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How Do I Prepare Spam? [Official Thread]
A few weeks ago I posted a picture of spam in the spam thread. Thinking little of it outside of its relevancy to said thread, it was brought to my attention that, apparently, there are ways to prepare this delicacy. My taste in food is fairly simple, and by all accounts, spam should fit right in. The problem is that I can't remember the last time I have ever had it. But, I don't want to limit my palette, so here we are. In order to help me figure out how to properly prepare spam, I am making this thread so I can receive some pointers from spam aficionados.
The premise: The goal is to collect some sort of consensus on how best to cook (or not cook) this spam based on the following food/equipment availability. Food(s) Available: MEATS
GRAINS & STARCHES
FRUITS, VEGETABLES, & CANNED GOODS
CONDIMENTS
MISCELLANEOUS/OTHER
BEVERAGES
EQUIPMENT AVAILABLE
If such a consensus cannot be reached, I will eat the spam right out of that can. Whichever way this goes, I will update the thread with my final results. |
Get a blender and blend the Chardonnay, vodka, and spam together and drink. At least that disgusting recipe will get you drunk.
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I actually thought up a better recipe.
Step one: pour three shots of vodka into a glass. Step two: add orange juice to taste. Step three: open both cans of spam and place them in the garbage. Step four: drink Alright I'm all done, I'm sure Chula will come along and show you how to make it edible :D. |
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Ok, I'm here to save the day. Cut the spam into 1/4" thick wedges. Spray down a non stick fry pan with a little Pam (cousin of Spam).
Fry the Spam wedges on medium heat until nicely browned. Toast a couple of slices of bread. Put fried Spam on bread. Douse with yellow mustard. That's it. Guess a glass of super cold chocolate milk would be a good chaser. Clean all your dishes then get wasted on vodka. Voila! |
Have you got anything without spam in it?
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Take the spam, check your bank account, throw away spam and go buy real food.
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^So even if he's broke he should go out and buy a nice steak? Bad recipe.
Damn...I thought Chula would come up with something better than those damn spam sandwiches (band name?). I guess I would be wrong if this was my thread but let's let Aux be the verdict. You should give doing it straight a shot just for the sake of exploring the science of Aux-in's tastebuds and it would save me a lot of funding if I didn't have to do all the work myself. |
Omg your still alive...how was your day bro^.:laughing:
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They left after 1 PM so I treated myself to 4 hours of my own music to take the pain away. Still kinda sucked being a slow day that led me to doing that inane busywork that requires s goldfish's amount of thought. Rates are kind of going up because of something people who aren't in my department cares about so we haven't had many purchases.
Still, I made sure not to be too hungover today because of how slow it's been. |
I would just fry it and have it with the cheese pasta and the peas and tomatoes. I was going to suggest making tomato sauce but you dont have onions or garlic apparently. The **** dude, everyone has onions and garlic.
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Let's not forget that there are two cans of spam. So I think for right now I could do both Frownland's spamtonic and Chula's spamburgers. Best of both worlds. I have some things to attend to the next few days, so this will likely be done on Friday with the results posted no later than Saturday if everything goes as planned.
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Okay, first you open the spam and chop it into tiny cubes.
Then you open the sweet peas and stew them with tomato sauce NOT KETCHUP and add some olive oil, the sliced spam you cut and and add a bit of that BBQ seasoning if you like. Then you prepare some rice (i know it's not on the list but get some, preferably medium grain) then you fry the turkey slices in some butter spray and that's it, when it's done you pour the sweet peas over the rice and accompany it with the fried turkey slices. You don't even need the turkey slices, the sweet peas with spam over the rice is delicious enough on its own. |
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It seems to be shaping up as the following: 1) Main Dish: Chula's spamburger(s). Cooking the meat will be step #1. 2) Frownland's spamtonic: Chardonnay, vodka and spam mixed into a drink. With this one, I'm only going to put a little of it in a glass, as I can't imagine the outcome being anything other than predictable as far as my enjoyment of it. It might not even mix well because of having to mix it by hand. I'll use the Spam Lite for this. Additional chaser drink: Chocolate milk. 3) Pasta/Cheese Side Dish: A combo suggestion from WhateverDude and Black Francis. I will cook the pasta and add the sweet peas and spam after it's finished. This one's simple as it's just a mix of cooked spam with Velveeta Shells & Cheese. I think it'll taste good too...maybe. |
You don't have to do my dish if you don't want to, I was totally kidding.
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Verdict?
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Waiting with bated breath.
