incorrect

bears are largely opprotunistic omnivores, very much like jews

except for polar bears who are strait up cut throat hunt a human down killaz

Might want to find a clinic for that one, comrade.

When you smell someone else's fart, you're actually inhaling little tiny pieces of poo.

did i say jews? my bad i meant to say dogs

I keep getting visited by this raccoon. She's pregnant, and the past few times I've gone in the backyard for a smoke or to take my dog out or to have a beer outside she's there waiting for me, peering over our redwood fence that separates our yard from our neighbors. This raccoon has the most intense eyes. She just stares right at you, into your soul, and savors the sight. Sometimes she curls her lips a little bit, like she's reading something she doesn't like. We're all sinners, I couldn't blame her. Or maybe I'm crazy for thinking so much of a raccoon. What does she know? She never got to know me. She just stares. Is it absurd to infer so much from a stare? Maybe that's just her face. Sometimes mean faces mean well. I think I'm gonna start to call her Karen.

Pajama bottoms.

I lent all three of my Mr. Bungle cds to a friend in high school once. He never returned them because he knocked some chick up in New Mexico and ended up moving there abruptly. The kid should be 5 or 6 years old now, so I really hope that he ends up bumping some Bungle when he's chilling with his kid or else it was all a waste and I'll have to avenge the loss of my albums.

When I die in some ridiculous fashion that goes on the news, I hope they use one of my more awesomer pictures.

Final thought: eat your ego with syrup.