I need serious advice

Trollheart · 03-09-2013, 06:47 PM

It doesn't make the situation any better, really, but I'd just like to say at least there's some good in your life with the news about your mother recovering from the cancer.

Something to hold onto, light in the darkness and all that.

I respect what Herm says and I understand she's looking at it basically from your brother's viewpoint, as she says she's been there, but I still disagree. While nobody wants to cut out their family or be the bad guy, I can't honestly see any way he gets better, or has a chance to at least, while he still has his support system in place. I think, to use a somewhat cruel analogy (though in ways accurate) he's like someone who's broken his leg (I know he has) and although he finds it hard to walk is able to manage okay on a crutch, but has got so used to that crutch that he doesn't bother trying to walk properly again. Metaphorically, cruel as it may seem, I think you have to kick that crutch out from him and take it away, see if he can walk without it.

Did that make any sense? Probably not: I'm just really going over what I already said but in a slightly weirder way. The other, perhaps crueller point, is that if it turns out he doesn't get any better, you need to make sure that your parents, and you, aren't dragged down with him. It's a time to do the old Star Trek "needs of the many" speech I'm afraid.

Point is, stick to your guns, especially for your mother's sake. And as Vanilla and we all say, we're here to talk and for you to vent to any time you need it. I have no experience in this sort of situation, but I think a certain amount of commonsense and life experience comes into play as well.

Keep us updated and as I say, we're here for you.
I'd give you a hug too, but that would just be gay, and then the Batlord would go tell everyone and make my life a misery. You understand, don't you?

**Exo** · 03-09-2013, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

I'd give you a hug too, but that would just be gay, and then the Batlord would go tell everyone and make my life a misery. You understand, don't you?

In the last 48 hours I haven't smiled much. That made me laugh. A lot. Thank you.

Engine · 03-09-2013, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Exoskeletal

He's a manic depressed bi-polar with sociopathic tendencies. It's tearing our family apart.

If this is true and he's only smoking weed to self-medicate (although from what you've said it sounds like the kid may be better at hiding other drug use than you think) then he does not have a drug problem, he's just mentally ill. If he is a drug addict then he will have to detox (or replace one drug with another) before anything else can happen.

It sounds to me like he's been coddled to a fault, no matter what drugs he is on. I wouldn't throw him out on the street either, so I don't blame your family for giving him such a wide safety net.

The unfortunate fact is that a psychiatrist on their own, without his willingness to change, can only keep him medicated with anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, or whatever, and he will become a mentally ill zombie. Still holed up in his room, or nodding off in the room with you. The crime and lying may stop, but that's all those drugs will do for him. He'll need to be willing to undergo serious psychiatric therapy as well as getting doped. It sounds like your parents will pay for the high level of care that he probably needs, but he'll still have to be open to accepting and changing what he has become.

PoorOldPo · 03-09-2013, 08:46 PM

Exo, this soudns very similar to a friend of mine. He dropped acid there over christmass and it went badly for him( he basically discovered he was bipolar because of the trip ) and he thought he was going mad. Anyway, he is 19 going 20 as well except unlike your brother, after that scare, he decided not to smoke any more weed or ever take acid again(even though his friends do this a lot). My point being that, he was scared enough to act and make a big decision for his own good. I think your brother needs this as well. I don't know him but I think your parents are being too easy on him, I also think he is a nice guy underneath all of the self loathing. Does he ever snap at you or your parents? From what I have heard from you, he seems to just shrug it off? It sounds like he is just absorbing all of this anger and dissapointment you and your parents are feeling towards him, this isn't good for him.

**Exo** · 03-09-2013, 09:08 PM

Yeah we're trying to back off him a bit but also trying to keep his safety in mind. Tonight he locked his door and wouldn't open it so I had to pick the lock. I'm going to be taking the doorknob off tomorrow. He can have his privacy of a closed door but not the security of a locked one.

And he has no response whatsoever to anything we say. He just stays silent and walks away. Doesn't even look at us.

