Plankton

Trolling my GF today through emails. We're going to see Afroman this weekend, and this is what happened (keep in mind that some of this is wrong, but I like yanking her chain):

GF: I’m listening to Afro man’s Colt 45. We should get big Afro wigs to wear to the concert!

Me: Thats racist!

GF: I think it’s funny! Okay, we can get rainbow ones!

Me: Thats homophobic!

GF: Okay, so we’ll paint our faces black & wear rainbow wigs with our pants on backwards pulled down past our butt cheeks

Me: Thats ghetto!

GF: The world is a ghetto.

Me: Thats nihilistic!

GF: **** that.

Me: Thats vulgar!

GF: Are you saying that I’m a racist homophobic ghetto nihilistic vulgar beautiful young lady?

Me: Thats narcissistic!

GF: What up there 2-word. That’s my new name for you. Kind of like 2-pac.

Me: Thats stereotyping!

GF: You win.

Me: Quitter.

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See location...

Goofle

Yes. Year long apprenticeship.

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hate paper doll

RoxyRollah

For the bodycare joint!? Apprenticeship, really.

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djchameleon

low paid intern. You know what he means.

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Fame, fortune, power, titties. People say these are the most crucial things in life, but you can have a pocket full o' gold and it doesn't mean sh*t if you don't have someone to share that gold with. Seems simple. Yet it's an important lesson to learn. Even lone wolves run in packs sometimes.

Goofle

Yeah. Now a slightly less low paid permanent fixture, with fewer hours.

Means I can get drunk more nights basically.

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RoxyRollah

Okay, so I was on my way home from school today, and my man was driving. Well as we are coming up on one of the busiest streets in Sarasota we look and see a 16 year old girl, and with a 6 year old and a three year old in tow. Now she is dressed in her little booty shorts and trying to holla at passing cars. Well my man had a horrible gut feeling he looks at me as we are slowing down to a 35 mph speed and says, "Babe that kid is going to break free and run into traffic." No sooner had he said that then what happens 3 year old breaks free from his brothers hand and darts at the Caddy. Now this is not a sedan, this is an SUV so I can't see from the passenger seat. My man swerves to the right up on the curb. I look and there is a Ford F350 behind us and it swerves to the left. I jump out of the car and take off running towards the accident and all I hear are screams, blood curdling screams, and all I think is "OH JESUS CHRIST THE KID IS DEAD.'' By the time I reached the kids they were on the side walk. Now, I see the driver of the other car, with his head between his knees, and I see a passerby calling 911 and no child. I look the right, and there is the 3 year old with his brother who is dragging him by his arm. I scooped up the kid, and look at him and start asking if anything hurts. He doesn't have a scratch on him!! The screaming was so loud, and I am still clutching the baby in my arms and I bend down and look at the screaming girl (who hasn't shut up yet mind you.) and I tell her "Honey you need to calm down he is fine, is this your son?....Honey you need to calm down and talk to me because you are scaring the piss outta this kid and I need to find out if any bones are broken." Nothing just more screaming. Well here comes the police, and the ambulance, and the fire truck. And the back of my shirt reads in bold black letters "Forensics." Now mind you because I had my back to the police and my uniform is standard Sarasota County "Forensics" uniform, they think I am actually a licensed tech. I tell you myself, my man, and the driver of the other car have never been treated so lovely by the police. EVER! (Usually it's "put your hands behind your back form me please.")
Once they realized the drivers, neither hit the child, nor ran from the scene. The only person able to give a coherent statement was yours truly. So as I am giving the my statement, and 3 year old is using my bosom as a fluffy pillow, up pulls his mother, who is 21. Now, the mother looks at me and says "Omg what happened?" I told her hey listen your kid almost got hit and killed. She starts wailing. Both her and her 16 year baby sitter ended up in the ambulance. (Go figure.) And as myself, my man and the other driver are trying to calm down up pulls the news. Next thing you know there is a hot, sweaty, and broken out Roxy with a boom mic in my face. FACEPALM.

Really God?! On the news and looking, crazy. The cops, actually shook my hand instead of tried to break it while bouncing my head off the hood of their car. I think I may like this field. Goodbye speeding tickets, and random searches, hello "Oh hey Jess go head."

I should have thought of blending into society years ago. Pfft fight the power my ass. Beat the system from within!

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FRED HALE SR.

Hot, Sweaty and broken out, Hawt.

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" I slashed and burned thru my 15 minutes of fame."

hate paper doll

Holy shit! How terrifying, but I'm glad everyone was safe. I'd have been tempted to belt the mom and babysitter though, I don't do well around hysterics.

GuD

Roxo! That is a crazy story dude!

I uh... just came here to vent about a pretty typical day. Almost bashed a customers face into pudding today. At first I thought he and his friends were cool. I overheard bits of their conversation, smart guys. But, when it came time to pay up they totally looked down their noses at me. I'm pretty sick of this elitist mentality I keep coming across lately. What good is your intellect if you just use it to snub people? That's basically the jist of what happened today at work and I felt pretty pissed.

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I spit bullets in my feet
Every time I speak
So I write instead
And still people want me dead
~msc