I picked up my dog today for two or three minutes while I weighed him for my family. He weighs 112 pounds, quite a bit more than I'm used to lifting because I work out doing practical things as opposed to hitting up the gym, which leaves me to the training coaches of backpacks, groceries, and instruments. Tomorrow, my muscles will be sexy as hell though, and we have a fine new girl in the office after a flock of new unsexy hirees, so I hope this works out in my favour.

dude just be yourself don't change for anyone

I already scheduled the plastic surgery for next Tuesday.

Definitely botox the balls. Worked magic for me. Everybody wants to see them now.

The pictures you sent me were certainly impressive. Looked like the Chicago Cloud Gate.

Only shinier.

Took about forty photos with the selfie stick before I was satisfied. Confirmation I'm doing it right. Thumbs up.

I hope to god that you waxed.

Today is officially summer. A smokin hot chick came in shopping with her ass hanging out the bottom of her jean shorts. I was practically watching porn when she bent over to get some sushi.

Did you get any sushi, nawmsayin?