tfw you roll out of bed and are already at work. :)

Tfw you roll out of bed and hit the floor.

Tfw you roll out of bed and you're like **** when's this molly gonna wear off it's been 26 hours.

Tfw you have a brief little baby meltdown because you thought you lost your favorite Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab perfume oil which is irreplaceable (as it's part of your mixture of 2 different perfume oils which create the exact smell of autumn), but it ended up just being in your tree bag along with all your other perfume vials.

.

It truly is; I highly recommend that company if you have any interest in nice smelling things whatsoever. It's not like the standard perfume you buy at the mall with alcohol in it and whatnot; they're amazingly blended oils and aren't overpowering at all. Their catalog is seriously incredible; they have oils that smell like old leather-bound books (!!!!!) and so many themed collections centering around everything from comic books/fantasy series to classical literature and mythological figures. (I'm their unofficial publicist now I guess.) As well as more niche collections inspired by paintings or specific literary characters. They have plenty of unisex/more masculine smelling oils too so really it's great for anyone. I have their catalog memorized so I can give recommendations easily for anyone who may want any in the future (which I doubt, but one can hope)

Today though I'm wearing one called Perversion (mixed with a tiny bit of mandrake root oil) : "Smoky rum and black tobacco with a whisper of steamy leather with a splash of crystalline chardonnay, layered over a sensual, sweet, and deceptively magnetic base of tonka." On me it mostly just smells sweet and creamy and mildly boozy with a tiiiny bit of leather + a really nice mild dirt-like earthy note.

I also have one called Nosferatu ("desiccated herbs and gritty earth brought to life with a swell of robust and sanguineous red wines") which smells amaaaaazing on men. Ugh.

Anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk, I apologize for that wall of text that is probably of no interest to anyone

Tfw you kind of want to just throw away all of your belongings and live alone in a sea cave forever

tfw you worked your ass off all week and now it's finally your day off and you decide to smoke a joint at 10am. this is going to be a fun day.

this is assuming i don't always start smoking at 10am.

Tfw you really desperately need to get back on ADHD meds but you're being needlessly stubborn due to this nonsensical voice in your head that says, "You'll feel good but it won't be real, you'll still have a broken brain and the moment you can't afford it anymore you'll lose anything you might have started" -- but it's seemingly the only thing you have tried that at least made you feel mentally present and somewhat tethered to the physical world and you fear if you don't do something now you'll just continue on forever in this state, feeling like a wisp of a thing, not feeling anything beyond a surface level (unless I seek out a certain kind of intensity and go over to the other extreme--there's little in between for me), everything just rolling off and around you until it all piles up and drowns you out of the blue later. It's been this way since I was a child and I feel it helped protect me from being utterly consumed by certain traumas, but I'm tired of it now-- it's like Anais Nin said, "The stars are pulling at my hair again" and I do not want to go. I miss my ex best friend-- she had the miraculous ability to keep me grounded + constantly make me laugh + serve as a creative catalyst of sorts (what is more wonderful than having a friend that's depressed in the exact same way and fully understands, with perfectly compatible neuroses? Its so much easier to go through depressive episodes with someone who finds joy in the same things you do; my real life friends are not on the same wavelength in that regard. I worry she was a unicorn in that way)

Anyway sorry for that completely incoherent blob of text

^ Few things in life are more disappointing than biting into an apple, expecting it to be crispy, and having it be a soft, mushy apple on the inside.