Have you ever felt suicidal?

WWWP · 03-01-2013, 02:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine

Wow. We should talk more.

Gladly. Talking about it is something that I'm hoping to do more of, tbh.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Batlord

Oh, ****! I almost forgot about your post. Is this the first you're mentioning it on here? If you're willing to talk about something that must still be so fresh then I guess it means that you're "on you way," ya know. Well, all the best, dude. Sorry, but I'm not that good at heart felt stuff.

Yeah, this is the first time I've spoken of it explicitly. I mentioned my first suicide attempt in a journal entry I posted once while drunk but I deleted it the next morning, and I think only a handful of people read it. Like I said above, talking about my experience with suicide and depression has recently become something that is important to me, because the more I talk about it with other people the less power it has over me. I have kept and treated the urges and thoughts as a dirty secret for half my life, and exposing it now is oddly therapeutic.

Like JackPat said, I feel like suicide is something that will always be a part of me (and will ultimately be my end), but if through therapy that stops being the case then I will gladly accept that change, and I'll feel like much more of a whole person. I appreciate your well wishes though, really. I'd also like to put it out there that if anyone wants or needs to talk I'm by no means recovered, but I am a good listener and I understand how important it can be to just be heard sometimes.

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 03-01-2013, 04:23 AM

Many times. I've been through some tough shit in the last 5 years and they have all been in that time. I'd never go through with it or even attempt it but things have been so bad before with being in debt, big bills, near-death experience with an earthquake in 2011 which killed 160 people. I've been assualted (physically) and have had depression and anxiety on and off many times. Not to mention two physical illness which is fucking all over the place which has caused unemployment and many surgeries. I'm in an out of hospital over 10 times a year, usually always in severe pain. That doesn't even cover my migraines. Throw in opoid dependency for a periods of 6 years due to doctors not fucking diagnosing me properly so had to rely on heavy meds to cope with daily abdominal pain. Suicide comes to my mind when I'm at my lowest, when I'm struggling with it all and can't be fucked with life anymore. They say the more you suffer in life the better the afterlife will be. From years 0 to 18 was great I was super happy but I turned 18 and it all went downhill. I don't mind sharing this with ya'll because I consider MB my second family. Above all that, if you met me you would find me a total bubbly, happy person. I'm stoic, I always laugh everyday because that's what comes naturally to me. I'm a typical Cancer, keep it all inside and on the front I'm strong and unbreachable. I've achieved some amazing things in life and have a lot of experience. I'm coming up to a time where I will get into the IT industry and start making a name for myself. Stack that money!

**Goofle** · 03-01-2013, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

Yes, and I still do.

Shit, I didn't know that. Hopefully the therapy works as I wouldn't like to think that you would go through life with those thoughts.

Personally I have never considered myself suicidal, but I have thought about how I would do it several times.

Forward To Death · 03-01-2013, 06:59 AM

I feel like humor, my closest friends and music keeps me alive.

PoorOldPo · 03-01-2013, 07:50 AM

Jesus.. I had no idea it was so common...i really am shocked reading through this thread. This is a very serious subject. I have been through some **** in my life and i have dark thoughts but i really dont want to die, just yet. For my friends and family, for myself, i have never really thought about it and even if i did i probably would never bring myself to physically do it. I really feel for everyone on here who are going through this thought process, your comments are making me think about people in my life, close and distant, who might have these thoughts without me knowing and who might follow through with it at some stage.

Trollheart · 03-01-2013, 08:15 AM

Once and once only, near the start of my sister's illness. It wasn't that which was the catalyst. What happened was I had stupidly ignored paying bills and our gas got turned off. We owed 500 Euro and no way to pay it. She was at home in the cold and I felt totally **** because there was no excuse, I was just a lazy ****er back then. On the way to work I contemplated, for the first and only time in my life, both robbing a woman who came walking along the path (that idea lasted about 1.4 seconds) and then throwing myself in the nearby river.

What stopped me was I realised I had made no will, and that without some financial benefit coming from my "suicide" it would be of less use to my sis than if I stayed alive. Plus I then thought even any possible financial consideration would be outweighed and almost invalidated by my leaving her on her own.

So that was my one thought, and since I've never considered it, nor would I. No matter how bad things might get, I have more than one person to think about now. Can't be selfish...

