How Do I Prepare Spam? [Official Thread]

[Aux-In]

A few weeks ago I posted a picture of spam in the spam thread. Thinking little of it outside of its relevancy to said thread, it was brought to my attention that, apparently, there are ways to prepare this delicacy. My taste in food is fairly simple, and by all accounts, spam should fit right in. The problem is that I can't remember the last time I have ever had it. But, I don't want to limit my palette, so here we are. In order to help me figure out how to properly prepare spam, I am making this thread so I can receive some pointers from spam aficionados.

The premise: The goal is to collect some sort of consensus on how best to cook (or not cook) this spam based on the following food/equipment availability.

Food(s) Available:

MEATS

• Spam (Original) [one can]
• Spam Lite [one can]
• Tuna (Chunk Light)
• Turkey bites
• Turkey breast (slices)

GRAINS & STARCHES

• Oatmeal
• Wheat pasta
• Popcorn seeds (unpopped poporn)
• Shells and Cheese prepared pasta (boxed, uncooked)

FRUITS, VEGETABLES, & CANNED GOODS

• Sweet peas
• Pork 'n beans
• Tomatoes
• Blueberries
• Strawberries
• Oranges
• Apples

CONDIMENTS

• Ranch Light dressing
• Extra Virgin Olive Oil
• Ketchup
• Sugar-free syrup
• Hershey's Syrup Lite
• Mustard
• Faux butter spray
• BBQ seasoning
• Baking soda

MISCELLANEOUS/OTHER

• Dry roasted peanuts
• Soy protein powder
• Whey protein powder
• Ice cream
• Waffles (frozen)
• One piece of leftover pepperoni pizza

BEVERAGES

• Tap water
• A few bottles of Bud Light
• Orange juice
• Milk
• Bottle of Chardonnay
• Bottle of Skyy vodka
• Strawberry lemonade starter (mixed flavoring)

EQUIPMENT AVAILABLE

• Microwave
• Frying pan
• Toaster
• Weight scale
• Stove

If such a consensus cannot be reached, I will eat the spam right out of that can. Whichever way this goes, I will update the thread with my final results.