mental health thread

[midnight rain]

Originally Posted by Sparky

too many people assume mental illness is a test of will. It's absurd. Looking to validate yourself and assume those suffering just need to think positive, because we all have the same exact brain chemistry.

I used to think that way too before, wellp

It's an ego thing. People like to think they're superior for 'triumphing' over mental illnesses that they never faced in the first place. And they look down on those who are susceptible to that which they've never experienced. Because it doesn't manifest physically, so they can't see it with their own eyes, they can't wrap their head around it. They're simpletons.

And I just started taking Zoloft... didn't really want to go down the antidepressant route. But depression carries a heavy genetic component that I can't overlook in my own family. And it's no less valid than something like diabetes, and I wouldn't refuse insulin, so I swallowed my pride and the pill.

[Forward To Death]

I think everyone is capable of having a mental illness. I've been down that road myself, sometimes I feel like that part of me is still there, and I could just snap at any given moment and do something terrible, but at the end of the day I just realize that life can be whatever the **** you make of it. If you want to be angry, get angry, and try to channel it into something that's positive, instead of shooting people or yourself.

I noticed that people who are depressed, and I was there before, so I know from firsthand experience as well as just observing it in others, are often just people who don't have any real hobbies. You turn your best hobby into a lifestyle, and things can get better. You might have emotional problems for the rest of your life, and you might kill yourself someday, I might kill myself someday, but at least you'll have accomplished something. I want to do a bunch of things now, and my mind has really come along, I'm not always thinking about how ****ty my life is (and still is), but rather thinking about ideas that I could potentially make some money off of, and eventually just live comfortably, and do all of the things that I want to do.

You like music? Pick up an instrument at Goodwill and practice. Pirate some production software. Life isn't limited to just working at IKEA or Pizza Hut or Walmart, it's whatever the **** you want it to be, and there's no reason why it shouldn't be. I'd rather die trying to do something like this than spend another year or so working for some cigar smoking prick who pays $8.50 to do the worst job in the entire building.

Maybe that isn't you though, and maybe I'm just making an assumption. Maybe you just don't care anymore. I felt like I didn't care either, but then I just kind of got sick of the ****. I quit my job months ago and I've been trying to get my **** figured out. Maybe you just need to figure out your ****, although, I wouldn't recommend quitting work. Now I need a job to go through with all of this stuff, and can't find one.

[ThePhanastasio]

After a (fortunately) failed suicide attempt, I'm feeling weirdly optimistic, if only for a fleeting moment. Citalopram hasn't really changed anything, other than making me sick. I want everything to be okay. My dx is not good, and it is notoriously hard to treat the personality aspect, but I'm taking it one step at a time.

Most therapists and shrinks are historically wary about treating BPD, but I'm going to get fantastic, and if they won't help me, fuck them.

[ladyislingering]

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

Most therapists and shrinks are historically wary about treating BPD, but I'm going to get fantastic, and if they won't help me, fuck them.

It would seem a lot of therapists are uncaring for those of us with BPD. I was diagnosed when I was 19. I've had some major, incredible lows. I've learned to internalize a lot of the shitty things that would make people hate me but it's a daily struggle. Shit, it's an hourly struggle.

Recently I've been in a generally decent mood (though I often find myself terribly wary of the people around me, especially those that I'm slowly becoming partial to, or have softened myself to - I go between wanting to help everyone, wanting to feel some sort of compassion for a lot of people in hopes that it'll make me feel like a better person, to just straight up hating everyone or feeling that they hate me) and I've just been really well for a few weeks. No major lows.

I'm mending my relationship with alcohol and have realized that I can now enjoy it without wanting to get drunk, without using it as a tool to numb myself or my brain or whatever, and that's really major for me.

My insecurities have seemingly lessened, though I still feel that the majority of my relatives will die with the seed of hatred planted for me, in their souls. I'm needlessly paranoid a lot of the time about things that don't matter.

