The Batlord

As long as her tits stick out past her gut then it's all good.

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ladyislingering

While on my first break at work, the ladies were joking about a heinous skidmark someone left on one of the toilets in the ladies' room, and...

....one of the girls decided to show us all a photo she took in a public restroom - of a toilet that someone had literally filled to the brim with shit.



....one of our supervisors called a shitstain a "tiger stripe" and everyone just...



Then when I was on lunch, my supervisor was on the phone with his boyfriend/husband describing how he managed to spill his chai tea all over the side of someone's car, then said "I hope it's not anyone I know, or anyone I work with" and then I joked "it's probably me" (because he parks next to me a lot without knowing, for some reason).

...It was me.

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Deviouz

^ lool

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PoorOldPo

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https://www.instagram.com/hennas.lullaby/

RoxyRollah

Ok so, I must share this, if I can stop laughing.

So this morning, wake up check my stash box. EMPTY, call my friend, he says no I am not home chica but go over to my house anyway my roommate is there. Word up! Not a problem, on my way. 20 minutes later as I am turning on to my friends street, I see a cop car, and I start rubber necking trying to see if he is in the car, and gauge my actions appropriately as my boys driveway is directly across from this parked cop car. Well, I don't see any human in the car, and nothing out of place on the street, and nothing that didn't sit right. I am like ok well maybe it's a dummy car parked. I pull into the drive way and I hear this loud crash, and I am like what the **** is that. I look and I have successfully taken out the white picket fence in front of the house.
Oh ****, right. No, I go with it, I jump outta my car laughing and fain surprise and humor, and I listen, I hear my boy's roommate's voice, and the sound of an authoritative white man. Oh **** right, nope not in the least,

"Unlce T omg I just hit your fence I am soooo sorry."

The cop who had followed my friends roommate out of the house, (who is neither my uncle, or anyone I really know well just happens to be an older cat with some good grass.) looks at me and says,

"Well what's that they say about there never being a cop handy when you need one."

I busted up laughing, and as I am laughing I notice, T has one handcuff attached to his hand, and the other free. Oh ****, right? Nope He looks at me and says

"Come here baby, tell this man that I wasn't at no damn parade last night, and I wasn't pouring chocolate syrup in my roommates mothers gas tank. Tell him that bitch crazy."

"Well officer, I have to say no he wasn't at the parade last night, because he was at my momma's house, playing dominoes till 1:30 or so."
(LIES! ALL OF IT) Cop never asked my name, nothing, just looked at me, looked at him, looked at the fence, and basically said, I am too tired for this ****, stay away from your roommates mother! Unhooks him, and gets in the car and bounces.

Few minutes later we are sitting on the porch looking at each other, (the roommate and I), with "that what just happened look on our faces." and I ask him,

"T, you pour syrup in Kendrick's momma car last night homie?"

"You betta know I did it, that bitch is crazy."

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Scarlett O'Hara

Omg, that is awesome! What a great ending, I can't believe you convinced the cop to let him go! Fuck I'm tired, it's time for coffee.

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RoxyRollah

Im not sure it was convincing as much as it was at the exact moment he was getting arrested, I decided to park on his fence.

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Black Francis

that was the best part! xD

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"Hey Kids you got to meet the MIGHTY PIXIES!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbRbCtIgW3A

RoxyRollah

Hey I was trying to play it cool...
Cool, and ditzy...

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Goofle

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