mental health thread

[Howard the Duck]

Originally Posted by ribbons

Let Yoko entertain you (actually, her version of Nam Myōhō Renge Kyō is my favorite).

i didn't chant that one

i chanted "Everything but Nothing" - it's not a language, you just have to get the right tone and vowel

[The Batlord]

Originally Posted by Rjinn

Yea I'm on Lamictal (Lamotrigine) as well. Wonder if it's making you drowsy? Usually that's the case for a month or two then it slowly fades where you are just... relaxed sorta.

I personally hate the way it feels... Or the way you don't feel. Pretty numbing ****.

Like I said, I'm only on 150 milligrams a day (that's only one and a half pills a day) so far, so there hasn't been much of a difference. I sort of imagine that my mind is a bit less scattered, but that could be placebo, and it's barely noticeable anyways.

[ThePhanastasio]

Today is a good day. There are days like this, but they sometimes feel few and far between. Today, though, is one of those days, and I love the feeling.
I didn't feel broken at all today. Feeling broken, as cliche as it might sound, is feeling like there is a part missing, a cog in the machinery, and there's a disconnect that cannot be repaired unless a new part is put in. The awareness of this 'part' missing is definitely there. When it's minor, this awareness is apparent. When things really get to proceed poorly, when things are beginning to become out of hand, it isn't until after the fact, when I'm going into a period of "good" that I'm able to appreciate the magnitude of how bad, how irrational I was.
Common delusions:
I feel like I've died previously, and that I'm living in some sort of hateful afterlife where my family, friends, and others are present, but where I've invented them and they're not really there. I've invented them to attempt to escape the misery, but they're not really there. I've died, and it varies how I believe I've died. Sometimes, it will be an automobile accident. Sometimes, in my sleep. Rarely - although it has happened in my mind - I've been murdered or committed suicide. The part that always becomes the most painful for me is when I try to assure myself it's not the case. It's doublethink, because it simultaneously feels like the most real sensation in the world, but I have to reassure myself that I'm sick, and just feel that way. When I'm talking to someone I care deeply about, it kills me inside. Especially my family. I will be talking to them, trying to assure myself that I'm alive and that all of this is real, but I'll still be painfully wondering what the real person is doing, and how they're coping with my death. I never, ever express this, but it's a very real feeling, and it's very emotionally devastating.
I feel as thought others can read my thoughts or that there's something set up where they're able to communicate with me using thoughts alone, but I can't receive their input for whatever reason. When this happens, I'm trying desperately only to think good things about them, but my mind turns to depraved sexual fantasies I'm not even interested in, or very hateful remarks on their appearance or personality. None of this is what I actually believe or desire, but I feel like they're going to read my mind all the same, extract this information, and judge me and my intentions based off of that.
I feel as though I'm being recorded and broadcast. Sometimes, it just feels like it may be on the internet. At these times, I cover the webcam with a piece of paper and cocoon myself in my blankets for minimal visibility.
I sometimes feel like I'm someone else and have Dissociative Identity Disorder. I have, during bad states, thought I might be Milla Jovovich, Ron Paul, and Ann Curry, but suffering from DID and unable to go back to or see myself in my natural state.
I'm going to head over to a psychiatrist the moment I get my next paycheck. I've been feeling well for over two months now, so I'm almost certain I'm going to get back to a state where I'm barely able to function with absolute maximum effort. I've had two anxiety attacks while "well," and am hoping that therapy will aid me significantly. I was going to wait for my health insurance to kick in (December) but don't think that's really an option at this point.

I haven't been medicated in years, but where I'm lucid now and feel "normal" and able to interact, I can really appreciate how ****ed up I've been for the majority of the past five years.

[Scarlett O'Hara]

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

Today is a good day. There are days like this, but they sometimes feel few and far between. Today, though, is one of those days, and I love the feeling.
I didn't feel broken at all today. Feeling broken, as cliche as it might sound, is feeling like there is a part missing, a cog in the machinery, and there's a disconnect that cannot be repaired unless a new part is put in. The awareness of this 'part' missing is definitely there. When it's minor, this awareness is apparent. When things really get to proceed poorly, when things are beginning to become out of hand, it isn't until after the fact, when I'm going into a period of "good" that I'm able to appreciate the magnitude of how bad, how irrational I was.
Common delusions:
I feel like I've died previously, and that I'm living in some sort of hateful afterlife where my family, friends, and others are present, but where I've invented them and they're not really there. I've invented them to attempt to escape the misery, but they're not really there. I've died, and it varies how I believe I've died. Sometimes, it will be an automobile accident. Sometimes, in my sleep. Rarely - although it has happened in my mind - I've been murdered or committed suicide. The part that always becomes the most painful for me is when I try to assure myself it's not the case. It's doublethink, because it simultaneously feels like the most real sensation in the world, but I have to reassure myself that I'm sick, and just feel that way. When I'm talking to someone I care deeply about, it kills me inside. Especially my family. I will be talking to them, trying to assure myself that I'm alive and that all of this is real, but I'll still be painfully wondering what the real person is doing, and how they're coping with my death. I never, ever express this, but it's a very real feeling, and it's very emotionally devastating.
I feel as thought others can read my thoughts or that there's something set up where they're able to communicate with me using thoughts alone, but I can't receive their input for whatever reason. When this happens, I'm trying desperately only to think good things about them, but my mind turns to depraved sexual fantasies I'm not even interested in, or very hateful remarks on their appearance or personality. None of this is what I actually believe or desire, but I feel like they're going to read my mind all the same, extract this information, and judge me and my intentions based off of that.
I feel as though I'm being recorded and broadcast. Sometimes, it just feels like it may be on the internet. At these times, I cover the webcam with a piece of paper and cocoon myself in my blankets for minimal visibility.
I sometimes feel like I'm someone else and have Dissociative Identity Disorder. I have, during bad states, thought I might be Milla Jovovich, Ron Paul, and Ann Curry, but suffering from DID and unable to go back to or see myself in my natural state.
I'm going to head over to a psychiatrist the moment I get my next paycheck. I've been feeling well for over two months now, so I'm almost certain I'm going to get back to a state where I'm barely able to function with absolute maximum effort. I've had two anxiety attacks while "well," and am hoping that therapy will aid me significantly. I was going to wait for my health insurance to kick in (December) but don't think that's really an option at this point.

