Dear Chula, [advice column]

Trollheart · 11-09-2014, 12:17 PM

Not only him. Case in point: one album review Urban made consisted of the word "shit" only. He later amended this to "Really shit" and then "No, really really shit." See? You can say it in a few words.

Seriously, I think it would be something you'd be really good at.

Cheers.

Someone who definitely is not Trollheart, but sure sounds like him ... and is apparently using his credit card...

Chula Vista · 11-09-2014, 12:22 PM

Dear SWDISNTBSSLHAIAUHCC,

I've submitted a journal entry and am awaiting mod approval.

It's a bit on the heavier side so I'm not sure if it's going to fly.

HKJHKRBVKUBWKRBCKW,

Chula

Plankton · 11-11-2014, 10:37 AM

Dear Chulio,

I'm having trouble figuring out a Jason Becker song. I mean, I can throw my guitar down the stairs and it makes a similar sound, but I want to learn how to play it exactly like it sounds on the record. Any advise?

Signed: Paul Gilbert

Chula Vista · 11-11-2014, 11:08 AM

Dear Paul,

Why not do the same thing you did at that NAMM jam many years back when you had the daunting task of having to follow Shawn Lane's solo - just scream into your pickups. (true story)

Faithfully yours,
Don Chulio

Plankton · 11-11-2014, 11:12 AM

Dear Chulio,

Thats pretty ****in funny.

Signed: Bloody Stumps

Chula Vista · 11-11-2014, 11:16 AM

Dear Stumps,

FF to 5:25 to get to Lane's solo. Check out the looks on the faces of Reb Beach and Andy Timmons! Paul Gilbert immediately follows Lane.

(crappy video and audio but still cool that it's documented)

Isbjørn · 11-11-2014, 11:20 AM

Dear Chula,

When I put my face into the mustard jar and take a deep breath, my nose starts hurting like hell. Why is that?

-Gooflesh10

Chula Vista · 11-11-2014, 11:24 AM

Dear -Gooflesh10

Well, the long answer is:

The material in question is called ALLYL ISOTHIOCYANATE. Roughly, it looks
like this:

CH2==CH-CH2-N==C==S

It is usually found in "hot" mustard and in horseradish. It is an oily
compound that vaporizes rather easily (vapor pressure 5 mm Hg at 25 deg C).
Like the "hot oils" found in peppers, which are generally capsaicins and
related compounds, allyl isothiocyanate is very irritating to mucous
membranes, and for some reason many of us like it. The difference, though,
is in its volatility, which is to say, how fast it vaporizes on your tongue.

When you chew spicy food the oil is released. Capsaicins are not very
volatile and thus tend to stick to your tongue. That is why Mexican food
and other pepper-spicy foods mostly burn the tongue and throat. Allyl
isothiocyanate evaporates more readily on your tongue and floats its way up
into your sinuses (yes, as a gas), which is why both your mouth and nose
burn when you eat something with horseradish or mustard in it.

The short answer is:

You're an idiot.

Adios,

Chula

RoxyRollah · 11-11-2014, 11:29 AM

Dear Chula,

How does one stop a ****ty day from getting worse!?

Chula Vista · 11-11-2014, 11:35 AM

Dear

Stop and realize that no one is going to die today because of your actions or in-actions.

I assume that this is a true statement?

It is, isn't it?

Roxy?

ROXY???????

11-09-2014, 12:17 PM	#21 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,992	Not only him. Case in point: one album review Urban made consisted of the word "shit" only. He later amended this to "Really shit" and then "No, really really shit." See? You can say it in a few words. Seriously, I think it would be something you'd be really good at. Cheers. Someone who definitely is not Trollheart, but sure sounds like him ... and is apparently using his credit card... __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

11-09-2014, 12:22 PM	#22 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Dear SWDISNTBSSLHAIAUHCC, I've submitted a journal entry and am awaiting mod approval. It's a bit on the heavier side so I'm not sure if it's going to fly. HKJHKRBVKUBWKRBCKW, Chula __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

11-11-2014, 10:37 AM	#23 (permalink)
Plankton Just Keep Swimming... Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: See signature... Posts: 7,765	Dear Chulio, I'm having trouble figuring out a Jason Becker song. I mean, I can throw my guitar down the stairs and it makes a similar sound, but I want to learn how to play it exactly like it sounds on the record. Any advise? Signed: Paul Gilbert __________________ See location...

11-11-2014, 11:08 AM	#24 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Dear Paul, Why not do the same thing you did at that NAMM jam many years back when you had the daunting task of having to follow Shawn Lane's solo - just scream into your pickups. (true story) Faithfully yours, Don Chulio __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

11-11-2014, 11:12 AM	#25 (permalink)
Plankton Just Keep Swimming... Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: See signature... Posts: 7,765	Dear Chulio, Thats pretty ****in funny. Signed: Bloody Stumps __________________ See location...

11-11-2014, 11:16 AM	#26 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Dear Stumps, FF to 5:25 to get to Lane's solo. Check out the looks on the faces of Reb Beach and Andy Timmons! Paul Gilbert immediately follows Lane. (crappy video and audio but still cool that it's documented) __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

11-11-2014, 11:20 AM	#27 (permalink)
Isbjørn cooler commie than elph Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: In a hole, help Posts: 2,811	Dear Chula, When I put my face into the mustard jar and take a deep breath, my nose starts hurting like hell. Why is that? -Gooflesh10 __________________ fast(ml) Hear me play the guitar Look, mom! I got a journal

11-11-2014, 11:24 AM	#28 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Dear -Gooflesh10 Well, the long answer is: The material in question is called ALLYL ISOTHIOCYANATE. Roughly, it looks like this: CH2==CH-CH2-N==C==S It is usually found in "hot" mustard and in horseradish. It is an oily compound that vaporizes rather easily (vapor pressure 5 mm Hg at 25 deg C). Like the "hot oils" found in peppers, which are generally capsaicins and related compounds, allyl isothiocyanate is very irritating to mucous membranes, and for some reason many of us like it. The difference, though, is in its volatility, which is to say, how fast it vaporizes on your tongue. When you chew spicy food the oil is released. Capsaicins are not very volatile and thus tend to stick to your tongue. That is why Mexican food and other pepper-spicy foods mostly burn the tongue and throat. Allyl isothiocyanate evaporates more readily on your tongue and floats its way up into your sinuses (yes, as a gas), which is why both your mouth and nose burn when you eat something with horseradish or mustard in it. The short answer is: You're an idiot. Adios, Chula __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

11-11-2014, 11:35 AM	#30 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Dear Stop and realize that no one is going to die today because of your actions or in-actions. I assume that this is a true statement? It is, isn't it? Roxy? ROXY??????? __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”