|
Register | Blogging | Today's Posts | Search |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
11-10-2018, 08:48 PM | #57441 (permalink) | |
Cuter Than Post Malone.
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 4,978
|
I'd be willing to accept that as an answer if I were happy as is. I'm not though. I'm not going to convince myself to embrace it and be okay with it when I'm not. I know you don't just wake up one day a changed person. It takes time and effort to change. You have to break yourself out of the cycle that you don't want to be in. I don't want to be here. I don't want to quit trying to change based on the defeated attitude that I can never change. I just don't know how to pull myself out.
I made one small change that drastically helped during the past few weeks even when I see myself sinking back into the same insecurity and self loathing that consumed me at the beginning of October. Rather than sitting around staring at my phone or pointlessly scrolling through MB in a mad anxiety ridden fever I'd force myself to listen to music. I've listened to a **** ton of new music and I've enjoyed it. That whole Death catalog only took me, like what? Two days? Cleaned up my room, bathroom, etc. Went to the grocery store and actually ate meals rather than gorging myself on junk food at night. It's been a better time than usual. I wasn't constantly dwelling on everything that bothers me. I'd like to keep moving in that direction rather than convince myself I'm complacent as is. Edit: I know that I can't ever escape depression. I'm bipolar, I have PTSD it's encoded into my DNA, hard wired into my brain. It's inevitable. I just don't want to dwell in it or let it consume me over and over again especially over this idea that that's just who I am.
__________________
Quote:
Art Is Dead. Buy My ****. Last edited by Lucem Ferre; 11-10-2018 at 09:00 PM. |
|
11-10-2018, 08:54 PM | #57442 (permalink) | |
.
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 4,007
|
Quote:
She appears to be playing a LOT of Caetano Veloso tonight. No sign of flamenco yet. Last edited by rostasi; 11-10-2018 at 09:02 PM. |
|
11-10-2018, 09:09 PM | #57443 (permalink) | ||
Zum Henker Defätist!!
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Beating GNR at DDR and keying Axl's new car
Posts: 48,199
|
Quote:
__________________
Quote:
|
||
11-10-2018, 09:31 PM | #57444 (permalink) | |
Cuter Than Post Malone.
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 4,978
|
I've spent more than enough time doing that. Never helped me not a none bit.
Could also be that me and you are experiencing two different things. Or maybe you're just trying to comfort yourself in giving up because it's easier. Regardless, I hope this one small change brings you something better.
__________________
Quote:
Art Is Dead. Buy My ****. |
|
11-10-2018, 09:34 PM | #57445 (permalink) | |
Zum Henker Defätist!!
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Beating GNR at DDR and keying Axl's new car
Posts: 48,199
|
TBH I think it's simply that neither of us has any idea of how to live our lives so all the smart sounding logic isn't going to help. I think I'm right but the specifics are far too blurry to make sense of.
__________________
Quote:
|
|
11-10-2018, 09:36 PM | #57446 (permalink) | ||
Cuter Than Post Malone.
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 4,978
|
Quote:
Edit: We aren't sure enough to know how to live our own lives, let alone each other's.
__________________
Quote:
Art Is Dead. Buy My ****. |
||
11-10-2018, 10:08 PM | #57447 (permalink) | |
Zum Henker Defätist!!
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Beating GNR at DDR and keying Axl's new car
Posts: 48,199
|
Yeah, but from what I hear from you I think you're parroting what you think sounds logical and hoping beyond hope that some person who read about the DSM in a book is going to have answers for you. Medication can be helpful, and saying how you feel out loud can be cathartic and even give you perspective, but in the grand scheme of things it means dick. You are who you are and you will always be that. But you can still channel that into something that is meaningful and helpful. However I don't think you'll be able to do that by trying to emulate societal cliches about "taking responsibility for yourself". If it were that easy everyone would do it.
__________________
Quote:
|
|
11-11-2018, 04:10 AM | #57449 (permalink) | |
Zum Henker Defätist!!
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Beating GNR at DDR and keying Axl's new car
Posts: 48,199
|
She got her period?
__________________
Quote:
|
|
11-11-2018, 05:07 AM | #57450 (permalink) |
one-balled nipple jockey
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dirty Souf Biatch
Posts: 22,006
|
__________________
2016 2017 2018 2019 2020 Member of the Year & Journal of the Year Champion Behold the Writing of THE LEGEND: https://www.musicbanter.com/members-...p-lighter.html |