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03-01-2013, 02:23 AM | #21 (permalink) | |
county fair energy
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,773
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Gladly. Talking about it is something that I'm hoping to do more of, tbh.
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Like JackPat said, I feel like suicide is something that will always be a part of me (and will ultimately be my end), but if through therapy that stops being the case then I will gladly accept that change, and I'll feel like much more of a whole person. I appreciate your well wishes though, really. I'd also like to put it out there that if anyone wants or needs to talk I'm by no means recovered, but I am a good listener and I understand how important it can be to just be heard sometimes. |
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03-01-2013, 04:23 AM | #22 (permalink) |
Make it so
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,181
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Many times. I've been through some tough shit in the last 5 years and they have all been in that time. I'd never go through with it or even attempt it but things have been so bad before with being in debt, big bills, near-death experience with an earthquake in 2011 which killed 160 people. I've been assualted (physically) and have had depression and anxiety on and off many times. Not to mention two physical illness which is fucking all over the place which has caused unemployment and many surgeries. I'm in an out of hospital over 10 times a year, usually always in severe pain. That doesn't even cover my migraines. Throw in opoid dependency for a periods of 6 years due to doctors not fucking diagnosing me properly so had to rely on heavy meds to cope with daily abdominal pain. Suicide comes to my mind when I'm at my lowest, when I'm struggling with it all and can't be fucked with life anymore. They say the more you suffer in life the better the afterlife will be. From years 0 to 18 was great I was super happy but I turned 18 and it all went downhill. I don't mind sharing this with ya'll because I consider MB my second family. Above all that, if you met me you would find me a total bubbly, happy person. I'm stoic, I always laugh everyday because that's what comes naturally to me. I'm a typical Cancer, keep it all inside and on the front I'm strong and unbreachable. I've achieved some amazing things in life and have a lot of experience. I'm coming up to a time where I will get into the IT industry and start making a name for myself. Stack that money!
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"Elph is truly an enfant terrible of the forum, bless and curse him" - Marie, Queen of Thots
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03-01-2013, 06:12 AM | #23 (permalink) |
the worst guy
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Miami is the place
Posts: 11,609
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Shit, I didn't know that. Hopefully the therapy works as I wouldn't like to think that you would go through life with those thoughts.
Personally I have never considered myself suicidal, but I have thought about how I would do it several times.
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03-01-2013, 07:50 AM | #25 (permalink) |
Blue Pill Oww
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Luimneach, Eire
Posts: 1,107
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Jesus.. I had no idea it was so common...i really am shocked reading through this thread. This is a very serious subject. I have been through some **** in my life and i have dark thoughts but i really dont want to die, just yet. For my friends and family, for myself, i have never really thought about it and even if i did i probably would never bring myself to physically do it. I really feel for everyone on here who are going through this thought process, your comments are making me think about people in my life, close and distant, who might have these thoughts without me knowing and who might follow through with it at some stage.
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https://www.instagram.com/hennas.lullaby/ |
03-01-2013, 08:15 AM | #26 (permalink) |
Born to be mild
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: 404 Not Found
Posts: 26,992
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Once and once only, near the start of my sister's illness. It wasn't that which was the catalyst. What happened was I had stupidly ignored paying bills and our gas got turned off. We owed 500 Euro and no way to pay it. She was at home in the cold and I felt totally **** because there was no excuse, I was just a lazy ****er back then. On the way to work I contemplated, for the first and only time in my life, both robbing a woman who came walking along the path (that idea lasted about 1.4 seconds) and then throwing myself in the nearby river.
What stopped me was I realised I had made no will, and that without some financial benefit coming from my "suicide" it would be of less use to my sis than if I stayed alive. Plus I then thought even any possible financial consideration would be outweighed and almost invalidated by my leaving her on her own. So that was my one thought, and since I've never considered it, nor would I. No matter how bad things might get, I have more than one person to think about now. Can't be selfish...
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Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018 |
03-01-2013, 03:36 PM | #28 (permalink) | |
Zum Henker Defätist!!
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Beating GNR at DDR and keying Axl's new car
Posts: 48,199
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I find it makes me feel like a douche.
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03-01-2013, 03:38 PM | #29 (permalink) |
Make it so
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,181
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You're not a douche. You're a complex person with a humorous outlook on life. I'm always excited when you post it's so cheerful and naughty. I love naughty!
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"Elph is truly an enfant terrible of the forum, bless and curse him" - Marie, Queen of Thots
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03-01-2013, 03:39 PM | #30 (permalink) | |
Zum Henker Defätist!!
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Beating GNR at DDR and keying Axl's new car
Posts: 48,199
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To be fair I think we're all douchebags next to Trollheart.
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