The Relationship Thread.

[Oriphiel]

Originally Posted by The Batlord

Not saying what it is at this point, but I'm predicting something.

Yeah, me too. Hooray for skepticism!

[The Batlord]

Originally Posted by Oriphiel

Yeah, me too. Hooray for skepticism!

Hooray for a general mistrust in humanity bred by overuse of internet forums!

[Plankton]

Originally Posted by Fifty Foot Queenie

To be fair, the really effed up things he's done happen when I've made him angry. Sometimes his anger is totally legit - I've lied to him about parts of my past (issues with drugs, having an abortion), I've done things behind his back because I think his demands are unreasonable (like listening to music or drinking socially), and I've done some really stupid things that I try to hide once the mania passes and reality kicks in. The thing is, he's vicious when angry and some of the things he's done seem out of proportion to my crimes. He's set fire to things I cherish and put out the flames by urinating on them. He's sexually humiliated me and he's said some truly awful stuff too. But, I drove him to it. He's hacked my social media and read my journals, but I did the things he discovered so I can't get mad about the violation of privacy, even if the last time I made an entry was two years before we met. I'm really stupid and that frustrates him too. Basically, we probably wouldn't have the issues we do if I was a better girlfriend.

6 Common Obstacles in Couples Therapy | World of Psychology

My invoice is in the mail.

[VEGANGELICA]

Originally Posted by FETCHER.

I'm coming here to ask this because I'm not sure where else to go with it or who else I can ask the advice of.

My boyfriend has been messaging a few of his exes (which I don't mind too much) throughout the 2 years of our relationship, it's never regular contact but he left his Facebook on his PC last night and I read through his messages (which I know I definitely should NOT have done, I feel guilty for this) but he messaged his ex at 3am telling her she looked really well and she replied saying he looked swav too and then they were started the conversation, they were flirtatious or anything but they were definitely more friendly than in comfortable with. Considering if I get dressed up for a night out or dinner with him he doesn't tell me I look nice/beautiful anything this has annoyed me a considerable amount.

I don't know what I should do because I don't want to break my trust with him because I read his messages and end up falling out due to my own stupidity but I also want to make it clear that I'm not comfortable with them having a converaation other than a brief catch up.

I really don't know what to do and I'm at a loss here.

K, I've been thinking about your situation and advice I might give.

Summarizing the problem, it sounds like you are worried that your BF finds his ex-girlfriends more interesting or pretty than you since he has made efforts to contact them and doesn't contact you as often as you'd like when you are out alone, plus he doesn't compliment you when you dress up.

Your concern is understandable. On the other side of the issue, it *is* nice that he is on friendly terms with his ex-girlfriends, because it is great if a friendship survives a romantic breakup. But if he is rekindling romantic feelings for them, then of course you'd want to know and want that to stop.

If it is true that he really *isn't* that into you, then I feel it is better to find out sooner rather than later.

I recommend you talk with your BF about your worry that he may not find you as attractive or interesting as his ex-girlfriends, and rather than be accusatory or angry with him, simply describe your insecurities and fears.

Hopefully, he will respond by being understanding rather than defensive, and maybe he'll make more of an effort to contact you to hang out and compliment you because he genuinely feels you are attractive.

I feel it is best to be honest with him about your reading his Facebook messages, because I feel the best relationships are founded on honesty rather than being constructed on strategies ("If I hide this, then he'll do that, then I'll do this, etc.").

Telling the truth can be scary, because there is the very real risk that he might be upset that you read his Facebook messages since he happened to leave it open on the computer. (I'd be tempted, too.)

On the other hand, your boyfriend may really appreciate your honesty and realize that your curiosity was born out of concern because you don't want to lose him.

Summarizing, the best relationships are ones in which you both feel like you are being yourselves with each other and you feel happy that way, so it is best to show him who you really are: you feel worried, hurt, and possessive and are hoping he can offer you assurance and change some of his behaviors such that you feel more valued by him.

[WWWP]

Is becoming bored with your partner just a natural part of a long term relationship or is this as big a deal as it feels like?

[Chula Vista]

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

Is becoming bored with your partner just a natural part of a long term relationship or is this as big a deal as it feels like?

Yes and yes. And no and no.

[WWWP]

Originally Posted by Chula Vista

Yes and yes. And no and no.

Yeah that's pretty much where I'm stuck.

[Chula Vista]

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

Yeah that's pretty much where I'm stuck.

Don't try to pin it down. It's so fluid you have to allow it to run its course.

Then again, some relationships suck and you have to shoot them right in the head.

Without specifics it's impossible to comment intelligibly.

Well, hoped that helped!

Seriously, shoot me a PM if you want to chat.

[FRED HALE SR.]

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

Is becoming bored with your partner just a natural part of a long term relationship or is this as big a deal as it feels like?

Perfectly normal. Day to day swings are part of the deal. Inject a little enthusiasm into it with blowjob brunches.

[WWWP]

Originally Posted by FRED HALE SR.

Perfectly normal. Day to day swings are part of the deal. Inject a little enthusiasm into it with blowjob brunches.

Missed this yesterday - appreciate the input!

It just makes me feel like a ****ty person when I wake up in the morning thinking "oh, great, you again" about the man in my bed. I ended up making him a mixcd to feel excited about something and it worked, I feel better.