I actually just found out that the friend he saw two weeks ago that I thought started this whole thing hasn't seen him in six months. Ryan told us that he had a baby and that he smoked with him while he was over there celebrating. He had a baby all right. He just hasn't seen or talked to Ryan in half a year. My mother actually bought him a gift and told Ryan to give it to him. Ryan took it and did who knows what with it. It certainly didn't go to his friend.

This is what we're dealing with.

PoorOldPo · 03-09-2013, 09:27 PM

How long has this been going on again? I got the impression from you that it has been getting worse over the course of several years? I know this sounds like a cliche and a bit retarded, but he almost sounds like he needs one massive big ****ing hug. Or something to feel confident about something. Something to...be proud of. I dunno. Maybe I'm talking **** again, but maybe I'm not.

**Exo** · 03-09-2013, 09:31 PM

Well he went through a huge personality change after his broken leg which was about three almost four years ago. In that time there has been a plethora of ****ed up things he's done and we've always been there for him. We yelled and scolded him of course but what family member wouldn't? I can't count how many hours I've spent just talking to him about life and how to be a good person. I don't mean to brag but I've been a pretty ****ing good brother to him and now I'm nothing. That's how I know he's really sick. He's not even responding to me anymore. This may be because of the last 48 hours but this was after I've caught him lying to me for the past three weeks. I'm still finding out things he's lied about. He's done it about three times today.

He needs something, but it's something we haven't tried yet.

Stephen · 03-10-2013, 10:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Batlord

Pills would explain mood swings and sociopathic behavior way better than just weed would.

I would have to agree there. Especially if combined with anti-depressants and alcohol. People on those sort of cocktails can be barely recognisable personality wise and they don't see what arses they're being.

**Exo** · 03-10-2013, 06:04 PM

It's not pills.

~~Sansa Stark~~ · 03-10-2013, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trollheart

It doesn't make the situation any better, really, but I'd just like to say at least there's some good in your life with the news about your mother recovering from the cancer.

Something to hold onto, light in the darkness and all that.

I respect what Herm says and I understand she's looking at it basically from your brother's viewpoint, as she says she's been there, but I still disagree. While nobody wants to cut out their family or be the bad guy, I can't honestly see any way he gets better, or has a chance to at least, while he still has his support system in place. I think, to use a somewhat cruel analogy (though in ways accurate) he's like someone who's broken his leg (I know he has) and although he finds it hard to walk is able to manage okay on a crutch, but has got so used to that crutch that he doesn't bother trying to walk properly again. Metaphorically, cruel as it may seem, I think you have to kick that crutch out from him and take it away, see if he can walk without it.

Did that make any sense? Probably not: I'm just really going over what I already said but in a slightly weirder way. The other, perhaps crueller point, is that if it turns out he doesn't get any better, you need to make sure that your parents, and you, aren't dragged down with him. It's a time to do the old Star Trek "needs of the many" speech I'm afraid.

Point is, stick to your guns, especially for your mother's sake. And as Vanilla and we all say, we're here to talk and for you to vent to any time you need it. I have no experience in this sort of situation, but I think a certain amount of commonsense and life experience comes into play as well.

Keep us updated and as I say, we're here for you.
I'd give you a hug too, but that would just be gay, and then the Batlord would go tell everyone and make my life a misery. You understand, don't you?

Oh, so you think leaving a mentally ill person, who abuses drugs homeless and without resources is a good idea? what the **** is wrong with you?

