Last time I reply to an unsigned letter damn it!

Acoustic guitar.

Dunno how old she is. Knowing you I feel I should clarify- she's in college.

I assumed it was an age thing, but I was just being myself.

Dear Chula

My guitar doesn't work very well as an axe. Why?

-Neil Nosepicker

I'm just gonna rewind a bit for a minute and ask what raw veganism has to do with drinking... I mean, besides the fact that there's remnants of beetles and animal fat in certain cheap wines and beers respectively.

That's the point.

Ah, okay. Yeah it took me a minute to clue into that. I it's actually only a very few brands that do that though, most of which I either don't drink or aren't available in my area. I actually completely forgot about that though, damn. I'm kinda surprised it's legal for breweries not to notify their consumers about that kinda stuff though. Not just for vegetarians but religious peeps who don't eat pork or beef, too. Weak.

Dear Chula,

I've got a half-centimeter long, quarter-centimeter wide strip of skin that runs from the glans of my penis to the underside of the shaft that has a space I could stick a pencil through (I've tested it). What is your advice on that concerning the ladies?

Sincerely,

Probably a botched circumcision

Dear Chula.

I've got a party to play this weekend, and I'll be hosting the open mic portion. Do I bring my ****ty guitar or break out the good stuff?

Twitchingly,

Chinese Finger Trap

Dear Neil,

Stop picking your nose and get to filing down the edges of your guitar.

Regards,
Chula

Dear Deformed Dick,

Just get an aluminum hollow earring put in. Something tells me the ladies would dig the added sensation.

Best regards,
Chula

Dear Von Trap,

Bring the ****ty one and pull a Townsend at the end of the set.

Sincerest regards,
Chula