Is Kelly like your alter ego?

Not really.

I'm not sure i'm comfortable talking about it anymore, prolly shouldn't have brought it up.

Dude, so long as you're not comparing suicide to being Hitler nobody really has a problem with what you're saying.

Ah well. I'm drunk and bored so here it is.

I used to crossdress at home when I was a teenager for a couple years. Actually started when I was like 11. Never had an allowance so basically I uh, "stole" makeup from walgreens or borrowed it from my roommates at the time. I grew up in an apartment, we always had roommates most of whom were actually pretty damn cool. Anyways at a point my mom had lost her job, shortly after a very close but very troubled family friend killed herself. Mama kinda changed for a while after that- wasn't herself- and when she found out I was wearing makeup and stealing skirts she kinda flipped. It wasn't horrible but it was pretty hurtful. After that I kinda hid my uh... activities. And then, a couple years ago. Maybe 3? I backlashed against myself pretty damn hard. That whole macho over-compensating stereotypical kinda thing- lasted until shortly after I joined the forum as WD actually. And since then I've just been pretty damn confused and unsure of myself. I've been revisiting being "Kelly" off and on for more than a couple months now, mostly just to figure out if presenting myself as a woman is what I really want. For the time being, I'm unsure.

I just felt a little embarrassed and weird cuz I feel like I kinda share a lot about myself here and idk... just, feels strange and at the same time relieving to share a part of oneself with relatively complete strangers that you're afraid to share with people in person.

I don't think anyone here is judging you. You don't need to feel embarrassed around us.

Yeah, I'm far more disgusting and repellent than you will ever be, WD.

There's nothing to be shameful about. If you feel more comfortable dressed in women's clothing and make up it doesn't make you any less of a valuable person. Do you feel like if you had the choice you would have preferred to be brought up as a female? Many people don't feel comfortable with their assigned gender. I'm sure your mom was surprised by it and not disappointed. You know that what you say here won't go anywhere. If you feel like this is what you want to do then do so at your own pace. I do think you need some support though.

I might be wrong but is the posts about you wanting to bang pretty females really what you want or is what you think you should say on here (to a predominantly heterosexually male forum) ?

Right so, here's how this went down. I closed the store I work at last night and was there doing a reset til 1 am with my boss. When I applied for this job mind you I applied as a lowly clerk, and got hired I got hired as a manager. Because I took their management test some how and passed with flying colors. Ok.... Well I can't say hey boss lady do reset the store yourself I have to go home I have finals. DUCES, no it don't work that way. Well I woke up this morning and went to school no weave no make up forgot to brush my teeth the whole nine, right; Well I look down during the test and I noticed I have one combat boot and one tennis shoe on. (STOP LAUGHING BITCHES THAT **** AIN'T FUNNY) Oh it's gone get worse.... so I go home after finals which didn't go like I hoped. (BECAUSE EVERYTHING THE PROF HAD US STUDY WASN'T ON THE GODAMN TEST!BURN!) So I lay down and everyone and their mother decided that well now is a good time to call me. So **** it I won't nap before work tonight. I get to work my usual 30 minutes early and I finally after a month of being there got my paper work to go take my drug test. (well you know me, I love my smoke.) But I have been clean a minute, still I don't leave **** to chance as I am thick and thick ppl have a hard time with herb sticking to the fat cells. Well, ok not a problem go home get my pee...(It's MINE I ****IN BOUGHT IT, don't judge me) So I pop it in the microwave and I pull it out, I thought the bottle exploded, oh no it was bacon grease from dinner the night before dripping down front of the ****in thing, ugh, ok I wipe it down and dropped it in my waist band, but all I can smell is bacon grease... GROSS! I get there it goes fine no problem except the smell of bacon, and I drive back to work np. Well about an hour later I proceeded to get every ****in insane customer there is. And to top it off I got to chase the man with his pants around his ankles having a nap in front of my store away.

FML

Poor Roxo miss Foxo :(

HUGSHUGSHUGSTHEYMAKEITALLBETTERHUGSHUGSMOREHUGSLOO KATALLTHESEHUGS


I don't feel like I'm less valuable or anything like that it's just something I feel insecure about. Not necessarily here but I've been assaulted/mocked/you-name-it literally every time I've ever gone out in even a remotely feminine way. Even just body language gets a rise from some people so I've just been kinda conditioned I guess to repress myself. I think it's made me a little paranoid and distrustful.

Sometimes yeah. It's really off and on which is the most frustrating thing about it. I feel like if I were truly a person who wanted to live life as a woman or presenting as a woman I'd be more sure of myself. All of the trans people I've ever met and talked to have been way more sure of themselves than I am. At the same time though I'm pretty unsure of myself in general.

Yes and no. I am attracted to women/people who present as female/feminine-men but at times yeah, I definitely just try and be one of the guys once in a while. I don't think anyone's ever buying it though, I know I don't. That said I can say without doubt that I am a lusty bastard haha.

@Roxy, lol. I'm so boring compared to everyone on here.

@WD - Fooled me. I thought you were a giant drunken man whore (no joke). No judgment from me man. Do what's good for you. It's good that you recognize you aren't sure of yourself, there is a reason they have such strict regulations and scanning before they allow people to go through gender reassignment surgery. That is up there with becoming paralyzed when it comes to a life changing experience.