Dear Chula, [advice column]

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 01-08-2015, 06:02 PM

Dear Chula,

What would be the most creative way to kill Kayne West and Kim Kardashian?

Sincerely,

James Franco and humans with intelligence.

~~Varg da Viking~~ · 01-08-2015, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plankton

A retort:

Dear Chula,

The people that will be there are more partial to Hendrix. Should I put a cross on the roof, and play the dual role of Varg and Jimi, since the place is old, and the house (read church after I put the cross on the roof) will most likely burst into flames?

Combustibly,

Guitarded.

Dear Guitarded,

Is the venue built on an old pagan site of worship? If not then you would be committing simple vandalism. If so, burn that ****er to the ground in the name of Odin.

Arsonally yours,

Varg

Chula Vista · 01-08-2015, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DwnWthVwls

Dear Chula,

How much is too much?

Sincerely,
Cum Everywhere

Dear ****,

$2,417.32 USD

I feel dirty,
Chula

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plankton

Dear Chula,

I took your advise. I have no idea what it means but I kept saying it over and over, like you said. I am now blind folded and being taken somewhere in the back of some kind of military vehicle. I know this because the engine sounds exactly like a deuce and a half like the ones we used in the Army, and I occasionally hear the squawk of some type of two-way radio. How can I inform my friends that I don't think I'll be able to make the party on Saturday?

TellMyDaughterI'llWrite,

WhereTheFuckAmIGoing.

Sent to you from my Tracfone I had up my butt.

Dear Stinky Phone,

It was nice knowing you for this short while.

Peace out,
Chula

Quote:

Originally Posted by Briks

Dear Chula,

Some dude on the internet called me a Nazi. Should I send him to a concentration camp, or would that give people the wrong idea?

Sincerely,
Not Alan

Dear Joseph,

Eat a brat while imagining it's his schwanz.

Chew well,
Chula

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanilla

Dear Chula,

What would be the most creative way to kill Kayne West and Kim Kardashian?

Sincerely,

James Franco and humans with intelligence.

Dear Jimmy,

Splintered,
Chula

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 01-10-2015, 12:10 AM

I like the way you think boy!

The Batlord · 01-10-2015, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanilla

I like the way you think boy!

Carpe Mortem · 01-16-2015, 05:35 PM

Need some serious 'experienced mature person' advice from ya here, dude. I got this new job, and get along pretty awesome with everyone, including my manager. But the more the owner and I bond (him and I are cut from the same cloth in many ways), the more passive aggressive she's getting, and I'm starting to feel like she's threatened.

No cockiness here, just straight up truth, I'm smarter than her. She's more experienced in this field but I'm picking up quickly and know more on the computer than her. In addition, she finds the owner intimidating, and I think he's just a great dude I have no problems talking to. How do I act to maintain my work ethic and simultaneously keep her comfortable enough to be cool with me? I've just been pretending like I'm less intelligent than I am when we talk and ignore her occasional cattiness.

Signed,
Dis bitch

Chula Vista · 01-16-2015, 06:11 PM

Dear Bitch,

To be clear, the woman is your manager? Has she been there a lot longer than you? How large is the company - number of employees. How many of those employees does she manage? How old is your manager and the owner? Is your manager decent looking?

Sorry for so many questions but I need more info to hopefully be able to provide some advice.

More to follow,
Chula

Carpe Mortem · 01-16-2015, 06:48 PM

Manager is a late 30s female, been there a few years. Doesn't really manage anyone, small company and everyone kinda has other unrelated duties as she works exclusively in one side of the biz. I was hired as receptionist/ her assistant, owner realized my potential and will be hiring someone else so I can work completely doing more important things. So now she's basically my mentor. We get along great, she thinks I'm hilarious, but I worry my confidence and being trained in things a previous housewife doesn't know as thoroughly is taking its toll on this single mother.

Signed,
May B. Imparanoyd

Chula Vista · 01-16-2015, 06:57 PM

Dear IthinkUR Beingparanoid,

Just keep being respectful and nice to her. But don't be shy about shining, as long as it's not at her direct expense. You've already made an impression so you don't have to try too extra hard. Just keep doing what you're doing.

