Would you Change for someone?
 

As the title says, Would you change for a special someone?

By that i don't just mean a BF or GF but also friends, just somebody who is important to you but has a different set of values that may force you to compromise yours just to get along.

I ask this because i know not everybody is the same, some ppl are not willing to budge on anything, accept me for who i am or f*ck off but others know when to compromise for the sake of a greater good that will unite you both

What a person compromises or doesn't, depends on the person,
i for exmpl could give up smoking for a girl if i like her enough, or maybe not smoke around her out of respect and even wash my mouth just to kiss her, i can live with that small change.

However if she a stuck up non smoker who looks down smokers without showing any sympathy or budging an inch i would think twice about being with her and question her tolerance.

A better way of rephrasing this question is, What would change for someone or what would you never change for someone?

I would change small things, such as bad habits, and such, yes. Major personality changes though? Probably not. Aside from working on my somewhat quick at times temper.

I've been in a relationship for a year and a half with my current girlfriend, and I've made small changes throughout the relationship, and so has she. And I've worked on the aforementioned temper issues; And have gotten much better control over it now.

Honestly though, I find myself wanting to change these things that I see in myself to make myself better for her. Personality wise, I am the same person I was before we started dating, though.

As for changing for someone I'm not in a relationship with, I'm not sure. I guess if I smoked I could be respectable and not smoke around people, yes. When I'm around people who don't cuss, I try to not cuss, and so forth.

Changing for a "special someone" fits securely into the "things I will never have to worry about" column.

Pretty much this. There's always room for improvement and if I was doing something that hurt a person I love, I'd change it. There are certain aspects of my personality I can't change. My deeply ingrained values and beliefs will probably never change. However, I'd do what I could to be as respectful to someone as possible in those instances.

Small changes are necessary to make relationships work, platonic or romantic. It's really about picking your battles.

People who let themselves be changed too much end up resentful or just plain unhappy. And people who refuse to change for anyone end up lonely because nobody's ****in perfect.

Sabbath anyone?

@Cicatrice

You know what is good? even if you leave that relationship that compromise stays with you, somewhere along the lines you recognise it makes you a better person and it stays with you.

I haven't many relationships but the ones i had teached me alot.

One thing i can't change is my sense of humour,
If a girl doesn't get mine and i don't get hers i highly doubt it's gonna work out between us.

Same with friends, i can a handle a different kind of humour if interacts well with mine, but i can't handle one that negates it.

**** no.

Picking your battles, exactly! I try to tell my boyfriend all the time that sometimes you just have to let things go. Arguing and debating come naturally to him so he clings to an argument thinking that if he just repeats his point by point analysis over and over I'll eventually succumb to his superior logic. The concept of agreeing to disagree is completely foreign to him and it frequently drives me crazy.

had an argument with a girlfriend once about this. we both wanted each other to change. i started changin little thing bout me. my routine changed and i didnt mind at all to be honest. but the thing was that i asked her to change too. so one night after raucous exhausting sex in which i pleasured her immensely to the brink of nearly passing out, i knew we had to have a talk about these changes i was making and the ones she wasnt.

i said i see no changes, wake up in the morning and i ask myself
is this relationship worth havin or should i free myself
im tired of bein mad and even worse im sad
my stomach hurts so im lookin for some pepto bismol

:rofl:

That part cracked me up.

No.

I'm reckless, self destructive, and I drink too much. I also love too much. Take it or leave it.

Butthead kind of got it. Only little things and only if it was reciprocated.

No, I would not change. Would attempt to understand/accommodate for the other and if I could I would. That's not a change.

I'd try to change as many of my flaws as possible. If it's someone you care about, you want them to feel good around you, right? Right.
But if the relationship pushes you to be something you're not, I suggest you drop it right there. It's not healthy. Better to be alone in an empty place than to be in a minefield.