03-09-2013, 06:47 PM	#31 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,994	It doesn't make the situation any better, really, but I'd just like to say at least there's some good in your life with the news about your mother recovering from the cancer. Something to hold onto, light in the darkness and all that. I respect what Herm says and I understand she's looking at it basically from your brother's viewpoint, as she says she's been there, but I still disagree. While nobody wants to cut out their family or be the bad guy, I can't honestly see any way he gets better, or has a chance to at least, while he still has his support system in place. I think, to use a somewhat cruel analogy (though in ways accurate) he's like someone who's broken his leg (I know he has) and although he finds it hard to walk is able to manage okay on a crutch, but has got so used to that crutch that he doesn't bother trying to walk properly again. Metaphorically, cruel as it may seem, I think you have to kick that crutch out from him and take it away, see if he can walk without it. Did that make any sense? Probably not: I'm just really going over what I already said but in a slightly weirder way. The other, perhaps crueller point, is that if it turns out he doesn't get any better, you need to make sure that your parents, and you, aren't dragged down with him. It's a time to do the old Star Trek "needs of the many" speech I'm afraid. Point is, stick to your guns, especially for your mother's sake. And as Vanilla and we all say, we're here to talk and for you to vent to any time you need it. I have no experience in this sort of situation, but I think a certain amount of commonsense and life experience comes into play as well. Keep us updated and as I say, we're here for you. I'd give you a hug too, but that would just be gay, and then the Batlord would go tell everyone and make my life a misery. You understand, don't you? __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018

03-09-2013, 08:46 PM	#34 (permalink)
PoorOldPo Blue Pill Oww Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Luimneach, Eire Posts: 1,107	Exo, this soudns very similar to a friend of mine. He dropped acid there over christmass and it went badly for him( he basically discovered he was bipolar because of the trip ) and he thought he was going mad. Anyway, he is 19 going 20 as well except unlike your brother, after that scare, he decided not to smoke any more weed or ever take acid again(even though his friends do this a lot). My point being that, he was scared enough to act and make a big decision for his own good. I think your brother needs this as well. I don't know him but I think your parents are being too easy on him, I also think he is a nice guy underneath all of the self loathing. Does he ever snap at you or your parents? From what I have heard from you, he seems to just shrug it off? It sounds like he is just absorbing all of this anger and dissapointment you and your parents are feeling towards him, this isn't good for him. __________________ https://www.instagram.com/hennas.lullaby/

03-09-2013, 09:27 PM	#36 (permalink)
PoorOldPo Blue Pill Oww Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Luimneach, Eire Posts: 1,107	How long has this been going on again? I got the impression from you that it has been getting worse over the course of several years? I know this sounds like a cliche and a bit retarded, but he almost sounds like he needs one massive big **ing hug. Or something to feel confident about something. Something to...be proud of. I dunno. Maybe I'm talking ** again, but maybe I'm not. __________________ https://www.instagram.com/hennas.lullaby/

03-09-2013, 09:08 PM	#35 (permalink)
Exo All day jazz and biscuits Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 7,354	Yeah we're trying to back off him a bit but also trying to keep his safety in mind. Tonight he locked his door and wouldn't open it so I had to pick the lock. I'm going to be taking the doorknob off tomorrow. He can have his privacy of a closed door but not the security of a locked one. And he has no response whatsoever to anything we say. He just stays silent and walks away. Doesn't even look at us. I actually just found out that the friend he saw two weeks ago that I thought started this whole thing hasn't seen him in six months. Ryan told us that he had a baby and that he smoked with him while he was over there celebrating. He had a baby all right. He just hasn't seen or talked to Ryan in half a year. My mother actually bought him a gift and told Ryan to give it to him. Ryan took it and did who knows what with it. It certainly didn't go to his friend. This is what we're dealing with.

03-09-2013, 09:31 PM	#37 (permalink)
Exo All day jazz and biscuits Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 7,354	Well he went through a huge personality change after his broken leg which was about three almost four years ago. In that time there has been a plethora of **ed up things he's done and we've always been there for him. We yelled and scolded him of course but what family member wouldn't? I can't count how many hours I've spent just talking to him about life and how to be a good person. I don't mean to brag but I've been a pretty **ing good brother to him and now I'm nothing. That's how I know he's really sick. He's not even responding to me anymore. This may be because of the last 48 hours but this was after I've caught him lying to me for the past three weeks. I'm still finding out things he's lied about. He's done it about three times today. He needs something, but it's something we haven't tried yet.

03-10-2013, 06:04 PM	#39 (permalink)
Exo All day jazz and biscuits Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 7,354	It's not pills.