mental health thread

[GuD]

So I've been noticing in myself a pattern not unlike what LiL described quite a while ago in in the post quoted by Vanilla. It's like there's this internal separation between me and this part of my mind that just attacks me with negative thoughts and feelings. This has been going on for about 10 years. I used to think that my emotional problems had to do with my surroundings and experiences in life but I'm starting to wonder if that's not the case. I have a really cool new job. I'm financially stable for the first time in my life. I have friends. Things are getting a lot better between me and my family. My living situation isn't ideal but it's been worse and I'm really not tripping over it anymore. And I still feel completely ****ty to the point where it gets in the way of my ability to function at work or socially. I'm terrified that if I see a therapist I'm gonna be diagnosed with some sort of mental disorder or something. I don't know why but that really, really, really, scares me. I think it's because my (by far) biggest crutch for coping with feeling bad when I do has been the thought that I can change what's going around me and that doing so will mean I won't feel miserable. I don't know what else to say I just really needed to vent that realization out...