My mother just told me that she had to get a new router and emailed me the new router number so I could get on the internet. Thanks, mom.

I had a customer call and ask if we ship animals and I told him we don't.

His reasoning for asking is that he saw a guy open a box in the mail and it had a snake in it.

Some people.

If you hadn’t come up with sorry kindergarten chord progression yourself you wouldn’t walk across the street to piss on it if it were on fire.

criticism does not compute

you’re little song sucks - that’s what

He means that if you were capable of self-reflection you'd realize you wrote a terrible song.

Does he really need to?

I'll take OH's word for it.

You’ve saved yourself 60 seconds. Look at my laughing bear instead.

Please never stop using that GIF