I haven't been medicated in years, but where I'm lucid now and feel "normal" and able to interact, I can really appreciate how ****ed up I've been for the majority of the past five years.

First of all I want to say how pleased I am for you that you're in a good space. I really hope you don't have to go back down again and that the therapy is also successful. Secondly, I want to ask, have you been diagnosed with any disorders or are you waiting for health insurance (to take that step)?

Have you ever been medicated? If so, did it help? I was put on antidepressants when I was younger after being diagnosed with depression a year following an assault and it didn't help at all. It took a months of cognitive therapy and time to finally get me to a better place and there were many times I felt suicidal. I've never attempted it but accidentally overdosed 3 times. After the Christchurch earthquakes I had PTSD too.

I have never gone through what you have but I feel like it must be absolutely terrifying sometimes trying to figure out what is real and what isn't.

[ThePhanastasio]

Thank you, Vanilla. And yes, I have been diagnosed previously. Initially undetermined general psychosis, then schizophrenia, then Bipolar. They also expressed potential diagnoses to me at various points, but nothing else officially on paper.

And I have been on anti-psychotics and anxiety medication previously.

I'll chat with them, go over my history of episodes, and try to get something resembling a legit diagnosis.

[Rjinn]

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

Thank you, Vanilla. And yes, I have been diagnosed previously. Initially undetermined general psychosis, then schizophrenia, then Bipolar. They also expressed potential diagnoses to me at various points, but nothing else officially on paper.

And I have been on anti-psychotics and anxiety medication previously.

I'll chat with them, go over my history of episodes, and try to get something resembling a legit diagnosis.

It's very very complex to really ever get a straight diagnosis. I've been thrown bipolar2, then PTSD, DID, ADHD, BPD, then a more centred change to schizoaffective bipolar1. Because of a similar range of mental issues to yours.

All I can say is don't focus too much on finding a correct diagnosis, it'll just make it all the more complex. I'm sure you will be able to treat them well, with the help of a well informed therapist. You seem like a smart guy, and from the sounds of it you're still holding it all together.

Also, one thing to keep in mind:

There is nothing wrong with you.

Just bare the mental difficulties differently to others. Which is always the case.

Best of luck.

[Alfred]

Today I was introduced to trypophobia via 4chan. Without knowing what it was, I discovered that "clustered geometric shapes, especially small holes" do, in fact, make me extremely uncomfortable. I think it's because it makes me think of holes in my skin.

Here is an ordinary, natural object that commonly makes people uncomfortable.

Spoiler for Lotus Pod: may make you uncomfortable:

Here is the image that unfortunately introduced me to this "phobia".

Spoiler for WARNING: very unsettling:

Just looking at these things makes my skin itch all of a sudden. Yet I'm fascinated by it.

[Newkie]

Originally Posted by A$AP Sparky

lately i feel as though im starting to lose my mind a little bit

i can't shake this feeling that something very bad is looming

google is only making it worse, i guess constant self-analyzing is a symptom.

I'm just curious if anyone else can empathize with this? Does anybody else question their own sanity ever?

I question my sanity, but I never really have the feelings of impending doom or anything like that, my self reflections only usually come after debating with myself what I plan to do, or what I would do given a certain scenario...I can't really explain it, it's like planning ahead for manipulative purposes. Then I kinda come around and realise i'm having pretty dodgy thoughts but meh.

I agree with the others, self diagnosis can be pretty dangerous/ineffective.

[Rjinn]

I'm incredibly stressed out with attention deficit problems. ADHD has always been the case, and it doesn't seem to let up no matter how many therapists I see or work I force myself to do. There is a certain wait for proper treatment, about a month or so. Thinking straight and listening is such a problem, fogged, forgetful/lose track of time, don't get anything done or at least every task is draining, haven't been able to sit still, constantly tired and respond with random comments or blurt out as an instant reaction. I'm even finding it hard to respond here when I want to. Spend all my time on coping mechanisms just to mask symptoms. It's either hyper-focus or don't focus at all.

I don't feel good about venting but...

[Morphinelle]

Those single-paragraph medical articles and 2 minute tests from google are useless, I made a thousand of them and it was awfull, they make your inner paranoid to pop out and never return. The funny thing was that some of them were true, I've got borderline disorder