Dear Chula,

I read the work manual and it said I can't fart in front of staff and clients. With having IBS how will I prevent this?

Sincerely,

Vanilla the farting gun.

Dear VTFG,

Request a desk as close to the bathroom as possible. Also, wear three pair of undies to improve the filtering and sound isolation.

100% cotton of course.

Happy to be a hemisphere away,

Chula

I told my best mate that I'm ****ed. My underwear has holes in them...now I think I've made the connection.

Dear Chula,

I don't fancy Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith much, but everyone else really seems to love them. If I wanted to get to know them both a little better, which albums/songs should I start with?

Sincerely,
Suzy Creamcheese

Dear Chula

I farted while sitting in a chair, and it made a loud screeching sound, like Nicholas Cage.
What are the chances of something like this happening again?

More importantly, is it music?

Dear Suzy,

With Aerosmith it's easy. Pick up Rocks.

Amazon.com: Aerosmith: Rocks: Music

With Zeppelin it's harder since the band evolved a lot with each album. I guess Mothership would be the best way to go.

Amazon.com: Led Zeppelin: Mothership 2CD/1DVD: Music

Oh, by the way, what the f*ck is wrong with you not liking these two classics??

Seriously perplexed,

Chula

Dear Didn't Sign Your F*cking Name A$$hat,

First we had "the six degrees of Kevin Bacon". Now we have "the stinky breeze of Nick Cage".

Yes, it's music to your ears at least.

Enough with the flatulence,

Chula

Dear Chula,

My butt itches. How do I scratch it without getting stinky digits?

Best regards,
Brownfinger

Dear Stinky Digit,

http://i.imgur.com/qEKuyLr.jpg

Shouldn't try at home,

Chula

O great Cthulha,

How can I stay King of the Hill when Plankton keeps farting there?

Regards,
Castro