random hilarious stories.

P A N · 02-08-2013, 09:38 AM

pretty simple... just tell a random hilarious story of yours.

i'll start.

so, me and a bunch of buddies are at a bar/night club. we were drinking all sorts of different things and one drink included red bull and vodka. we had two of these in a row nearing around 1am.

we're all standing in a circle, you know, yelling (because the music is so loud) at each other enthusiastically about stuff i can't remember, when my one buddy kind of leans into the middle of the circle, crouches a bit, spreads his arms like a bird about to fly, looks up at us all like a deer caught in headlights, and sorta half yells that he's gonna puke. darts to the bathroom.

i wasn't present for what happened next, cuz, well, generally i don't need to see people puking.

upon running into the bathroom, he neglected to wonder if anyone was in the first stall that he burst into and puked all over this dude taking a deuce. so, allowing himself the time to think of the possible repercussions of doing this, he very quickly comes to the conclusion that there's a possibility that if this guy is given the time and allowed the facility, he's gonna wipe his *ss, pull up his pants and in all likelihood beat the living hell out of my buddy. so my buddy decided that the thing to do (god bless him) is look out for himself.

the poor bastard taking a sh*t... he was just taking a sh*t and this totally random dude bursts in on him, pukes all over him, and then beats him senseless. and i mean senseless. we had time to pay our tab and very nonchalantly make a getaway.

as much as i feel sorry for him, if it happened to me, the sheer unlikelihood would stir laughter for weeks to some.

haha. f*cking humans.

Plankton · 02-08-2013, 10:53 AM

Got quite a few of these.

Driving through some woods with a friend, a dear crossed my path, so I slowed down a bit, and as soon as I started going again (since the deer was just standing on the side of the road), the deer jumped out in front of the car. I had deer snot all over my hood, and we could clearly see that it's front left leg had been broken. Now, my buddy isn't the brightest bulb in the closet, so he starts screaming "Stop the car!" and jumps out with a tire iron screaming "WE gotta catch it and kill it!" I wanted no part of it, as I rolled my eyes. About ten minutes later I see him coming through the tree break, head down and desheveled. I asked him, "Did you get it?", "No." was his reply. "Can we go now?", I asked. "Yeah." he says. "Pull over so I can grab a beer".

I know. A bit anti-climactic, but it's pretty funny to me.

The Batlord · 02-08-2013, 11:09 AM

So, I used to go to a military boarding school back in high school, and I had this one dipshit roommate. Dude was an asshole and was always pissing someone or an entire group of people off. There was the time he supposedly called the football coach a nigger and basically had a revolving door of black kids coming into our room and beating the shit out of him. My particular favorite time was when he snitched on some crazy motherfucker for cheating on a test. Everyone knew he'd done it, and he was basically shitting himself the entire day waiting for this dude to do something. Like I said, he was a dipshit because apparently in his terror he never thought to lock our door, so that night in walks this crazy dude just as calm as can be. My roommate gets up from the bed that he was sitting on and tries to BS his way out of this, but the crazy dude doesn't bother to listen. He kicks my roommate in the chest onto his bed, kneels down onto his stomach, pulls out a butterfly knife, holds it to my roommate's neck and basically tells him that if he ever hears about my roommate doing anything like this again that he's gonna slit his throat. Dude never even raised his voice. Then he turns to me and says, "Did you see anything?" and I'm like, "See what?"

Maybe not funny-ha-ha, but it was military school funny.

**Exo** · 02-08-2013, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zevokes

pretty simple... just tell a random hilarious story of yours.

i'll start.

so, me and a bunch of buddies are at a bar/night club. we were drinking all sorts of different things and one drink included red bull and vodka. we had two of these in a row nearing around 1am.

we're all standing in a circle, you know, yelling (because the music is so loud) at each other enthusiastically about stuff i can't remember, when my one buddy kind of leans into the middle of the circle, crouches a bit, spreads his arms like a bird about to fly, looks up at us all like a deer caught in headlights, and sorta half yells that he's gonna puke. darts to the bathroom.

i wasn't present for what happened next, cuz, well, generally i don't need to see people puking.