BPD is a terrible, unforgiving sickness. I read somewhere... someone described those suffering with it as "3rd degree burn victims of the psychiatric world" or something like that. I felt that was a substantial way of explaining it. The highs are so, so high, so wonderful, so intense ... the lows... are devastating. The healing process for the smallest of offenses throughout the years ... is lengthy, arduous, ongoing.

I hope you have the resources to keep yourself well (enough).

[Scarlett O'Hara]

Originally Posted by ThePhanastasio

After a (fortunately) failed suicide attempt, I'm feeling weirdly optimistic, if only for a fleeting moment. Citalopram hasn't really changed anything, other than making me sick. I want everything to be okay. My dx is not good, and it is notoriously hard to treat the personality aspect, but I'm taking it one step at a time.

Most therapists and shrinks are historically wary about treating BPD, but I'm going to get fantastic, and if they won't help me, fuck them.

I'm really sorry to hear this hun. I really hope there is some other way to make you feel better. I have absolutely no idea what it's like to have BPD but I'm thinking about you and am hoping there is some method to help you.

Originally Posted by ladyislingering

It would seem a lot of therapists are uncaring for those of us with BPD. I was diagnosed when I was 19. I've had some major, incredible lows. I've learned to internalize a lot of the shitty things that would make people hate me but it's a daily struggle. Shit, it's an hourly struggle.

Recently I've been in a generally decent mood (though I often find myself terribly wary of the people around me, especially those that I'm slowly becoming partial to, or have softened myself to - I go between wanting to help everyone, wanting to feel some sort of compassion for a lot of people in hopes that it'll make me feel like a better person, to just straight up hating everyone or feeling that they hate me) and I've just been really well for a few weeks. No major lows.

I'm mending my relationship with alcohol and have realized that I can now enjoy it without wanting to get drunk, without using it as a tool to numb myself or my brain or whatever, and that's really major for me.

My insecurities have seemingly lessened, though I still feel that the majority of my relatives will die with the seed of hatred planted for me, in their souls. I'm needlessly paranoid a lot of the time about things that don't matter.

BPD is a terrible, unforgiving sickness. I read somewhere... someone described those suffering with it as "3rd degree burn victims of the psychiatric world" or something like that. I felt that was a substantial way of explaining it. The highs are so, so high, so wonderful, so intense ... the lows... are devastating. The healing process for the smallest of offenses throughout the years ... is lengthy, arduous, ongoing.

I hope you have the resources to keep yourself well (enough).

You are absolutely wonderful. I'm really pleased you've come to our forum and hope that the support from members here will help a little (maybe?) as there are at least 2 others with BPD (Hermione). I don't know if sharing each others experiences help?

[GuD]

So I've been noticing in myself a pattern not unlike what LiL described quite a while ago in in the post quoted by Vanilla. It's like there's this internal separation between me and this part of my mind that just attacks me with negative thoughts and feelings. This has been going on for about 10 years. I used to think that my emotional problems had to do with my surroundings and experiences in life but I'm starting to wonder if that's not the case. I have a really cool new job. I'm financially stable for the first time in my life. I have friends. Things are getting a lot better between me and my family. My living situation isn't ideal but it's been worse and I'm really not tripping over it anymore. And I still feel completely ****ty to the point where it gets in the way of my ability to function at work or socially. I'm terrified that if I see a therapist I'm gonna be diagnosed with some sort of mental disorder or something. I don't know why but that really, really, really, scares me. I think it's because my (by far) biggest crutch for coping with feeling bad when I do has been the thought that I can change what's going around me and that doing so will mean I won't feel miserable. I don't know what else to say I just really needed to vent that realization out...

[RoxyRollah]

Originally Posted by WhateverDude

So I've been noticing in myself a pattern not unlike what LiL described quite a while ago in in the post quoted by Vanilla. It's like there's this internal separation between me and this part of my mind that just attacks me with negative thoughts and feelings. This has been going on for about 10 years. I used to think that my emotional problems had to do with my surroundings and experiences in life but I'm starting to wonder if that's not the case. I have a really cool new job. I'm financially stable for the first time in my life. I have friends. Things are getting a lot better between me and my family. My living situation isn't ideal but it's been worse and I'm really not tripping over it anymore. And I still feel completely ****ty to the point where it gets in the way of my ability to function at work or socially. I'm terrified that if I see a therapist I'm gonna be diagnosed with some sort of mental disorder or something. I don't know why but that really, really, really, scares me. I think it's because my (by far) biggest crutch for coping with feeling bad when I do has been the thought that I can change what's going around me and that doing so will mean I won't feel miserable. I don't know what else to say I just really needed to vent that realization out...

