The Relationship Thread.

[Circe]

It's probably more appropriate to post this here than in the sex thread. Here goes...

Basically last night I had drunk sex with a very close friend and I don't want it to become anything more than that because Uni and stuff. The problem is that I know this boy and how he will be hoping for us to enter some kind of special relationship out of it, meaning I need to step in and end it some time soon.

I want to make it fully clear to him that in any other situation I would absolutely be up for at least becoming friends with benefits or something but that us going far away from each other in October makes me reluctant to kick off something so short term. My issue is that I'm awful when it comes to any kind of intimacy and have no idea how to shoot him down without hurting him. I would ask IRL people that would have a better grasp on the situation but I kind of want to keep the whole thing quiet if possible. Anyone got any ideas?

[Mojo]

I've been in a similar situation myself and I'd have to say that honesty is the most important thing.

I don't think I wanted more than she did, but we were starting something up at a time where we knew we had an expiry date. Maybe not the smartest of moves. Thing is I was prepared to continue it and to ride it out, if you like, and see where it went and she obviously decided she wasn't because it could have been too complicated. Nipping it in the bud, due to the fact that a few weeks down the line we weren't gonna be living near one another, was probably a very good idea and had we talked about it like adults, I'm positive we could have reached a very amicable agreement. But as I said, I wasn't in any hurry to do this, and so the way she handled it was to completely ignore me. As it happens we were able to recover from that eventually, but that very nearly ended our friendship as far as I was concerned. I even told her that, and at the time I meant every word of it.

Just be honest with him. Tell him how you feel, which seems to be that he means a lot to you, that you are attracted to him etc but due to the fact you're moving away for uni etc you don't think it would be wise to do anything and that you're worried you might hurt what you already have with him. If what you say about him is accurate then he may be hurt, you may not be able to avoid that, but he also should get over that.

If you're honest and tell him that normally a relationship with him would have been something you would have happily persued, and make it clear that the reason you aren't at this point in time is because of circumstances out of your control that may just ruin your friendship as a result if you do get into something now, then surely he would be able to take that?

[djchameleon]

You are already thinking about it the wrong way. You need to turn him down and make it hurt his feelings as much as possible or else he will think whatever you are trying to say by letting him down easy isn't real and gives him false hope. Please don't do that.

[Mojo]

Well I dont know about making an effort to hurt his feelings as much as possible, but I see what you mean.

Being honest wont give false hope. It will give as much or as little hope as she intends to give him, if she does it properly.

[butthead aka 216]

'hey the other night was fun but i wanna talk about some things, can i come over"

*drive to his crib*


'listen the other ngiht was fun but with uni coming up and stuff i really dont want you to make this more than what it was'



him: 'ok'


*drive back home*
*go to uni*
*see him during a break, have drunk sex again*
*repeat speech*
*become routine for next 4 years*

[Astronomer]

Originally Posted by Circe

It's probably more appropriate to post this here than in the sex thread. Here goes...

Basically last night I had drunk sex with a very close friend and I don't want it to become anything more than that because Uni and stuff. The problem is that I know this boy and how he will be hoping for us to enter some kind of special relationship out of it, meaning I need to step in and end it some time soon.

I want to make it fully clear to him that in any other situation I would absolutely be up for at least becoming friends with benefits or something but that us going far away from each other in October makes me reluctant to kick off something so short term. My issue is that I'm awful when it comes to any kind of intimacy and have no idea how to shoot him down without hurting him. I would ask IRL people that would have a better grasp on the situation but I kind of want to keep the whole thing quiet if possible. Anyone got any ideas?

Why don't you just tell him what you told us here? Yeah, it might hurt him but sometimes these things just need to be done. Just say that due to the fact that you're both going far away from each other in October you don't want to start anything, and that you're really sorry but it's just how it is. He will get past it

[CoolBec]

Originally Posted by Circe

My issue is that I'm awful when it comes to any kind of intimacy...

I'd wager that's not true. Separating sex from love isn't something that comes naturally to our gender Circe, but it's not necessarily a bad thing, and it definitely doesn't mean you're "awful" at intimacy. Personally, I've come to see it as a very good thing in my life.

The key is to stop seeing it as a negative. I'm sure that when you find someone that you want to commit to a loving relationship with you won't have any intimacy issues at all, and you'll be in love with THEM as a person and not the sex you're having with them.

In the mean time have fun and don't worry so much about breaking a few hearts...it's only lust.

[Scarlett O'Hara]

I'm sooo loving my relationship right now. I Skype my boyfriend nearly every night and it feels like we are really hanging out together like we did before he moved. I so can't wait to join him. It's amazing having someone who really cares about you. *Swoon*

[butthead aka 216]

Yo it 418 am an I jus wanna say me n rhis honey at a party an she sleepin but I'm pretty sure sge thebone for me. I outside rite now cause I'm toi drunk to drive man byt gyess what....... .. my future bride may bw aslepp inside. We dunno. Gotta wait sevral yrs. Rhen ill comeback to rhis reply and knoq true love for a honeyboo

[Astronomer]

Originally Posted by Vanilla

I'm sooo loving my relationship right now. I Skype my boyfriend nearly every night and it feels like we are really hanging out together like we did before he moved. I so can't wait to join him. It's amazing having someone who really cares about you. *Swoon*

N'aww! How far away are you from each other?! My best friend is currently doing a LDR and Skyping her man almost every night, modern technology is great but at the same time it must suck When do you get to see each other?!