How well do you know your friends?

Ass Napkin Ed · 05-09-2013, 08:43 PM

Yeah this is gonna be on my mind for a while.

ladyislingering · 05-09-2013, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ass napkin ed

I Just found out one of my close friends is gay

and he still hasn't told me. I found out through a college friend of ours through fb for god sakes, smh.

It's 2013 for god sakes, why do gay ppl insist on remaining in the closet?

I can't tell if that disturbed you, but if it did, dude, get a grip. It's difficult for people to "come out of the closet" because it's a really personal thing, and they're never quite sure how their friends/family will react.

People are becoming more accepting and open-minded, but there's still too many bigots out there. Personally, I don't see why people get so weird around people who don't identify as cissexual or straight. If it really concerns them, they're obviously not friends. Friendship is about unconditional acceptance, respect, admiration. If you don't like your friend for who they are based on something that has nothing to do with you, you've got to get your priorities straight, man.

However, if the day comes when he comes out to you personally, I hope you'll be accepting of him. That's the most important thing. Can you imagine losing everyone who matters to you for no reason other than "they don't agree with my sexuality"? It's a terrifying thing for those living quietly with their secret. Your kindness toward him should not change. When he finally decides to "come out", he's going to need his closest friends more than ever.

Spoiler for mini-rant:

Ass Napkin Ed · 05-09-2013, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyislingering

I can't tell if that disturbed you, but if it did, dude, get a grip. It's difficult for people to "come out of the closet" because it's a really personal thing, and they're never quite sure how their friends/family will react.

People are becoming more accepting and open-minded, but there's still too many bigots out there. Personally, I don't see why people get so weird around people who don't identify as cissexual or straight. If it really concerns them, they're obviously not friends. Friendship is about unconditional acceptance, respect, admiration. If you don't like your friend for who they are based on something that has nothing to do with you, you've got to get your priorities straight, man.

However, if the day comes when he comes out to you personally, I hope you'll be accepting of him. That's the most important thing. Can you imagine losing everyone who matters to you for no reason other than "they don't agree with my sexuality"? It's a terrifying thing for those living quietly with their secret. Your kindness toward him should not change. When he finally decides to "come out", he's going to need his closest friends more than ever.

Spoiler for mini-rant:

I am disturbed that someone could put so much effort into faking their sexuality just to feel excepted by me, especially since I have no problems w/ gay ppl so what was the ****ing point & as I said b4 he actually was already out, just not to me apparently.

Let me make this clear, I don't care if he's gay. I do care that he was pretending to be straight when hanging out w/ me, I care that what ever trust our friendship was based on was lie. So when I say that I can't be friends w/ him it's not the gay thing it's the lying & living a triple life thing, nothing more.

P A N · 05-09-2013, 09:28 PM

i think you - ASS NAPKIN - need to consider what friends are.

one day you're gonna realize that the dude you used to call your friend was never your friend, and it's solely because you lack the depth of understanding and compassion necessary to maintain long-lasting relationships.

it's completely selfish of you to be reacting to this the way that you are.

ladyislingering · 05-09-2013, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ass napkin ed

I am disturbed that someone could put so much effort into faking their sexuality just to feel excepted by me, especially since I have no problems w/ gay ppl so what was the ****ing point & as I said b4 he actually was already out, just not to me apparently.

Let me make this clear, I don't care if he's gay. I do care that he was pretending to be straight when hanging out w/ me, I care that what ever trust our friendship was based on was lie. So when I say that I can't be friends w/ him it's not the gay thing it's the lying & living a triple life thing, nothing more.

It's a bit narcissistic to think he's keeping it to himself just so you'll accept him. He just isn't ready, or maybe he doesn't trust you enough just yet. I'm sure he's not looking for your approval, he probably just isn't ready. How does someone "pretend" to be straight, exactly? Is he all like "YEEAHHHHH TITS!" or something? I don't really understand.

If you think your friendship with him is contingent on his sexuality or how he portrays himself, .... I'm just at a loss for words right now. Human sexuality/human psychology (in fact) is a pretty fluid concept. There are no definite answers to anything - there's not even singular "answers" for anything.

Your friend's just not ready yet. Maybe you're a little aggressive or intimidating in some way. Or maybe you should sit down and talk with him, and just tell him that you heard some stuff and you just want him to know that it's totally ok if he doesn't want to talk about it, and that you support and accept him no matter what.

Sometimes you just have to reach out. The longer you let it go, the more awkward it's going to get. But if you're not ready and he's not ready, maybe it's just good to chill out about it for a while. Or you could just let it go, because he's your friend.

