Your Day

Ol’ Qwerty Bastard · 05-01-2018, 09:10 PM

i tend to just have 10-15 mins a day, usually some time shortly before i go to bed where i ponder mortality until i feel sick to my stomach and then i’m good to go.

not exaggerating when i say it’s a daily occurrence, has been since i had a really bad period of time last year, but it seems to take up less and less of my time now so that’s good i guess. i don’t expect to ever, like, not be terrified of death. but the less amount of time freaking out over it the better.

~~MicShazam~~ · 05-02-2018, 08:19 AM

Just found out on Facebbook of all places that the brother of my sister's husband just died. I have no idea how yet. He was a super funny, cheerful and mellow guy. Really, really ****ty news.

SmokeAndMirrors · 05-02-2018, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MicShazam

Just found out on Facebbook of all places that the brother of my sister's husband just died. I have no idea how yet. He was a super funny, cheerful and mellow guy. Really, really ****ty news.

That's rough. I'm sorry for your loss. :-(. They should've called you for that.

Lucem Ferre · 05-02-2018, 08:48 AM

4th session. It was mostly about my views on accountability. How so many people lack accountability because they aren't brave enough to admit their imperfections. The whole reason I decided to get counseling was me taking accountability for my actions. She's said she's happy to see that because I'm in a position where I could easily blame people. I said I don't like blaming because it becomes a road block and strips you of your power. When you actually take accountability it gives you your power, and while you have to admit your flaws, it gives you the power to fix it and overcome. My breakdown was caused by a combination of PTSD, manic depression and bipolar disorder. And I could easily blame that and make that an excuse for my behavior. But nothing will ever change if I do that. I've had these emotional problems my whole life so I know better. I know that even though I can't help how I feel or help having these emotions I have the power to choose how to deal with it, I choose how I react. Like, a close friend of mine was home schooled and lacks a high school education. He constantly talks about how his mom robbed him of an education. He will never admit how much power he had, and has right now, to give himself that education that he's really robbing himself of. I've been in that same situation, I hardly attended high school, I did a year before my parents told me to get a job. So I could easily make that excuse and blame them for robbing me of an education and I did that for a long ass time. But I finally took accountability and gave myself the power to not only get myself a GED but to also attend a year of college. I was in the same exact situation as him and I put myself into college while he put the accountability on his mom and accomplished nothing. And that's why I brought it up because one thing that's bothering me is the denial of accountability. That's what my dad used to do when he'd get mad at us and punish for no reason or hit us or beat the dog, it was his job, they were stressing him out, it's their fault he acted that way. It's okay to admit you're imperfect, we all are, but when you deny it and blame others for it you will become trapped behind the bars of your own cowardice, doomed to keep yourself down. My therapist says that the only problem is that while I don't hold others accountable for my actions, it seems as though I blame myself too much. So while it's great that I hold myself accountable I have to be careful not to put too much blame on myself because it facilitates self loathing.

**Exo** · 05-02-2018, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grindy

So... is there anyone here on MB who's not suffering from depression?

I've been pretty solid over the last two years but I have my moments. Usually it's not an urge to kill myself but rather an overwhelming yearning to not exist anymore. Like I wish I could just sign a waiver and blink myself out of existence. Killing myself is too dirty and like Steph said, very easy to f*ck up and end up making things worse. Plus, I hate myself way too much to kill myself. F*cking pussy. Killing yourself? What a loser. Take that Exo.

Best thing that works for me is to realize that life is bull****. We're all going to not exist at some point. Somebody might even do the deed for me and make it easier. Best to stick around and enjoy some cool **** before that happens.

Oh, and meds help too. Meds from a good doctor that is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

Fluoxetine, my dog, and cannabis keeps me going.

Yay Steph! We don't deserve dogs. Humans that is. You and me deserve our dogs however. We special.

~~MicShazam~~ · 05-02-2018, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grindy

So... is there anyone here on MB who's not suffering from depression?

I lose sight of what's worthwhile about life now and then, but I don't think I've ever been seriously depressed on a dangerous level.

At worst, I'll spend a day lying on the couch, staring up into the ceiling and sleeping a lot. I've never been contemplating suicide for real, even if I've been considering the pros and cons many times - but from what I deem to have been safe, emotionally controlled distance.

These days I'm doing quite good. I've had a whole year without anything I'd call a real depression. I've learned to not think about things so much and I think that helps me a lot. I just think about music, movies, things out there in the world. Anything but myself and my own situation.

Trollheart · 05-02-2018, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MicShazam

Just found out on Facebbook of all places that the brother of my sister's husband just died. I have no idea how yet. He was a super funny, cheerful and mellow guy. Really, really ****ty news.

Sorry to hear that, man. Finding on on Bookface is a really ****ty way to hear such news though. Why wouldn't they have told you? Do you not get along?

Trollheart · 05-02-2018, 11:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

Fluoxetine, my dog, and cannabis keeps me going.

What an odd name for a dog!

**Frownland** · 05-02-2018, 11:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

What an odd name for a dog!

OccultHawk · 05-02-2018, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucem Ferre

4th session. It was mostly about my views on accountability. How so many people lack accountability because they aren't brave enough to admit their imperfections. The whole reason I decided to get counseling was me taking accountability for my actions. She's said she's happy to see that because I'm in a position where I could easily blame people. I said I don't like blaming because it becomes a road block and strips you of your power. When you actually take accountability it gives you your power, and while you have to admit your flaws, it gives you the power to fix it and overcome. My breakdown was caused by a combination of PTSD, manic depression and bipolar disorder. And I could easily blame that and make that an excuse for my behavior. But nothing will ever change if I do that. I've had these emotional problems my whole life so I know better. I know that even though I can't help how I feel or help having these emotions I have the power to choose how to deal with it, I choose how I react. Like, a close friend of mine was home schooled and lacks a high school education. He constantly talks about how his mom robbed him of an education. He will never admit how much power he had, and has right now, to give himself that education that he's really robbing himself of. I've been in that same situation, I hardly attended high school, I did a year before my parents told me to get a job. So I could easily make that excuse and blame them for robbing me of an education and I did that for a long ass time. But I finally took accountability and gave myself the power to not only get myself a GED but to also attend a year of college. I was in the same exact situation as him and I put myself into college while he put the accountability on his mom and accomplished nothing. And that's why I brought it up because one thing that's bothering me is the denial of accountability. That's what my dad used to do when he'd get mad at us and punish for no reason or hit us or beat the dog, it was his job, they were stressing him out, it's their fault he acted that way. It's okay to admit you're imperfect, we all are, but when you deny it and blame others for it you will become trapped behind the bars of your own cowardice, doomed to keep yourself down. My therapist says that the only problem is that while I don't hold others accountable for my actions, it seems as though I blame myself too much. So while it's great that I hold myself accountable I have to be careful not to put too much blame on myself because it facilitates self loathing.

05-02-2018, 08:19 AM	#50472 (permalink)
~~MicShazam~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Aug 2015 Location: Aalborg Posts: 7,634	Just found out on Facebbook of all places that the brother of my sister's husband just died. I have no idea how yet. He was a super funny, cheerful and mellow guy. Really, really ****ty news.