Congrats BTW,
Chula

ladyislingering · 01-17-2015, 10:03 PM

Dear Chula,

Jessie is a friend. He's a good friend of mine.

He's been a little weird lately. He's got a new girl.

And I kind of have a crush on her.

The way she looks at him...

The way I'm almost certain she holds him...

Makes me so fucking hot.

Where can I find a woman like that?

Sincerely,

Rick Springfield

01-08-2015, 06:02 PM	#141 (permalink)
Scarlett O'Hara Make it so Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 6,181	Dear Chula, What would be the most creative way to kill Kayne West and Kim Kardashian? Sincerely, James Franco and humans with intelligence. __________________ "Elph is truly an enfant terrible of the forum, bless and curse him" - Marie, Queen of Thots

01-10-2015, 12:10 AM	#144 (permalink)
Scarlett O'Hara Make it so Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 6,181	I like the way you think boy! __________________ "Elph is truly an enfant terrible of the forum, bless and curse him" - Marie, Queen of Thots

01-16-2015, 05:35 PM	#146 (permalink)
Carpe Mortem Crusher of tiny Nords Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Ugly Bag of Mostly Water Posts: 1,363	Need some serious 'experienced mature person' advice from ya here, dude. I got this new job, and get along pretty awesome with everyone, including my manager. But the more the owner and I bond (him and I are cut from the same cloth in many ways), the more passive aggressive she's getting, and I'm starting to feel like she's threatened. No cockiness here, just straight up truth, I'm smarter than her. She's more experienced in this field but I'm picking up quickly and know more on the computer than her. In addition, she finds the owner intimidating, and I think he's just a great dude I have no problems talking to. How do I act to maintain my work ethic and simultaneously keep her comfortable enough to be cool with me? I've just been pretending like I'm less intelligent than I am when we talk and ignore her occasional cattiness. Signed, Dis bitch __________________ [SIG][/SIG] Mirth is King Be Loving & Open With My Emotions

01-16-2015, 06:11 PM	#147 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Dear Bitch, To be clear, the woman is your manager? Has she been there a lot longer than you? How large is the company - number of employees. How many of those employees does she manage? How old is your manager and the owner? Is your manager decent looking? Sorry for so many questions but I need more info to hopefully be able to provide some advice. More to follow, Chula __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

01-16-2015, 06:48 PM	#148 (permalink)
Carpe Mortem Crusher of tiny Nords Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: Ugly Bag of Mostly Water Posts: 1,363	Manager is a late 30s female, been there a few years. Doesn't really manage anyone, small company and everyone kinda has other unrelated duties as she works exclusively in one side of the biz. I was hired as receptionist/ her assistant, owner realized my potential and will be hiring someone else so I can work completely doing more important things. So now she's basically my mentor. We get along great, she thinks I'm hilarious, but I worry my confidence and being trained in things a previous housewife doesn't know as thoroughly is taking its toll on this single mother. Signed, May B. Imparanoyd __________________ [SIG][/SIG] Mirth is King Be Loving & Open With My Emotions

01-16-2015, 06:57 PM	#149 (permalink)
Chula Vista Toasted Poster Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: SoCal by way of Boston Posts: 11,332	Dear IthinkUR Beingparanoid, Just keep being respectful and nice to her. But don't be shy about shining, as long as it's not at her direct expense. You've already made an impression so you don't have to try too extra hard. Just keep doing what you're doing. Congrats BTW, Chula __________________ “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”

01-17-2015, 10:03 PM	#150 (permalink)
ladyislingering Maelian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Seattle Posts: 695	Dear Chula, Jessie is a friend. He's a good friend of mine. He's been a little weird lately. He's got a new girl. And I kind of have a crush on her. The way she looks at him... The way I'm almost certain she holds him... Makes me so fucking hot. Where can I find a woman like that? Sincerely, Rick Springfield __________________ You and I, We were born to die.