Originally Posted by Dirty
(Post 947167)
James, I don't know how old you are but to be real you sound exactly like me like 4-5 years ago. Here's my advice, don't take any of this offensively I'm tryin to help, and yes I know I'm a newb.
Think about this. You are trying to get with a girl by getting at her in Facebook messages. Is that really a great idea? Put yourself in her head.. Some guy who she never really sees or talks to just messaged her asking to be her boyfriend. It's all about comfort level. That doesn't make her comfortable. And how can you two be comfortable together if you can't even ask her out in person?
Following a facebook thing like that? Bad idea, nothing good is gonna come out of that situation. Don't be desperate, you can't put this girl on a pedestal right now. If you really like this girl then don't follow stupid facebook messages that say "PM the girl you like". Did you have any reason to expect there was a solid chance she'd say yes? If not, stay realistic about things. And secondly, don't get bummed out and feel sorry for yourself since she said no. Because it was probably more likely she was gonna say that anyways. But if you start getting bummed out and feel self-pity, you'll just get bitter and start believing "nice guys finish last". Forget that phrase all together.
and if you don't see her much, then why do you even wanna date her? You can't adore somebody and then be in a good relationship with them. Everybody dude has girls that he sees and is like... damn i wanna bang this chick. But it isn't always possible, you gotta build some chemistry there. This aint the movies.
Alright, so now getting with this girl... You can only move forward from this point. Ok, so now she knows that you want her. This is where girls can really play with you so this is important. When you DO see her in the halls or wherever, don't be awkward. Easier said than done, but if you start acting awkward around her you are just digging your grave. Girls can play with you here because if she sees you're awkward and can tell you have her on that pedestal, then she might take advantage of your adoration.
Ok, think of getting with this girl like this: You are coming home from a party. You been drinkin a little, it's like 4AM or somethin and you gotta sneak in the front door of the house. Oh ****, it's locked... Is it a better idea to try to pry the door open and gradually enter or is it a better idea to run full speed and try to knock it down? If you go for it all in one shot, even if you get in, you're gonna break the damn door and you're parents are gonna wake up and be PISSED. That's trouble. If you try to pry the door open, your parents might hear you and come downstairs and be kinda mad... but they won't be as pissed off as they'd be if you stormed through the door, would they? Or let's say you get inside and nobody hears you but you **** up the door a little bit. In the morning, just say it was an accident... Bottom line of this story is that if you pry the door open, nothing that bad can really happen and if you barge through the door, then you're royally ****ed. Do you see how this relates?? With a girl, you gotta get that step in the door before you can open it. You can't try to hit a home run here, start with the first pitch and work the count to 1-0. Go for the single and you can work your way to home plate. Baby steps here is what I'm sayin.
Now, if you get into a position where she wants to hang out or do something, *as friends,* then don't friendzone yourself. Ok maybe the first time you hang out, whatever it's cool. But at some point, you have to say "no, im kinda busy that day with a thing with my friends, i'll get ahold of you next week and we'll do something." If you just do everything she says and agrees with everything, she'll start to really like you... But as a friend!!! You have to have a personality and I'm not saying you don't, but if you are too much into a girl, sometimes that personality gets shielded because you are trying to be as nice as possible.
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