Ass Napkin Ed · 05-09-2013, 09:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by P A N

i think you - ASS NAPKIN - need to consider what friends are.

one day you're gonna realize that the dude you used to call your friend was never your friend, and it's solely

it's completely selfish of you to be reacting to this the way that you are.

"....because you lack the depth of understanding and compassion necessary to maintain long-lasting relationships."

Apparently you know a lot about me, even though I've had the same best friend since middle school who lives almost 5 minutes away, I have several close friends I still see regularly from undergrad. Personally I have too many friends and enough close friends to last a life time & if any of them ever dropped a secret like this on me I would wave them goodbye I have no time for ppl who are so worried about what others think about them that they can't live as themselves. Yes that might come off as cold but that is the type of person I am & I would say that any one who was/is really my friend knows that.

P A N · 05-09-2013, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ass napkin ed

if any of them ever dropped a secret like this on me I would wave them goodbye I have no time for ppl who are so worried about what others think about them that they can't live as themselves.

so this has nothing to do with the fact that he didn't tell you. it has to do with him deciding to not advertise his sexuality. you should inform all your friends of this. you know, so it's not a secret.

Ass Napkin Ed · 05-09-2013, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyislingering

It's a bit narcissistic to think he's keeping it to himself just so you'll accept him. He just isn't ready, or maybe he doesn't trust you enough just yet. I'm sure he's not looking for your approval, he probably just isn't ready. How does someone "pretend" to be straight, exactly? Is he all like "YEEAHHHHH TITS!" or something? I don't really understand.

If you think your friendship with him is contingent on his sexuality or how he portrays himself, .... I'm just at a loss for words right now. Human sexuality/human psychology (in fact) is a pretty fluid concept. There are no definite answers to anything - there's not even singular "answers" for anything.

Your friend's just not ready yet. Maybe you're a little aggressive or intimidating in some way. Or maybe you should sit down and talk with him, and just tell him that you heard some stuff and you just want him to know that it's totally ok if he doesn't want to talk about it, and that you support and accept him no matter what.

Sometimes you just have to reach out. The longer you let it go, the more awkward it's going to get. But if you're not ready and he's not ready, maybe it's just good to chill out about it for a while. Or you could just let it go, because he's your friend.

So you don't call having sex w/ women when you've already come out of the closet to some friends pretending to be straight, b/c I do.

I don't care if he's gay so my approval or not he should be who he is.

I already reached out, he has literally gone into hiding so I left it alone & like I said as far as I'm concerned this "friendship" is void, I'm just surprised of how little I could know about someone that was such a close friend.

This thread isn't about me excepting him being gay, it's about how little it turns out I know about ppl I call my friends.

Quote:

Originally Posted by P A N

so this has nothing to do with the fact that he didn't tell you. it has to do with him deciding to not advertise his sexuality. you should inform all your friends of this. you know, so it's not a secret.

No it's about me nothing who the hell I was friends w/ for several years

djchameleon · 05-09-2013, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by P A N

so this has nothing to do with the fact that he didn't tell you. it has to do with him deciding to not advertise his sexuality. you should inform all your friends of this. you know, so it's not a secret.

All his friends already know. He's the only one with the broken gaydar

P A N · 05-09-2013, 10:02 PM

funny as that is dj, i was actually saying he should inform his friends of this stringent code of his... the one where his rules (the ones that make him kind of a total douche) can't be broken.

05-09-2013, 08:43 PM	#31 (permalink)
Ass Napkin Ed Music Addict Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Nu Yuk Zity Posts: 57	Yeah this is gonna be on my mind for a while. __________________ I'll take the worst of Metallica, Kanye, Jay z, Journey & U2 over the "best" of Eminem, The Beatles, Nas and Elvis any day. It's simple math, genius at it's worst or trash at it's best.

05-09-2013, 09:28 PM	#34 (permalink)
P A N DO LIKE YOU. Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 629	i think you - ASS NAPKIN - need to consider what friends are. one day you're gonna realize that the dude you used to call your friend was never your friend, and it's solely because you lack the depth of understanding and compassion necessary to maintain long-lasting relationships. it's completely selfish of you to be reacting to this the way that you are.

05-09-2013, 10:02 PM	#40 (permalink)
P A N DO LIKE YOU. Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 629	funny as that is dj, i was actually saying he should inform his friends of this stringent code of his... the one where his rules (the ones that make him kind of a total douche) can't be broken.