Dear Chula, [advice column]

Carpe Mortem · 11-11-2014, 04:22 PM

O Wise Chula,

I'm a single, lonely man who meets a lot of interesting people, and have the option of banging a really hot chick who has a penis, or a bodybuilding hairy man with a vagina. Which would better maintain my heterosexual persuasion?

Sincerely,

Dennis Reynolds

Chula Vista · 11-11-2014, 04:37 PM

Dear Dennis,

Best bet would be to hook both of them up for some sweaty grinding on a faux leather loveseat and then you just film them from a safe distance.

In black and white of course using soft focus.

Gotta stay classy.

Waiting on a sex tape,

Chula

RoxyRollah · 11-11-2014, 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chula vista

dear

stop and realize that no one is going to die today because of your actions or in-actions.

I assume that this is a true statement?

It is, isn't it?

roxy?

Roxy???????

nope, no body count yet, yet...

Chula Vista · 11-21-2014, 08:33 PM

Chula's advise for the day.

a) Staying really angry at someone is basically letting them live rent free inside of your head. Let it (them) go.

b) Did you kill anyone today? No? Then it was a good day. Years back I use to take my work home and let it eat me up. Then a story broke about SUV tires exploding and people dying in crashes. Seems a tire QC guy somewhere was alerted that a batch of tires were not so good. He made the decision to ship them anyway and people died.

In the moment it took to read the story my job all of a sudden became pretty f*cking menial.

c) Whether you know it or not there's people somewhere who really love you and would be absolutely shattered if you were no longer here. Like knife in the gut shattered. Think about that every day. And then reach out to them and talk.

**Frownland** · 11-21-2014, 08:42 PM

Uh oh, I guess it's been a bad day. A slow and painful bad day in my basement.

Isbjørn · 12-07-2014, 04:56 AM

Dear Chula,

I listened to Watain, and now my earwax is jet black. Should I see a doctor?

-Gilbert Grape

Chula Vista · 12-07-2014, 09:45 AM

Dear Gilbert,

Just change your avatar to something cool and everything will be ok.

din avatar är inte bra

Waiting on a better avatar

Chula

Pet_Sounds · 12-07-2014, 09:49 AM

Dear Chula,

Did you just speak Elvish?

Sincerely,
Toucan Sam

Chula Vista · 12-07-2014, 09:52 AM

Dear Toucan,

You ain't nothing but a hound dog.

Chula

DwnWthVwls · 12-07-2014, 12:26 PM

Dear Chula,

Is spit the best lube?

Sincerely,
O-face

11-11-2014, 04:22 PM	#31 (permalink)
Carpe Mortem Crusher of tiny Nords Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Ugly Bag of Mostly Water Posts: 1,363	O Wise Chula, I'm a single, lonely man who meets a lot of interesting people, and have the option of banging a really hot chick who has a penis, or a bodybuilding hairy man with a vagina. Which would better maintain my heterosexual persuasion? Sincerely, Dennis Reynolds __________________ [SIG][/SIG] Mirth is King Be Loving & Open With My Emotions

11-11-2014, 04:37 PM	#32 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Dear Dennis, Best bet would be to hook both of them up for some sweaty grinding on a faux leather loveseat and then you just film them from a safe distance. In black and white of course using soft focus. Gotta stay classy. Waiting on a sex tape, Chula __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

11-21-2014, 08:33 PM	#34 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Chula's advise for the day. a) Staying really angry at someone is basically letting them live rent free inside of your head. Let it (them) go. b) Did you kill anyone today? No? Then it was a good day. Years back I use to take my work home and let it eat me up. Then a story broke about SUV tires exploding and people dying in crashes. Seems a tire QC guy somewhere was alerted that a batch of tires were not so good. He made the decision to ship them anyway and people died. In the moment it took to read the story my job all of a sudden became pretty f*cking menial. c) Whether you know it or not there's people somewhere who really love you and would be absolutely shattered if you were no longer here. Like knife in the gut shattered. Think about that every day. And then reach out to them and talk. __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

11-21-2014, 08:42 PM	#35 (permalink)
Frownland SOPHIE FOREVER Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: East of the Southern North American West Posts: 35,541	Uh oh, I guess it's been a bad day. A slow and painful bad day in my basement. __________________ Studies show that when a given norm is changed in the face of the unchanging, the remaining contradictions will parallel the truth. d e a f b o x

12-07-2014, 04:56 AM	#36 (permalink)
Isbjørn cooler commie than elph Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: In a hole, help Posts: 2,811	Dear Chula, I listened to Watain, and now my earwax is jet black. Should I see a doctor? -Gilbert Grape __________________ fast(ml) Hear me play the guitar Look, mom! I got a journal

12-07-2014, 09:45 AM	#37 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Dear Gilbert, Just change your avatar to something cool and everything will be ok. din avatar är inte bra Waiting on a better avatar Chula __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

12-07-2014, 09:49 AM	#38 (permalink)
Pet_Sounds Remember the underscore Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: The other side Posts: 2,488	Dear Chula, Did you just speak Elvish? Sincerely, Toucan Sam __________________ Everybody's dying just to get the disease

12-07-2014, 09:52 AM	#39 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Dear Toucan, You ain't nothing but a hound dog. Chula __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”