upon running into the bathroom, he neglected to wonder if anyone was in the first stall that he burst into and puked all over this dude taking a deuce. so, allowing himself the time to think of the possible repercussions of doing this, he very quickly comes to the conclusion that there's a possibility that if this guy is given the time and allowed the facility, he's gonna wipe his *ss, pull up his pants and in all likelihood beat the living hell out of my buddy. so my buddy decided that the thing to do (god bless him) is look out for himself.

the poor bastard taking a sh*t... he was just taking a sh*t and this totally random dude bursts in on him, pukes all over him, and then beats him senseless. and i mean senseless. we had time to pay our tab and very nonchalantly make a getaway.

as much as i feel sorry for him, if it happened to me, the sheer unlikelihood would stir laughter for weeks to some.

haha. f*cking humans.

I'm not implying anything here. Just wanted to point this out. Your story and this story are very similar.

QDB: Quote #608100

Quote:

<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
<cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
<cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
<cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
<emoti_conartist> lol
<cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
<cassius_clay13> so he ****ing KICKS one of the stall doors open
<cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a ****
<emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha
<cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
<cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh ****... if i were taking a **** and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to **** him up... so i'd better hit him first'
<cassius_clay13> so he ****ing SMACKS this guy in the face
<cassius_clay13> and runs away
<cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER

Just sayin' bro.

P A N · 02-08-2013, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Exoskeletal

I'm not implying anything here. Just wanted to point this out. Your story and this story are very similar.

QDB: Quote #608100

Just sayin' bro.

that is some messed up stuff right there. seriously. this isn't the first place i've told this story, so either someone punked my story, or someone had a near identical thing happen. so weird.

**Exo** · 02-08-2013, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zevokes

that is some messed up stuff right there. seriously. this isn't the first place i've told this story, so either someone punked my story, or someone had a near identical thing happen. so weird.

When did your story occur?

P A N · 02-08-2013, 11:46 AM

8 or 9 years ago probably.

**Exo** · 02-08-2013, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zevokes

8 or 9 years ago probably.

Well that story has been on that website for quite some time after yours occurred so I guess it's possible somebody on the Internet robbed your story. I guess.

FRED HALE SR. · 02-11-2013, 04:51 PM

It all started out on a beautiful sunny day in Southern California. Birds were chirping, bees were stinging and you could smell the napalm in the air otherwise known as smog. I had decided this was the day to organize a game of softball between friends and enemies, always invite your enemies. And so it began, lots of beer drinking ensued, I smoked a big fat joint of some bull**** og whatever the **** lame name some guy named Jordan decided to call it to make it sound hip and lung worthy.

So I called all the girls too, told them to wear bikini tops and look good. Called all the fat dudes that could bomb a softball into the 7/11 a few blocks away. Called the wimps that would be on the other team and told them to bring extra big bats so they could hit flyballs to second base. About 6 stone ipas into the game I was feeling it, not quite sure what, but it was going good. I'm playing second base and some fat dude named robb, at least thats what everyone called him because he was pushing maximum density comes rolling into second base. He slides and ends up with his tighty whities pulled all the way up to his kidneys. I heard a scream and thought holy **** is my girlfriend here?

Turn out ol fat robb had slid over a sprinkler head and sliced his ball sack wide open. He whimpered about someone giving him a lift to the hospital which conveniently enough was a block away so he walked.

The End.

Good Times.

**Janszoon** · 02-11-2013, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FRED HALE SR.

It all started out on a beautiful sunny day in Southern California. Birds were chirping, bees were stinging and you could smell the napalm in the air otherwise known as smog. I had decided this was the day to organize a game of softball between friends and enemies, always invite your enemies. And so it began, lots of beer drinking ensued, I smoked a big fat joint of some bull**** og whatever the **** lame name some guy named Jordan decided to call it to make it sound hip and lung worthy.

So I called all the girls too, told them to wear bikini tops and look good. Called all the fat dudes that could bomb a softball into the 7/11 a few blocks away. Called the wimps that would be on the other team and told them to bring extra big bats so they could hit flyballs to second base. About 6 stone ipas into the game I was feeling it, not quite sure what, but it was going good. I'm playing second base and some fat dude named robb, at least thats what everyone called him because he was pushing maximum density comes rolling into second base. He slides and ends up with his tighty whities pulled all the way up to his kidneys. I heard a scream and thought holy **** is my girlfriend here?

