Freebase Dali

Heh... I just referenced that movie elsewhere. You were first though. You hold claim.

Howard the Duck

I'm just gonna rephrase Rorscharch - "i wish the whole world's women had one pussy and i was f*cking it" (well, except for my mother's of coz)

Dirty

sk I appreicate the honestly in that post.

but dude, you gotta let her go. For real, you think you are gonna get married and your wife is gonna be totally cool with you snuggling with your ex girlfriend and pressing your boner against her ass while you fall asleep? You think your ex is gonna get married and still wanna come over and cuddle all night and give you blue balls? Sounds to me like you want her back, and she probably wants you back too or else she wouldnt be sleeping over with you.

You are talking like you are still in a relationship with her, dude. "And altough there have been some moments when I said "I can't do this anymore", we struggled on. There is no "we," you two aren't together. It's like you both still want each other, and you are gonna keep pushing the hugging/cuddling (dont understand that at all, to each their own my friend) limit until eventually it goes further. One night you'll kiss. Then it won't seem so wrong to grab her tits... and before you know it, you're putting it in her butt.

As for cuddling and spooning with female friends, I guess I just don't understand it. That's a pre-sex or post-sex type of thing in my eyes, I guess I am more just shocked that the girls' boyfriends allow that (unless they dont know or think you're gay).

Are you sure she wouldn't stop seeing you if her boyfriend asked her not to sleepover? Cause if she wouldn't stop seeing you, then her current relationship isn't very strong. By no means is that an outrageous demand for a boyfriend to ask his girlfriend to stop sleeping over at an ex's crib. So maybe that works in your favor cause in my eyes (though yes I am a far outsider) her relationship is doomed to fail at some point.

Cmon bro, she gets on top of you sometimes...gets naked in front of you... Dude seriously put your foot down and be like "We are either banging or I can't see you anymore." What happens if she decides eventually to marry this dude or get more serious and doesn't wanna do this with you anymore? You are gonna be devastated, start cutting some ties now so it all doesn't crush you like a ton of bricks.

Cause I get that you grew up together, built lives together. But you are searching for a girlfriend that doesn't mind you snuggling up against your ex's ass... Maybe things work differently there, but I doubt THAT differently. I think you're really just banking on getting back together with your ex. But what I am saying is make a move, playa. Make a move. Right now your ex is always gonna know that she can be with some other guy, and when she needs to can come over to your place for breakfast and blue balls servings. Don't give her that comfort even though it feels right. Make her start making choices instead of being the fall back option. Know what I'm sayin??

Paedantic Basterd

Maybe I'm backwoods because I'm in Canada, but for me, physical contact of any kind isn't a benefit for friends. I find it shocking that everyone in said situation is A-OK with the matter, but if that's actually the case, then I shrug in your general direction. I just know that personally, it seems like a lot of boundaries are being crossed.

EDIT: Dirty's said a lot of things I agree with there.

djchameleon

I don't think he will ever be able to put his foot down about this situation. He is too comfortable with it and a beta male. Everything he pretty much described is that they are all in open relationships and they are fine with it being that way.

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s_k

No prob. I just hope nobody will hold it against me sometime.

I'm never going to get married but apart from that, yeah I think so. Things seem to be a bit different here. And I don't press my boner against anything and apart from that, we sleep seperately. We just hug and go our own way.

Not all night, as I've mentioned above.
And I guess she will, yeah. Our friendship (and whatever comes forth out of that friendship) is worth an awful lot. We both definitely don't want to change that and I think we both will be able to give up a awful lot to keep it going.
If I want her back? She can come back any time, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be waiting for her. That would be stupid. There's more girls than just this one. It's the friendship that counts here, not the sex, not the relationship we used to have. I'm sure I'll be able to find a girl with whom I can have a relationship that works better. But I'm sure I'll never find another person to which I can relate as much as I can relate to her. I know many, many people. No one even gets remotely close.
And I'm not saying I will never ever love anyone more than I love her. I might. But I'm absolutely convinced that there will be no one I need more than her. We really share an awful lot.

That makes no sense. When you're trying to figure out stuff with a 'regular' friend, there's stil a 'we'. We just had some emotions of our past relationshp to get over in order to become friends without expecting relationship stuff from eachother. Like calling hours on a day, having sex and such.

Very subtle. But you're wrong. You probably never felt the need to go on beyond that. But it's possible. It's not really hard for me to keep my hands to myself anymore. I just... can. Without a doubt.

I obviously don't do the same to every girl I know. Some of them I just hug, some of them lay in my arms on the couch and some of them I actually hold in the night. Altough I should add that I broke the contact with the last one I did that with, when I discovered that she told her boyfriend she was sleeping on the couch. I don't want that to happen.
I somehow get a lot of trust from girls and their boyfriends. I don't know why.
I have one girlfriend I tell a lot of 'sweet' stuff. Her boyfriend knows that and sometimes he makes a joke or a remark about it. I'm sure he's a bit worried about her falling in love with me (and he definitely has a right to be worried, but then I have a rare capability of being able to use a tiny bit of my brains even when I really want to have sex with a girl. It's not much and it's pretty tough to force myself to take it easy, but so far I've managed.
I mean, why wouldn't I want my girlfriends to tell me about their sexual experiences, have them walk around naked, make pictures of their tits so I can tell whether they're allright because they are unsecure about them...
I don't see why I wouldn't want that to happen. I like the openness and honesty of my relationships with females. I can like that without having sex with them. It doesn't frustrate me. I don't expect sex until I get it

Why can't you see that it's the other way around?
OUR relationship is really strong. I don't think any of her future relationships will be strong enough to make her stop seeing me. If I had the feeling that could happen, I wouldn't put so much effort in it.

