Ask Varg Vikernes Anything (Colored People Welcome)
 

Hello Musicbanter,

It is I, Varg Vikernes (yes, really! :wave:), and it has come to my attention that a number of people hold some rather... unfortunate views about me. I don't know why so many people seem to hate me. I'm a pretty fungi (lol) and enjoy a good traditional Norwegian folk dance as much as anyone. I'm sure it's all a terrible misunderstanding brought about by communists, the media, and Jews. So, ask me anything you wish, and I will answer to the best of my abilities, hopefully clearing up any misunderstandings and misinformation. I hope very much to get to know each and every one of you in the days to come.

Odin be with you,

Varg

What's your favourite type of bra?

We're gonna need some proof. Burn down a church or something.

Do you want to jam?

I can just shoot 'em an email whenever I want, we're on good terms.

Bras are tools of Judeo-Christians created to objectify women, so I do not like any of them. To go natural, as did our foremothers, is the only acceptable way for a proper woman to dress if we hope to throw off the yolk of our Jewish overlords.

P.S. Good to see a fellow Viking! :)

Ah, the beauty of innocent youth. I remember such times fondly. Unfortunately the Jews are watching me like hawks (or vultures), so were I to so much as jaywalk I'm sure they would use that to further persecute me.

I would love to! Unfortunately all of my instruments were recently stolen. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what group of people likely did so. They also stole my television (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

I receive so many emails, but it always good to hear from my dedicated fans. I would just please ask them to refrain from sending me dog excrement (lol).

Still no proof.

Post a pic of yourself with a newspaper from today, or should this be in the form of a question Alex?

Doritos: original or cool ranch?

Please forgive me, but I do not receive any newspapers. Too much Jewishness. All of my news comes from online Aryan newsletters.

Pringles or not at all.

I smell a fake. Somebody hold this fucker down while I go get the real Varg on this shit.


Muthafucka gon' come all up in here frontin an shit...

Soft or crispy cornflakes?

If the real Varg sees this he's gonna be so mad.

Why do I feel like I am in great danger?

I know.

*snicker*

God, I love a good train wreck.

Mondo, shoot him an email and tell him he's being impersonated.

Varg's gonna **** **** up.

Hey! You edited your post.



Don't be a pussy.

Hmph. I'm sure it is now clear to everyone that you are in fact a mouthpiece for the Jewish conspiracy trying to discredit me, though whether you are one of them or merely a puppet I cannot say. I had not anticipated that they would have infiltrated even this place, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. They are after all a wily race.

I had suspected you from the start, due to your avatar. As all well-informed Aryan brothers know, Spongebob is in fact Jewish propaganda. However, the truth is now obvious.

Crispy. With plenty of sugar.

I assure you, I am indeed the real Varg Vikernes. Do not listen to Plankton's lies.

How did this guy know Briks was Norwegian? I smell a rat….

Oh sure. I'm all verklempt.

Stuff it jerkwad.

I always knew it. You should be ashamed of yourself, Plankton.

Does it not say "Cutest little Norse boy" under his screen name?

And now that I have outed you to everyone you lower yourself to childish name calling. Typical.

Finally, one who knows the truth.

What's the best way to get a really ****ty sounding lofi recording device on a budget? Or is there a good way that I can do that in post?

Ah, an excellent question. There are several ways to achieve the desired "necro" sound.

1. My go to method is to physically assault the soundboard with a hammer (in deference to Thor of course). The engineer may protest, but when you're carrying a hammer they're unlikely to take it any further.

2. Another good way is to tie your equipment to the back of your car and drag it down the highway. It would be wise to do this on a relatively unused road. If you're confident in your driving abilities it might also help to swerve wildly.

3. If you still cannot achieve the desired sound, then you should stab your equipment repeatedly with a large knife.

I'm self produced so it's no issue. Fanks!

Not at all. It is my pleasure to assist upcoming musicians. May Odin give you luck.

Any words for your jewish fans?

So, ever fucked a black chick?

You are only asking cause you never will. ;)

Quiet, Mexican.

Not consensually, anyway.

Very True.

No.

That is a rather inappropriate question, my friend, but in the interest of full disclosure, then yes, I did once succumb to my baser desires and engage in the love that dare not speak its name. That is all I will say on the matter.

Hot.

Varg, any plans for releasing more shit tier ambient music or??

I am actually quite proud of those albums, but I would just ask you to remember that I had limited resources while recording them, as I was in prison. For murder.

Grown men playing dress up and engaging in macho posturing are worthy only of my contempt.

Does your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard?

Dirty spotted.

I'm thinking about going pillaging and plundering. Is there anything I should remember to bring?

Hi Varg. Why did you use the American spelling 'colored' in the title instead of 'coloured' considering that you're not American?