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 03-01-2013, 03:34 PM

Trollheart I love hearing about your life. I find it interesting and really honest.

The Batlord · 03-01-2013, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanilla

Trollheart I love hearing about your life. I find it interesting and really honest.

I find it makes me feel like a douche.

**Scarlett O'Hara** · 03-01-2013, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Batlord

I find it makes me feel like a douche.

You're not a douche. You're a complex person with a humorous outlook on life. I'm always excited when you post it's so cheerful and naughty. I love naughty!

The Batlord · 03-01-2013, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vanilla

You're not a douche. You're a complex person with a humorous outlook on life. I'm always excited when you post it's so cheerful and naughty. I love naughty!

To be fair I think we're all douchebags next to Trollheart.

03-01-2013, 04:23 AM	#22 (permalink)
Scarlett O'Hara Make it so Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 6,181	Many times. I've been through some tough shit in the last 5 years and they have all been in that time. I'd never go through with it or even attempt it but things have been so bad before with being in debt, big bills, near-death experience with an earthquake in 2011 which killed 160 people. I've been assualted (physically) and have had depression and anxiety on and off many times. Not to mention two physical illness which is fucking all over the place which has caused unemployment and many surgeries. I'm in an out of hospital over 10 times a year, usually always in severe pain. That doesn't even cover my migraines. Throw in opoid dependency for a periods of 6 years due to doctors not fucking diagnosing me properly so had to rely on heavy meds to cope with daily abdominal pain. Suicide comes to my mind when I'm at my lowest, when I'm struggling with it all and can't be fucked with life anymore. They say the more you suffer in life the better the afterlife will be. From years 0 to 18 was great I was super happy but I turned 18 and it all went downhill. I don't mind sharing this with ya'll because I consider MB my second family. Above all that, if you met me you would find me a total bubbly, happy person. I'm stoic, I always laugh everyday because that's what comes naturally to me. I'm a typical Cancer, keep it all inside and on the front I'm strong and unbreachable. I've achieved some amazing things in life and have a lot of experience. I'm coming up to a time where I will get into the IT industry and start making a name for myself. Stack that money! __________________ "Elph is truly an enfant terrible of the forum, bless and curse him" - Marie, Queen of Thots

03-01-2013, 07:50 AM	#25 (permalink)
PoorOldPo Blue Pill Oww Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Luimneach, Eire Posts: 1,107	Jesus.. I had no idea it was so common...i really am shocked reading through this thread. This is a very serious subject. I have been through some **** in my life and i have dark thoughts but i really dont want to die, just yet. For my friends and family, for myself, i have never really thought about it and even if i did i probably would never bring myself to physically do it. I really feel for everyone on here who are going through this thought process, your comments are making me think about people in my life, close and distant, who might have these thoughts without me knowing and who might follow through with it at some stage. __________________ https://www.instagram.com/hennas.lullaby/

03-01-2013, 08:15 AM	#26 (permalink)
Trollheart Born to be mild Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: 404 Not Found Posts: 26,994	Once and once only, near the start of my sister's illness. It wasn't that which was the catalyst. What happened was I had stupidly ignored paying bills and our gas got turned off. We owed 500 Euro and no way to pay it. She was at home in the cold and I felt totally ** because there was no excuse, I was just a lazy *er back then. On the way to work I contemplated, for the first and only time in my life, both robbing a woman who came walking along the path (that idea lasted about 1.4 seconds) and then throwing myself in the nearby river. What stopped me was I realised I had made no will, and that without some financial benefit coming from my "suicide" it would be of less use to my sis than if I stayed alive. Plus I then thought even any possible financial consideration would be outweighed and almost invalidated by my leaving her on her own. So that was my one thought, and since I've never considered it, nor would I. No matter how bad things might get, I have more than one person to think about now. Can't be selfish... __________________ Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018*

03-01-2013, 03:34 PM	#27 (permalink)
Scarlett O'Hara Make it so Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 6,181	Trollheart I love hearing about your life. I find it interesting and really honest. __________________ "Elph is truly an enfant terrible of the forum, bless and curse him" - Marie, Queen of Thots

03-01-2013, 06:59 AM	#24 (permalink)
Forward To Death Trolier Than Thou Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Minnesota Posts: 1,336	I feel like humor, my closest friends and music keeps me alive.