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Trollheart

God (pun intended) the Bible is boring. Can you imagine the reviews if it were published anonymously for the first time now?

Too many characters! I don't want to spend ten pages reading about who begat who!

Character development unrealistic. One moment the MC (main character, for you non-writers ie God) is powerful and vengeful, smiting left right and centre, next he's a pussy sitting on a cloud and sending his own son to his death for no good reason.

Anti-Semetic trash!

Not enough romance


Jesus may be able to raise Lazarus from the dead but he ain't going to raise my interest in this rubbish

and so on.

I even read, partly, a novellisation of the Bible.
Spoiler: it was just as boring.

Who ever called it "the Good Book?"

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Plankton

I used to get weed from a KFC drive thru. lol

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Chula Vista

Well, what'd ya expect with all the misogyny.

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on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away
and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

WWWP

Song of Songs is romantic af

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Frownland

And who could forget the romance of the story that Lot used to cover up the fact that he raped his daughters.

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Anteater

At least they didn't transform into pillars of salt after Sodom got cornholed by fiery armageddon.

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WWWP

psh as if they didn't want to become impregnated with daddys babies

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