Turn out ol fat robb had slid over a sprinkler head and sliced his ball sack wide open. He whimpered about someone giving him a lift to the hospital which conveniently enough was a block away so he walked.

The End.

Good Times.

02-08-2013, 09:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
P A N DO LIKE YOU. Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 629	random hilarious stories. pretty simple... just tell a random hilarious story of yours. i'll start. so, me and a bunch of buddies are at a bar/night club. we were drinking all sorts of different things and one drink included red bull and vodka. we had two of these in a row nearing around 1am. we're all standing in a circle, you know, yelling (because the music is so loud) at each other enthusiastically about stuff i can't remember, when my one buddy kind of leans into the middle of the circle, crouches a bit, spreads his arms like a bird about to fly, looks up at us all like a deer caught in headlights, and sorta half yells that he's gonna puke. darts to the bathroom. i wasn't present for what happened next, cuz, well, generally i don't need to see people puking. upon running into the bathroom, he neglected to wonder if anyone was in the first stall that he burst into and puked all over this dude taking a deuce. so, allowing himself the time to think of the possible repercussions of doing this, he very quickly comes to the conclusion that there's a possibility that if this guy is given the time and allowed the facility, he's gonna wipe his ss, pull up his pants and in all likelihood beat the living hell out of my buddy. so my buddy decided that the thing to do (god bless him) is look out for himself. the poor bastard taking a sht... he was just taking a sht and this totally random dude bursts in on him, pukes all over him, and then beats him senseless. and i mean senseless. we had time to pay our tab and very nonchalantly make a getaway. as much as i feel sorry for him, if it happened to me, the sheer unlikelihood would stir laughter for weeks to some. haha. fcking humans.

02-08-2013, 10:53 AM	#2 (permalink)
Plankton Just Keep Swimming... Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: See signature... Posts: 7,765	Got quite a few of these. Driving through some woods with a friend, a dear crossed my path, so I slowed down a bit, and as soon as I started going again (since the deer was just standing on the side of the road), the deer jumped out in front of the car. I had deer snot all over my hood, and we could clearly see that it's front left leg had been broken. Now, my buddy isn't the brightest bulb in the closet, so he starts screaming "Stop the car!" and jumps out with a tire iron screaming "WE gotta catch it and kill it!" I wanted no part of it, as I rolled my eyes. About ten minutes later I see him coming through the tree break, head down and desheveled. I asked him, "Did you get it?", "No." was his reply. "Can we go now?", I asked. "Yeah." he says. "Pull over so I can grab a beer". I know. A bit anti-climactic, but it's pretty funny to me. __________________ See location...

02-08-2013, 11:46 AM	#7 (permalink)
P A N DO LIKE YOU. Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 629	8 or 9 years ago probably.

02-11-2013, 04:51 PM	#9 (permalink)
FRED HALE SR. Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: So-Cal Posts: 3,752	It all started out on a beautiful sunny day in Southern California. Birds were chirping, bees were stinging and you could smell the napalm in the air otherwise known as smog. I had decided this was the day to organize a game of softball between friends and enemies, always invite your enemies. And so it began, lots of beer drinking ensued, I smoked a big fat joint of some bull** og whatever the lame name some guy named Jordan decided to call it to make it sound hip and lung worthy. So I called all the girls too, told them to wear bikini tops and look good. Called all the fat dudes that could bomb a softball into the 7/11 a few blocks away. Called the wimps that would be on the other team and told them to bring extra big bats so they could hit flyballs to second base. About 6 stone ipas into the game I was feeling it, not quite sure what, but it was going good. I'm playing second base and some fat dude named robb, at least thats what everyone called him because he was pushing maximum density comes rolling into second base. He slides and ends up with his tighty whities pulled all the way up to his kidneys. I heard a scream and thought holy ** is my girlfriend here? Turn out ol fat robb had slid over a sprinkler head and sliced his ball sack wide open. He whimpered about someone giving him a lift to the hospital which conveniently enough was a block away so he walked. The End. Good Times.