O Wise Chula,

I'm a single, lonely man who meets a lot of interesting people, and have the option of banging a really hot chick who has a penis, or a bodybuilding hairy man with a vagina. Which would better maintain my heterosexual persuasion?

Sincerely,

Dennis Reynolds

Dear Dennis,

Best bet would be to hook both of them up for some sweaty grinding on a faux leather loveseat and then you just film them from a safe distance.

In black and white of course using soft focus.

Gotta stay classy.

Waiting on a sex tape,

Chula

nope, no body count yet, yet...

Chula's advise for the day.

a) Staying really angry at someone is basically letting them live rent free inside of your head. Let it (them) go.

b) Did you kill anyone today? No? Then it was a good day. Years back I use to take my work home and let it eat me up. Then a story broke about SUV tires exploding and people dying in crashes. Seems a tire QC guy somewhere was alerted that a batch of tires were not so good. He made the decision to ship them anyway and people died.

In the moment it took to read the story my job all of a sudden became pretty f*cking menial.

c) Whether you know it or not there's people somewhere who really love you and would be absolutely shattered if you were no longer here. Like knife in the gut shattered. Think about that every day. And then reach out to them and talk.

Uh oh, I guess it's been a bad day. A slow and painful bad day in my basement.

Dear Chula,

I listened to Watain, and now my earwax is jet black. Should I see a doctor?

-Gilbert Grape

Dear Gilbert,

Just change your avatar to something cool and everything will be ok.

din avatar är inte bra

Waiting on a better avatar

Chula

Dear Chula,

Did you just speak Elvish?

Sincerely,
Toucan Sam

Dear Toucan,

You ain't nothing but a hound dog.

Chula

Dear Chula,

Is spit the best lube?

Sincerely,
O-face