It is. But maybe all her relationships are doomed to fail at some point.
It's not easy to find someone who understands her. It's a 'different' kind of person. I'm sure this also causes you not to be able to grasp the way things are here. I know here incredibly well and I'm absolutely certain about what I'm telling you.
We will keep in touch Mr. Dirty. I'll tell you if I'm wrong. But I'm not.

That's probably something you'd want to say. But I don't. You'll have to accept that either I'm a stronger person, or you've never met a girl that means as much to you as she does to me

I won't be devestated because in that case I'd just have to cope with that.
She's not going to get married anyway (this is not the US ) and even if she does, what does that little piece of paper change for a relationship? You'd be an idiot if you would make some stupid ceremony and a bit of paper change the relationship with your best friend. Marriage really doesn't change anything here, I guess.

Haha, I'm not sure how it works overthere, exactly.
But Fleur is a part of my life, a part of me. Everyone I know knows that. I don't even think they'd ever think about parting us. It's like saying 'you shouldn't listen to music ever again' or like saying 'you are not allowed to pet your cat anymore'. No one would ask that from me. People somehow learned how Fleur and I work and some of them understand, all of them accept it. The ones who know her best never say 'let her go'. They say 'stick together, you two belong together'. It's all very logical for me, but people I haven
't known for a long time don't understand it either .
It's not just you. Altough I must say you really can't seem to grasp anything of it. It's apparently really different from the way you treat relationships. And that's okay, of course. But you'll have to accept it for what it is. Convincing me to see it differently is absolutely pointless.

Yes. But no.
She's not taking advantage of me .
You'll have to believe me. I've considered all the things you say here, but it absolutely isn't going to change anymore. We even tried being less intimate, but that feels really forced. It's not meant to be that way. You'll see some day .

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s_k

We're not. But we could be. We understand the idea that's behind an open relationship and we see the benefits of it.
And being a beta male? Absolutely not. I'm really critical towards her and don't mind getting in a fight so I can at least be honest.
Her new boyfriend probably is though. Causing her not to be able to ber herself when she's with him.
Being a beta male doesn't work. You have to be equal in a relationship.
But I'm not willing to sacrifice everything just for her. That's probably one of the reasons our relationship didn't work. I wasn't capable and/or willing to change some of the things she wanted me to change. It's really a decision, this. And I'm not taking the path of least resistance here. Had I done that, I would have left her a long time ago when things were really rough.

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ThePhanastasio

s_k, I've read through all of the things you've said regarding your ex, and would really like to add some honest (from a female perspective, not testosterone-driven; no offense dirty!) feedback on the matter, from what I'm gathering.

I understand that you have a really strong friendship with your ex, and that you care about her a lot. That happens, and it's really not that rare of an occurrence, even over here in the states.

When you say:

Here is what I read out of that: You are still in love with this girl. When you use the word "need", that's all I needed to read to see that this goes beyond the feelings of friendship and that sort of love for you. There's nothing wrong with being friends with your ex, but really - the cuddling and things of that nature really is unfair. And not just for you, but for anyone she dates.

Yes, I know you could probably care less about the people she's dating. But think of it this way: SHE IS DATING THEM. She is not dating you. That's an important distinction to come to terms with, and that's really the true issue at hand. It really is.

Sure, it might not be the most serious of relationships, or anything of that nature, but it's really not helping anyone out. It's not helping her find a stable relationship, although she is dating people. It's not helping you find a relationship. It's not helping anyone she might attempt to date potentially have a good relationship with her. It's just a completely counter-productive situation...for all involved really.

The reason I chose to comment on this is because one of my best guy friends is in an almost identical situation, and as someone close to him who's been aware of the situation since it came about, I know it's hurting him more than doing good. It's really difficult to watch this unfold, because no matter what we tell him, even his best friends are unable to convince him that he's not in a good situation. He won't listen, but things have progressively gotten worse and worse, particularly as of late.

For your sake, really sit down and take a good long look at the situation, and try to figure out if it could ever be a positive situation without a DRASTIC change taking place. If a drastic change is required, it'd probably be best to really move on.

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s_k

I don't think I really am.
I just need her because she's the only person who understands all my weird logic and twistes. She's really a valuable addition to my life.

As I've said before, I also do this with friends I haven't dated at all .

If having a relationship means having to ditch the ones (or things, for that matter. I know a lot of people who had to remove their tapedecks out of the living room for a girl) you love, I don't mind not being in a relationship.
And I know you're wrong in this case, just because there are girls who know me very well and who know the way I am with Fleur, who wouldn't mind having a relationship with me. So... I don't think it'll limit my chances of a new relationship. And if it does, so be it

But I don't feel bad about it. Not anymore, not at all.
And I don't sacrifice my whole social life just to be good to her.
It's not a similar situation then, is it?

I really appreciate your concern. But it really isn't going to help.
Please realise (same goes for Dirty and the others) that I posted this to explain the situation. Not to get advice .
I know you are realy trying to help, but really, it's not going to work and you're probably only getting frustrated because I won't listen to you.
I do listen, I just don't agree. I've thought this over very, very thorougly and it's been over a year now. I'm absolutely certain the way I'm approaching stuff now, is best for me. Don't worry. I'm fine. The situation is just too different to anything else for anyone to explain.

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s_k

And people, please. Anyone. I'll be fine .
There's really no need to worry about me. Just take this information for granted please .

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