Number of people I know who have died in a fire: 0

Number of people I know who dismantled their smoke detector after the first time it went off for no reason: ? but like pretty much everyone

#wiresdanglingwheresmokedetectorwas
#neverhadafireandneverwill

I wonder who were the chumps who invested early in carbon monoxide detectors. I can't even be sure I've actually seen one.

Apparently, not the parents of "Weird Al" Yankovic.

I died in a fire once.

Holy crap. TIL!

I've set myself on fire several times

I used to do jackass shit back in high school too.

PRO TIP: Rubber cement is flammable as fuck.

Last time's the charm.

Richard Pryor Syndrome

Best of La Jolla - La Jolla Light

#proudpappa