Honey, I think what you are discribing is doubt, fear, and anxiety generally felt by most people on the planet. Wheter you give into the head party you are having is completey a different. Unless you are hearing voices, and seeing things, what you are exsperiencing happens to multitudes of people, myself included. I panic, I doubt myself, for no real reason on a sunny Tuesday. I mean it's all in how you get back up eachtime that **** happens to you. I dunno if this is at all helpful. But there is a certain peace that comes the older you get brother, and I mean that. The internal war you feel will subside. Just be awear that really all you are feeling is the normal aches, pains, doubts, and fear that young hearts feel..

[John Wilkes Booth]

i have been thinking about some of the criticisms i've gotten on this site and from people in my real life as well, about being heartless and being a dick and all that. i know people get the vibe that i actually enjoy that sort of thing but to be perfectly honest it's more of a defense mechanism than actual pride. plus it's a way to try to disarm people. basically trying to sound self aware, but in all honesty i'm not really that self aware. i rely mostly on how people respond to me to gauge my character flaws.

what is weird is i didn't used to be this way. people used to think i was nice. somewhere along the line i lost my conscience. or at least a good part of it. nowadays it's like the only thing i feel guilty about is not feeling guilty enough about terrible things i've done. i dunno how to go back to the person i used to be. can't afford a shrink anyway

[RoxyRollah]

Originally Posted by John Wilkes Booth

i have been thinking about some of the criticisms i've gotten on this site and from people in my real life as well, about being heartless and being a dick and all that. i know people get the vibe that i actually enjoy that sort of thing but to be perfectly honest it's more of a defense mechanism than actual pride. plus it's a way to try to disarm people. basically trying to sound self aware, but in all honesty i'm not really that self aware. i rely mostly on how people respond to me to gauge my character flaws.

what is weird is i didn't used to be this way. people used to think i was nice. somewhere along the line i lost my conscience. or at least a good part of it. nowadays it's like the only thing i feel guilty about is not feeling guilty enough about terrible things i've done. i dunno how to go back to the person i used to be. can't afford a shrink anyway

It's not that you are heartless, or a dick bro. It's that you have this way about you that goes from inquistionial to accusatorial in like 0-60. And for me it gets old. You will never go back to being the person that you used to be, that's why your past is the past baby cause it's passed you by, feel me? All you can do is hope that you are becoming a better version of yourself. And learn that sometimes online well the meaning can get lost in the various texts and subtexts. I am certainly not saying handle people with kid gloves, but you gotta actually become friends with people (at least me) before you play 20 questions otherwise it becomes an interrogation, and when that happens nobody wants to play with you. Also sometimes your subject matter blows. I am not saying this to be a **** I am saying this to enlighten you.

[Chula Vista]

Originally Posted by WhateverDude

I'm terrified that if I see a therapist I'm gonna be diagnosed with some sort of mental disorder or something.

A therapist will only make suggestions. They don't diagnose. That's the psychiatrist's job - to diagnose and prescribe medication.

My son refuses to see a psychiatrist because he refuses to take any meds for fear they will diminish his creative spark.

He has been to a therapist a few times and he enjoyed the experience becasue it allowed him to just talk and get his internal feelings out.

You should go at least once. If you don't dig the experience you don't have to go back. But who knows, it may be helpful (and relieving) to be able to vent to a semi-pro. Maybe you'll walk away with some valuable insight.

Do it man.

And JWB - have you considered that you may have a bit of Aspergers?

I have a buddy who was fine all through childhood but started having some social communication problems from his late teens onward. He was diagnosed with very slight Aspergers.