"Yoo whats up?"

My cousin is hysterical. He was late this morning so I told him he needs a better alarm. He suggested a baboon alarm. Then he sent me this...

"Are you super lazy? Do you have problems waking up after too much partying? Do you just simply want a better alarm? Hi, Dick Nutsack here with the Baboon Alarm. It's a pet and alarm all in one. The baboon has been specially trained to wake your ass up guaranteed. The secret is the shock collar that you set to the time you want to wake up. Once that thing goes off your baboon is sure to go ape sh*t. What kind of assh*le could sleep through that? It's guaranteed to get your ass out of bed. But that's not all! It will also make you breakfast, wear funny hats, throw poop at your enemies, and you can even have sex with it. The Baboon Alarm is not sold in stores. If you order through this special TV offer you will receive one poop guard for your mouth as a free gift. Don't be fooled by imitation "monkey alarms" These are poor quality and don't have funny colored butts. Order now for the low low price of one single large blood diamond and the Baboon Alarm ill be on its way. What do you have to lose?"

Baboons aren't apes.

Correct they are Arabian and African Old World Monkeys.

Potato Potahto.

I have never met anyone who pronounces potato as potahto nor have I met anyone who has met someone who pronounces potato as potahto. I am unconvinced anyone actually calls potatoes potahtoes. I'm pretty sure it's a flat out myth really.

No that is how I say it.













u mad?http://guycodeblog.mtv.com/wp-conten...11/03/puke.gif

You are full of lies, Rezz. So many lies.

Is she vomiting silly putty?

Yes. She ate a ton of silly putty before she got on the ride.

On a similar note:

http://media.giphy.com/media/zKoT0wi1Hmp9e/giphy.gif

A potato is a potato. A baboon is not an ape.

I think it's a British thing.

"i'm, obsessing, i need a reading"

Chakra?

Tarot!

Hail Satan! :)

You're fired

Wait...
Me or you?

me

They fired you via text? *******s.

"I'll try to be a good boy for you"

someone learnt fast

"We had fun on a tree once :D"
.... a tree?
"Yeah, was pretty hard"

"Are you free to jam today?"

I took the bait of course.

Happy Birthday! Beer, bourbon, fireworks, or all three? Also LOL you got trolled, did you actually think you weren't going to be able to go?

want to get married?

"They gonna have a turtle ice sculpture for the wedding"

my mom talking about my brothers wedding. criiiiiiiiiiiinge. If I'm expected to go all the way back to that shithole to sit through that cheesefest there better be an open bar.

"well that's good! lol"

"you guys are on different frequencies bruh. Open up your ports and she will fill them. Giver her a bit. She will cuddle harder than any kitten, due to neglect from previous owners."

My friend trying to justify why we should let his cat move in with us

"my cervix is flapping in the wind...."

That's a pretty disturbing image.

That's what I thought..

"Ok x"

That wasn't from me!


whore....

I hope it didn't look like this.


http://www.rynekinfrastruktury.pl/pu...1675919e65.jpg

Oh sh*t.

Dear God I hope not! Should I ask the sender...

"I have to wake up in six hours"

Oops.

;)

"You gonna hang tonight David Carradine?"

It's funny cause he died from autoerotic asphyxiation.

Friend: "I got a new job working on drones."
Me: "No way! Congrats man, I have a few albums you should listen to in that case."