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The Results
THE RESULTS PREPARATION I began step one by preparing the frying pan with some faux butter spray. http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/...psvnibksgz.jpg Then I opened the can, getting my first ever look at spam, that at least I can recall. The smell was familiar, as in similar to other kinds of meat, although it wasn't as strong as I expected and not quite like your standard aroma from an opened can of meat. I want to say it was reminiscent of Canadian bacon. http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/...pssbmluobd.jpg I proceeded to remove the contents of the can onto a plate. Visibly, the meat had a pinkish texture, and physically, it slithered out of the can and stayed in piece as a solid brick, complete with impressed can lines as seen in the photo. http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/...pseudfmjbq.jpg Next, I began breaking the spam into pieces, and this is where I made a rookie mistake. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I was expecting the spam to mesh together when I started breaking it up. Sometimes you just have to learn lessons the hard way, and the next time I try this -- should there even be one -- I will be better prepared to cut the spam with a knife in order to get even pieces. http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/...ps0ycuhqto.jpg As uneven as these cuts were, it was time to forget about the past and start cooking what I already had. Even cooked, the spam was almost odorless from a distance. As a comparison -- and this is something spam might have going for it -- if you've ever cooked fish in the breakroom at school or work, surely you've found out that someone is bound to let you know that you have done so. Here, I would say that you could substitute spam for fish so that you don't have to suffer such embarrassment/harassment. Anyway, I was midway through the cooking process at this point when the meat started to pop/sizzle, although it wasn't melodramatic about it. This is when I started the Velveeta Shells & Cheese (not shown), which I expected to finish around the same time as the spam with a cook time of about eight minutes. Note: the spam cooked in about 15 to 20 minutes. http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/...psbf5uyrwb.jpg The halfway point http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/...pstqp6l67g.jpg Finished cooking Now I cut the finished meat into small pieces so that I could add them to the Velveeta pasta. The largest piece would be saved in order to make Chula's spamburger. http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/...pskdx42e0d.jpg Cut pieces ready to be added to pasta http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/...psgnrtycoo.jpg Results of spam + Velveeta and sweat peas DESTINATION: FINISHED RESULTS After everything was complete, I set the table for this special occasion. Who knew when I posted the picture of spam in the spam thread that things would get to this point. I mean, everything has led up to this moment, and I was ready to dig in. http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/...pslgn91tex.jpg From the first bite, my thoughts went from elation to conflicted as I was trying to interpret what my taste buds were telling me: is this week-old rubbery chicken? Is that my acid reflux being activated? Maybe it's just the mustard? Still, I forged ahead, giving the spam it's fair shake as I polished off the spamburger and the side dish of the pasta mix. Finally, it was on to Frownland's drink. Hopefully it's not too much of a disappointment, but I decided to go sans spam, as I learned earlier that the spam wasn't going to cooperate in a mix such as this. As stated, I don't have a blender. The Chardonnay smelled like Chardonnay and the Vodka smelled of a sweet vanilla bean, which is the flavor that I had on hand. As expected, it tasted like alcohol. I also had some chocolate milk. http://i1383.photobucket.com/albums/...psxmiv0xhi.jpg Frownland's drink SUMMATION In the end, it wasn't really that bad, although I don't think this will be considered a road map to fine dining anytime soon, and the likelihood that spam will be replacing my canned tuna and sliced meats is largely nil. |
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Dude...... Cooking with an even thickness insures you don't have any rubbery bites. |
How to Prepare Spam A Step-by-Step Instructional Guide Step 1: Take Spam out of the cabinet. Step 2: Hit yourself in the head with it repeatedly. Step 3: Take a good hard look at your goddamn life. Step 4: Pull yourself together, goddamn it. Step 5: Throw that shit in the garbage. Step 6: Go take a damn shower. Step 7: Take your ass to the store. Step 8: Buy some goddamn potatoes. Step 9: Carry potatoes home in burlap sack. Step 10: Call a friend to assist you in bludgeoning yourself until you apologize for your entire life and everything you've done in it that has led up to your consideration of Spam as an acceptable food substance. |
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I didn't want to say anything but i saw all this going downhill when you added peas to the pasta. :p:
And i can't believe you topped it all off by drinking chocolate milk, you must have an iron stomach. |
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:p:
The spam burger looked alright but apparently he didn't like it much. Aux in don't give up on spam yet, try it for breakfast it goes good with eggs. |
You just have to have a very flexible definition of good.
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I don't get this spam hate, i f*ckin love spam. It's cheap and tasty just like Corn beef. (Which i love too)
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Seriously though, cutting it into uniform thickness makes for perfect cooking and eliminating any rubbery texture. Don't let your first ****ed up Spam experience screw up your world view of Spam. That would be sad. |
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