If you end up comprising, those little things that you changed will always become an issue later on with fights. You will end up resenting the person and using it as leverage in those arguments. Not worth it.

For those lookin for relationship advice here on mb please take djs advice then forget about it abd do the complete opposite

I think Andrew WK has an excellent grasp on this subject, although the premise is a bit off topic, the message is clear:

http://i539.photobucket.com/albums/f...ps215266a5.jpg

no, I'm perfect

Small changes, for sure. I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now and yeah, we have each made some small changes in our habits or behaviours in order to get along better with each other. It's also important to know when to let things go and not to nitpick constantly or be demanding and nag all the time. That's annoying and doesn't accomplish anything.

I'm not going to expect him to give up on his dreams and life goals, just because they may not suit ME. I probably wouldn't even want to be in a long relationship with somebody who was heading in a completely different direction in life, though.

As for friendships, I make friends with people who have similar interests and hobbies, and I just avoid the people who don't fit my kind of lifestyle.

No, if they don't like what I got to offer, they can go look for something else. :)

Yeah. Don't listen to me. Take the great sagely advice of butthead MB's Dr. Phil.:rolleyes:

Your assessment was spot on DJ. Dr Phil would have been proud.

Is it accurate to say that ppl who aren't willing to compromise will probably be single forever?

if not single, never have a long term relationship?

I personally can't be with a person that is not willing to compromise anything, that person is gonna run the relationship cause they don't f*ckin budge, how can a lover do that?

I don't think a person can love if he doesn't compromise somethings, it seems like loving himself more than loving the other person.

The only way i could ever see it working is if they find a person with his exact set of values and even then neither of them budge so if a problem rises, how will they stay together?

I'm more springer or povich than dr phil. Learnin to compromise is prob one of the most important things in a relationship lol

Yeah it would be hard to be in a relationship with somebody who refuses to compromise on some things or if you yourself refuse to compromise. There are some things that cannot be compromised on, though. Like children. I want children so if I was with a guy who didn't want them, I would dump him because we would be wasting each other's time. You can't have half a kid, lol.

I dunno if I'd say they'll always be single or will never have long term relationships, but I'd say they'll have a lot of difficulty in their relationships. People like that have a tendency to drive others away.

This exactly. I've never asked or expected anyone to change for me either. The farthest I've taken it is "don't take too many shots tonight so we can have sex later."

I absolutely agree with this. In the past I have tried to change things for a guy but in the past few years I have realised that it's not worth it. It can be too one sided. So basically, a guy has to accept me for who I am and to figure out whether I'm the person he wants. I'm not one of these people that have to always be in relationships so I don't really mind being picky. I think that there are men out there that want to control you. If you let them do it you mind up being in a horrible situation later on. :jailed:

The thing is, especially in long term relationships... people tend to change on their own over the years anyways. Might as well make it look like their idea and earn some brownie points haha.

For instance, I no longer drink every day because my bf asked me to cut down. And I gotta say even though I bitched up a storm because I was an alcoholic when we met, I'm thankful, and he thinks I made some huge sacrifice.

That's good. If the person wants you to change for the better, than that's fine. Long as they don't demand you to get up off your damn ass and go to therapy 'cause that's just being an dick. But it's a good thing if they want to change you because they genuinely care and aren't just trying to mold you the way they want.

I guess that could be pretty damn subjective though, eh?

lmao I've had that happen but with pills

I chose pills ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Not sure I agree with the phrasing lol but just look at ppl unwilling to compromise... lack of relationships or unhealthy ones. Happens all the time. Just cones with bein selfish

If I met the right person, yeah I'd like to think that I would change a little or want to change.

There's a different implication when it comes to "changing" vs "bettering yourself." I was under the impression op intended to discuss the former.

I can dig that. I'm all for self improvement. I feel like I was a better person when I was younger. But there's always time to better yourself.

I'd change if I believed it was a change for the better, a change that improved my life. Otherwise, no.