Have you ever felt suicidal?

midnight rain · 02-28-2013, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine

Escapism, fear, and hopelessness that those feelings would ever go away.
It was just a mid-30s phase though.

Your 30s are my 20s

Why did the feelings go away

Burning Down · 02-28-2013, 10:47 PM

Never. I'm not saying that everything's been all sunshine and rainbows in my life so far, but I've never contemplated offing myself. Suicide hurts your family and friends more and that grief can last a lifetime for them. The only perk to it is that you get to have complete control over your death - when it happens, how it happens, where, and why.

There seems to be a death theme happening on this forum as of late!

WWWP · 02-28-2013, 10:55 PM

Yes, and I still do. I've attempted suicide several times and I have lived in a constant state of suicidal fantasy and ideation since my first attempt when I was 12. It's a large part of who I am. My most recent breakdown/attempt was this past October, and it ended very dramatically but positively. I'm in therapy now and it's something I work on healing from every day.

The Batlord · 02-28-2013, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CanwllCorfe

Nowadays it's just like, "I think I'm done now". No drama or anything. I just don't feel into the whole life... thing.

I never was suicidal, but these days I'm slowly getting more and more like that. Life just kinda feels like a movie that really sucks. You don't really feel connected to it so the thought of killing yourself just doesn't seem radical like it would if you felt that you really thought that you had something to lose. It's not that I feel the urge to kill myself, so much as the idea is just there waiting to be thought about every now and again. Especially when you do something dumb. Say something awkward or do something that makes you feel like you're being a burden to someone, and you seriously think "****, I wish I was dead!" for about half a second. Like you could offer up your life to compensate for the inconvenience that you've caused.

Engine · 02-28-2013, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

Yes, and I still do. I've attempted suicide several times and I have lived in a constant state of suicidal fantasy and ideation since my first attempt when I was 12. It's a large part of who I am. My most recent breakdown/attempt was this past October, and it ended very dramatically but positively. I'm in therapy now and it's something I work on healing from every day.

Wow. We should talk more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tuna

Your 30s are my 20s

Why did the feelings go away

Interestingly, although I've always been a little depressed, I never thought that life was just totally useless until I was older. When I was suicidal, I was very lonely and directionless.
The feelings went away because I became less depressed for some reason. No specific reason, just a "time heals all wounds" kind of thing. More specifically, I think I had to become used to the fact that I had nobody to depend on and no safety net. That became liberating eventually and once I accepted it, the suicidal thoughts stopped.

The Batlord · 02-28-2013, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolverinewolfweiselpigeon

My most recent breakdown/attempt was this past October, and it ended very dramatically but positively. I'm in therapy now and it's something I work on healing from every day.

Oh, ****! I almost forgot about your post. Is this the first you're mentioning it on here? If you're willing to talk about something that must still be so fresh then I guess it means that you're "on you way," ya know. Well, all the best, dude. Sorry, but I'm not that good at heart felt stuff.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine

Interestingly, although I've always been a little depressed, I never thought that life was just totally useless until I was older. When I was suicidal, I was very lonely and directionless.
The feelings went away because I became less depressed for some reason. No specific reason, just a "time heals all wounds" kind of thing. More specifically, I think I had to become used to the fact that I had nobody to depend on and no safety net. That became liberating eventually and once I accepted it, the suicidal thoughts stopped.

I'm the total opposite. The older I get the more I believe that I'm just not capable to deal with the world. I've sort of had this fatalistic view for a good while now that I would either end up homeless or with a gun in my mouth. I've sort of internalized it to the point that it's just a part of me now.

Paedantic Basterd · 02-28-2013, 11:37 PM

Most definitely.

I think it's done for a while now, though.

TockTockTock · 02-28-2013, 11:43 PM

All the time.

I even made an attempt to kill myself a while back. Nobody outside myself knows about it, though... Not even my family.

Anyways, I'm almost certain it'll happen eventually.

Engine · 03-01-2013, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Batlord

I'm the total opposite. The older I get the more I believe that I'm just not capable to deal with the world. I've sort of had this fatalistic view for a good while now that I would either end up homeless or with a gun in my mouth. I've sort of internalized it to the point that it's just a part of me now.

But I'm over a decade older than you.
Give yourself 10 or 12 years before you make any decisions. Also learn how to drive and go somewhere, you recluse.

The Batlord · 03-01-2013, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Engine

But I'm over a decade older than you.
Give yourself 10 or 12 years before you make any decisions. Also learn how to drive and go somewhere, you recluse.

I'm not making any decisions. I figure I'm still years away from being miserable to actually start thinking seriously of suicide. Right now I'm just a tourist.

02-28-2013, 10:47 PM	#12 (permalink)
Burning Down The Music Guru. Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Beyond the Wall Posts: 4,858	Never. I'm not saying that everything's been all sunshine and rainbows in my life so far, but I've never contemplated offing myself. Suicide hurts your family and friends more and that grief can last a lifetime for them. The only perk to it is that you get to have complete control over your death - when it happens, how it happens, where, and why. There seems to be a death theme happening on this forum as of late!

02-28-2013, 11:37 PM	#17 (permalink)
Paedantic Basterd Music Addict Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 5,184	Most definitely. I think it's done for a while now, though.

02-28-2013, 11:43 PM	#18 (permalink)
TockTockTock They/Them Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 1,914	All the time. I even made an attempt to kill myself a while back. Nobody outside myself knows about it, though... Not even my family. Anyways, I'm almost certain it'll happen eventually.